1 好客 Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir,” replied the boy.
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时, 家里没有奶酪了, 于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿, 他拿着一片奶酪回到房间, 把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子, 你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上, 先生。”那小男孩说。
2 我丈夫马上就要回来了 My Husband Will Be Home Soon
A married man was visiting his "girlfriend" when she requested that he shave his beard.
"Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."
James replied, “My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she would kill me!!"
"Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice.
"Oh really, I can't, “he replies. "My wife loves this beard!!"
The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in. That night James crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.
The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies "Oh Michael, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon!"
“噢, 詹姆斯, 我喜欢你的胡子, 但我更喜欢看到你英俊的面孔。”
詹姆斯回答说, “我的妻子喜欢我的胡子, 所以我不可能剃掉它, 否则她会杀了我的。”
“噢, 我求你了, ”女朋友用一种低沉的、性感的声音又一次说道。
“可是, 我不能, ”他回答道, “我的妻子喜欢这胡子。”
在女朋友再三请求下, 他终于屈服同意了。夜里, 在妻子熟睡时, 詹姆斯爬上了床。
妻子朦朦胧胧地摸了摸他的脸说道, “噢, 迈克尔, 你不应该在这里, 我的丈夫很快就要回来了。”
3 借公牛一用 Borrow an Ox
Once upon a time, there lived a rich man, but he didn't know any words.
One day, one of his friends wanted to borrow an ox from him, so he wrote a note and asked his servant to take it to this rich man.
After the servant gave the note to the rich man, he pretended to be reading it and after a while, he said, “OK, I know. Go and tell your master, I’ll go myself shortly.”
从前, 有个人很富有, 但他不识字。一天, 他的一位朋友想向他借一头公牛, 便写了个条, 让仆人送到富人那里。仆人把条子给了富人。富人便假装看了一会儿, 然后说道：“好啦, 我知道了。回去告诉你的主人, 我马上自己过去。”
4 Akimbo 叉腰
Just like most of other kids, aged two Emilia didn’t like washing hands──she’s always wiping the dirt off hands on her clothes. One day I accompanied her to have fried cicadae. Habitually she rubbed her grease fingers on her real silk short gown. I held back her from doing it: “What do you want to do?" She was immediately on to her blame, replied at ease: “I’ m akimbo."
像大多数别的小孩一样, 两岁艾咪丽雅不爱洗手, 吃东西弄脏手, 随便在身上一抹就得了。一天我正陪她吃炸知了, 她手上的油多了, 便习惯地往真丝小褂子上蹭, 我阻止道：“你想干什么？”她马上意识到问题所在, 从容答道：“我叉腰。”
5 心不在焉的老师 An Absent Minded Professor
A notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter, the other on the pavement． A pupil meeting him said：“Good evening, professor. How are you？” “Well,” answered the professor, “I thought I was all right when I left home, but now I don't know what's the matter with me. I've been limping for the last half hour．”
有一天, 人们看见一个有名的心不在焉的老师在路上走, 他的一只脚一直踏在街沟里, 另一只脚踩在人行道上。一个碰见他的学生说：“晚安, 老师。您怎么了？”“啊, ”这位老师回答说：“我想我离开家的时候还挺好的, 可是现在我不知道出了什么毛病。我已经一瘸一拐走了半个小时了。”
At a dinner party a shy young man had been trying to think of something nice to say to his hostess. At last he saw his chance when she turned to him and remarked, "What a small appetite you have tonight, Mr. Jones.” “To sit next to you," he replied gallantly, "would cause any man to lose his appetite."