I am that kind of person not very good at making friends. I do not have much freetime to contact a friend so frequently. I am not flexible enought to make many compromises. I am not patient enough to listen to freinds' complain. I am not open enough to let other persons know my secrecy or privacy. For this reason, I do not have many friends. However, I really cherish the friendship I have ever got. I may have no time to call them or email them everyweek, but I surely remember them deeply in my heart. I may be too proud to humble myself to make a friend to feel comfortable or flattered, but I surely can help them for their aim by doing whatever I can. The truth is that nobody can really understand. I went across Amy today in MSN. I am so happy to communicate with her. With no response, she showed the position "away", and soon left without saying hello to me. I felt hurt. That is truth. She is that kind of person so good at making friends. She has plenty of friends, so that she will not pay so much attention to each of them. I am surely not a particular friends she has got. I am even uncertain whether she could regard me as a friend, or just "a person I know".
However, I know that is all my fault. I know too clearly what I want to do. I am an ambitious social climber. I have no flaxible mind and free time to care about the flower of friends. I am also a person to be so independent. I live by myself, with my mind and heart open to myself. I keep the barrier of heart against the wide world. I hold a suspecious idea against the world, and human beings. I know that in this world, everyone can betray you except yourself. This personality is not suitable for having friends.
I feel lonely. But, that is me. Maybe loneliness is what I want. Loneliness is what I desearve best.
