南山松

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周末一笑: 好客(转载)

(2015-05-15 17:28:42) 下一个
1 好客 Hospitality
 
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir,” replied the boy.
 
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时, 家里没有奶酪了, 于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿, 他拿着一片奶酪回到房间, 把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子, 你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上, 先生。”那小男孩说。
 
2 我丈夫马上就要回来了 My Husband Will Be Home Soon
 
A married man was visiting his "girlfriend" when she requested that he shave his beard.
"Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."
James replied, “My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she would kill me!!"
"Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice.
"Oh really, I can't, “he replies. "My wife loves this beard!!"
The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in. That night James crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.
The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies "Oh Michael, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon!"
 
一个已婚男人去拜访他的“女朋友”时, 女朋友要求他剃去胡须。
“噢, 詹姆斯, 我喜欢你的胡子, 但我更喜欢看到你英俊的面孔。”
詹姆斯回答说, “我的妻子喜欢我的胡子, 所以我不可能剃掉它, 否则她会杀了我的。”
“噢, 我求你了, ”女朋友用一种低沉的、性感的声音又一次说道。
“可是, 我不能, ”他回答道, “我的妻子喜欢这胡子。”
在女朋友再三请求下, 他终于屈服同意了。夜里, 在妻子熟睡时, 詹姆斯爬上了床。
妻子朦朦胧胧地摸了摸他的脸说道, “噢, 迈克尔, 你不应该在这里, 我的丈夫很快就要回来了。”
 
3 借公牛一用 Borrow an Ox
 
Once upon a time, there lived a rich man, but he didn't know any words.
One day, one of his friends wanted to borrow an ox from him, so he wrote a note and asked his servant to take it to this rich man.
After the servant gave the note to the rich man, he pretended to be reading it and after a while, he said, “OK, I know. Go and tell your master, I’ll go myself shortly.”
 
从前, 有个人很富有, 但他不识字。一天, 他的一位朋友想向他借一头公牛, 便写了个条, 让仆人送到富人那里。仆人把条子给了富人。富人便假装看了一会儿, 然后说道：“好啦, 我知道了。回去告诉你的主人, 我马上自己过去。”
 
4 Akimbo  叉腰  
                                                       
Just like most of other kids, aged two Emilia didn’t like washing hands──she’s always wiping the dirt off hands on her clothes. One day I accompanied her to have fried cicadae. Habitually she rubbed her grease fingers on her real silk short gown. I held back her from doing it: “What do you want to do?" She was immediately on to her blame, replied at ease: “I’ m akimbo."
 
像大多数别的小孩一样, 两岁艾咪丽雅不爱洗手, 吃东西弄脏手, 随便在身上一抹就得了。一天我正陪她吃炸知了, 她手上的油多了, 便习惯地往真丝小褂子上蹭, 我阻止道：“你想干什么？”她马上意识到问题所在, 从容答道：“我叉腰。”
 
5 心不在焉的老师 An Absent Minded Professor
 
A notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter, the other on the pavement． A pupil meeting him said：“Good evening, professor. How are you？”  “Well,” answered the professor, “I thought I was all right when I left home, but now I don't know what's the matter with me. I've been limping for the last half hour．”
 
有一天, 人们看见一个有名的心不在焉的老师在路上走, 他的一只脚一直踏在街沟里, 另一只脚踩在人行道上。一个碰见他的学生说：“晚安, 老师。您怎么了？”“啊, ”这位老师回答说：“我想我离开家的时候还挺好的, 可是现在我不知道出了什么毛病。我已经一瘸一拐走了半个小时了。”
 
6 献错殷勤
 
At a dinner party a shy young man had been trying to think of something nice to say to his hostess. At last he saw his chance when she turned to him and remarked, "What a small appetite you have tonight, Mr. Jones.” “To sit next to you," he replied gallantly, "would cause any man to lose his appetite."
 
在一次晚餐聚会上，一位腼腆的年青人一直在冥思苦想对女主人说一些好听的话。机会终于来了，女主人转向他说：“琼斯先生，您今晚的饭量太小了。”“坐在您身边，”他殷勤地说道，“任何男人都会失去胃口的。”
 
(From internet)
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评论
南山松 2015-05-19 15:59:32 回复 悄悄话 回复 'SnowFallingOnWater' 的评论 :
就是,还有这么笨的人~~~
雪花,周三快乐!
SnowFallingOnWater 2015-05-19 15:09:06 回复 悄悄话 哈哈哈，最后一个拍马屁拍到马腿了
南山松 2015-05-17 12:12:22 回复 悄悄话 回复 'womaninhome' 的评论 :
问好家MM,周末快乐!
womaninhome 2015-05-16 22:06:14 回复 悄悄话 周末来看松松贴的笑话，总是开心。
南山松 2015-05-16 19:18:51 回复 悄悄话 回复 '菲儿天地' 的评论 :
菲儿好!不是我翻译的,照搬的:)
菲儿,周末快乐!
菲儿天地 2015-05-16 18:30:23 回复 悄悄话 第二个很油墨，翻译家松松周末快乐。
南山松 2015-05-16 17:51:51 回复 悄悄话 回复 'fengdaming' 的评论 :
fengdaming好!第二个,她让他留胡子是有个很重要的原因的.
fengdaming,周末快乐1
南山松 2015-05-16 17:50:32 回复 悄悄话 回复 '特高兴' 的评论 :
特高兴就是好学,要表扬一个~~~
特高兴,周末快乐!
南山松 2015-05-16 17:50:01 回复 悄悄话 回复 '绿叶唤唤' 的评论 :
谢谢唤唤,都是在网上找的:)
唤唤,周末快乐!
南山松 2015-05-16 17:48:53 回复 悄悄话 回复 '夏圓' 的评论 :
圓圓好!能让你笑,我荣幸啊:)
圓圓,周末快乐!
南山松 2015-05-16 17:47:46 回复 悄悄话 回复 'nycman' 的评论 :
纽约美眉,你不要太谦虚啊,过分谦虚就是骄傲了~~~
读了你和小留的故事,知道你是个很热心助人的人,而且和晓莺很有缘份啊:)
退休的文章给人留下一片光明~~~
纽约美眉,周末快乐!
南山松 2015-05-16 17:41:45 回复 悄悄话 回复 'spot321' 的评论 :
点点好!真是没啥别没文化:)
点点,周末快乐!
南山松 2015-05-16 17:40:21 回复 悄悄话 回复 '50后的姥姥' 的评论 :
美眉好! 周末快乐!
南山松 2015-05-16 17:39:50 回复 悄悄话 回复 'warsonwang' 的评论 :
花生MM好!上午忽然又进不了博客了,祝你周末快乐!
南山松 2015-05-16 17:38:53 回复 悄悄话 上午又忽然进不了博客了,怎么回事啊?!
fengdaming 2015-05-16 16:53:51 回复 悄悄话 @nycman 您有点自恋啊，哈哈！
fengdaming 2015-05-16 16:52:02 回复 悄悄话 6条都很好。我想我还是选第二条吧。
特高兴 2015-05-16 16:28:12 回复 悄悄话 学了个新字：akimbo
：）
绿叶唤唤 2015-05-16 15:21:39 回复 悄悄话 哈哈哈，松姐姐在哪找到这么多笑话呀，厉害！
夏圓 2015-05-16 12:22:40 回复 悄悄话 哈哈哈,笑死我啦,松松,真有你的,谢谢啊,每个周末都让我乐得不是吹泡泡就是喷茶。。。
松松周末快乐!
nycman 2015-05-16 10:33:30 回复 悄悄话 哈哈哈哈。先问好！
俺先天不足，口吃，还生性顽劣，所以才要学到老。现在收工后还要去语言矫正。俺是你们说的LOSER！
自从被人删留言之后，只敢在楼下王大娘家胡说。她删我揍她！文学城的博主都是我的老师。现在只能默默欣赏玩暗恋呀。
spot321 2015-05-16 08:52:10 回复 悄悄话 哈哈哈哈哈哈哈，笑弯了腰！有钱没文化真是害死人呢；不知小男孩儿的客人吃了鼠夹子上的奶酪有何感想；看了第二条顿时无语。。。祝小松周末愉快！
50后的姥姥 2015-05-16 07:56:18 回复 悄悄话 又有乐乐了，开心！
warsonwang 2015-05-16 07:43:57 回复 悄悄话 哈哈哈哈哈边看我边乐。。太逗了。。
南山松 2015-05-16 07:01:17 回复 悄悄话 回复 '尼斯' 的评论 :
问好尼斯,周末快乐!
南山松 2015-05-16 07:00:51 回复 悄悄话 回复 '京燕花园' 的评论 :
Haha, Yanzi, there should be no toxic. Otherwise, it would be terrible:)
Yanzi, have a nice weekend!
尼斯 2015-05-16 02:48:38 回复 悄悄话 跟燕子一起挤一挤，欣赏周末开心一笑。
松松周末愉快！
京燕花园 2015-05-15 22:21:35 回复 悄悄话 the mouse got a better treat than the guest, oops, hope it's not toxic.

thanks for the laughters,songsong^_^
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