单身篇

单身汉有选择的自由而选择了自由。可是，自由是有代价的。

A bachelor is a man who is free to choose and chooses to be free.

单身汉是一个特别群体，没有个人责任，没有社会责任，也没有一双成对的袜子。

Bachelors are a select group, without personal obligation, social encumbrance, or any socks that match. （每天回到家形影相吊，满地脏衣服，桌子是参羹剩饭，这种自由的滋味不甚好受）

比萨饼当早餐，是单身汉自由的一个范例。（这比萨饼肯定是昨晚剩下的。）

Pizza for breakfast is one of the great examples of bachelor freedom.

单身汉进餐须知：

吃东西不会令人发胖。婚姻才会。比比你周围的已婚人士和未婚人士的腰围，就可证明。不过，酸奶充当刮胡霜也不错。（能将就便将就。每天吃饭不定时，肯定胖不了。）

Bachelor’s Dining Tip:

Eating doesn’t make you fat. Marriage does. Compare waistlines of married and single friends for proof. But yogurt does make good shaving cream.

单身汉相信，离婚的最佳时机就在结婚之前。（还没结婚就想好要离婚，这种人能嫁吗？）

A bachelor is a man who believes the proper time for divorce is before the wedding.

单身汉是唯一对结婚蛋糕过敏的男人。（难道含有三聚氰胺？）

A bachelor is the only man who is allergic to wedding cake.

单身汉可以随便从哪一边上床的人。（自由的代价就是孤独。）

A bachelor is someone who can go to bed from either side.

现如今，已婚男人活得象王老五。王老五则活得象已婚男人。（已婚女人也活得小姑娘，而小姑娘则比婚妇人还经验老道.）

Nowadays, all the married men live like a bachelor, and all the bachelors live like married men.

女人对丈夫的期许是有挣钱的能力。不幸的是，女人对单身汉的期许也是一样的。怪不得钻石王老五那么吃香。

The quality women most desire in a husband is the ability to make money. Unfortunately, the quality women most desire in a bachelor seems to be the same thing.

女孩子从出生到18岁需要有好父母。从18岁到35岁要有好容貌。从35岁到55岁要有好人品。从55岁打后，她需要大把的钞票。（有钱不仅能使鬼推磨，还能使年轻帅哥为你推摩！）

From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents. From eighteen to thirty-five she needs good looks. From thirty-five to fifty five she needs a good personality, and from fifty five on she needs cash.

女孩子结了婚， 就是把“三千宠爱在一身”换成“难得周郎顾”。

When a girl marries, she exchanges the attention of many men for the inattention of one.

为什么要结婚让一个男人不好过？保持单身让成千上百男人不好过不是更好吗? （在让成千上百的男人不好过的过程中，可能自己更不好过！）

Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?

与陌生男人睡觉，就象先读了推理小说的结局一样。（下床后再来了解他的来龙去脉，已经毫无悬念了。）

Sleeping with a man you hardly know is like reading the end of a murder mystery first.

与陌生男人睡觉，就象舔完玛格丽塔酒杯边上的盐，而忘了喝杯里的酒。剩下的就是满嘴巴的苦涩。

Sleeping with a man you hardly know is like licking the salty rim of the glass but forgetting to drink the margarita.