唐宋韵
唐宋韵
海外华一代家庭中的文化烂尾工程
A cultural unfinishable Project in the first-generation Chinese families abroad
十年前的一天，家里买来几个石榴。我的儿子和我有一个对话 –
Ten years ago, on a day when we bought some pomegranates for our home, I had a conversation with my son in Chinese:
子：爸爸，这是什么？
父：石榴。
子：它为什么叫石榴?
父：那你认为它该叫什么？
子：它为什么不叫15或者17，偏偏叫“16”？
父：啊？你……你真没文化 !!!
我没有编造，这类的例子我们家还有好几个，比如我女儿创造性地将花椒称为“麻球”。这个水平其实也是这边大多数ABC的中文水平，很多甚至还不如这个。从许多中国朋友家的孩子的情况看，能学到 “可用” 的程度，即具备基本的读和写的水平者只有两三人。原因很简单，没有中文土壤，且学习者又没有动机。
I don't make this up; we have several examples like this in our family, such as my daughter creatively referring to Sichuan peppercorns as "numbing balls." This level of proficiency is actually similar to that of most ABCs (American-born Chinese) here, and many are not even as good. From the situations of children in many Chinese friends' families, only two or three manage to reach a "usable" level, possessing basic reading and writing skills. The reason is simple: there's no Chinese cultural environment, and the learners lack motivation as well.
每当海外父母跟我说他们的孩子中文“很好”时，我总礼貌地回答“好，好，不简单”。但心里就问：有文化吗？会用成语吗？知道“刻不容缓”与“迫不及待”的区别吗？知道“迅雷不及掩耳盗铃之势”为什么可笑吗？
Whenever overseas parents tell me their children are "good" at Chinese, I politely respond with, "Good, good, not easy." But in my mind, I wonder: Is there real cultural understanding? Can they use idioms? Do they know the difference between "urgent" and "impatient"? Do they find "as swift as a thunderbolt" and "stealing the bell from the tiger's neck" amusing?
很可惜，即使花了很大气力和很多时间，如果一门语言达不到流利的水平，又没有长期使用的机会，或者只是低水平重复，则会被忘记。每个周末，因为父母的“愿望”，成千上万的ABC在中文学校里无奈地念经，学个半吊子。等他们一旦能够不学，立马儿欢呼雀跃，然后就是退步、忘记。
Unfortunately, even if considerable effort and time are invested, a language, without reaching a fluent level or lacking continuous usage opportunities, especially when at a low proficiency level, is likely to be forgotten. Every weekend, due to their parents' "wishes," thousands of ABCs reluctantly recite Chinese texts in Chinese schools, only to cheerfully stop once they no longer have to. Then comes regression and forgetfulness.
这是很多第一代移民家庭中发生的巨大的文化烂尾工程。这种烂尾损失的是时间。成人的时间是宝贵的，而儿童的时间其实更是宝贵的。如果一个人在其儿童至青年时期花数千个小时学一门技艺，无法精深，最后不了了之，那么他/她的损失是巨大而又经常看不见的。
This is a massive cultural unfinishable project happening in many first-generation immigrant families. The loss in this incomplete project is time. Adult time is precious, and children's time is even more so. If a person spends thousands of hours learning a skill during their childhood and youth, without achieving mastery, it ends up being a huge and often invisible loss.
我的孩子个性使然，去了几天中文学校后，便断然拒绝。而我们也不逼迫。另一方面，从孩子小的时候起，因为家中经常有老人从国内来访，且家中也多用中文对话，所以孩子们的中文听力没大问题，基本表达也尚好，跟爷爷奶奶日常交流够了。到此为止。他们在这方面节省了大量的时间去发展他们的兴趣爱好，获得了丰厚的回报。我认为这样正好。
Due to my children's personalities, they refused Chinese school after attending for a few days, and we didn't force them. On the other hand, since they were young, because we frequently had elderly relatives visiting from China and our family often conversed in Chinese, their Chinese listening skills are fine, and their basic expression is decent for daily communication with their grandparents. That's where it stops. In this regard, they saved a significant amount of time to develop their interests and received substantial returns. I think it's just right.
我知道，有人要扔砖头，骂我数典忘祖了。不过还请阁下先扇自己两个大耳刮子 — 你既然那么热爱养鱼，干嘛搬到沙漠里去？
I know some people may condemn me for forgetting my roots. However, I'd suggest you give yourself a good slap first—since you love keeping fish, why move to the desert?
我丝毫不反对孩子学些中文，并在家里用中文对话。我的意思是，孩子的付出与父母的期望值要合理。如果您有盖三层楼的资金，就去盖三层楼。如果梦想过于高远，建出一个十层楼的框架，资金链就会断裂，烂尾的可能性就比较大。而且我要再强调一遍，孩子的时间是宝贵的。这种文化烂尾尽管看不见，损失却非常巨大、难以挽回。
I'm not against children learning some Chinese and conversing in Chinese at home. What I mean is that the child's effort should align reasonably with the parents' expectations. If you have the budget to build a three-story building, go ahead. If the dream is too lofty, constructing a ten-story framework with a fragile budget might lead to abandonment. And let me emphasize again, a child's time is precious. This cultural unfinished project, although invisible, incurs a huge and irreparable loss.
有人琢磨着将来孩子长大了可能要跟中国做生意，所以学中文“有用”。那种情况不仅太遥远，而且靠半吊子中文去中国做买卖，只有被骗的命。父母与其这样功利，不如诱导孩子学习中文的兴趣。如果真是发现这方面的兴趣和语言天赋，就为其创造好的学习条件。
Some people think that in the future, their children may do business with China, so learning Chinese is "useful." This scenario is not only distant but relying on mediocre Chinese to do business in China is a recipe for deception. Instead of being utilitarian, parents should guide their children to develop an interest in learning Chinese. If there is genuine interest and linguistic talent, create optimal learning conditions.
学语言，环境是必不可少的。我原先一位白人邻居因工作原因到中国去了几年，两个女儿同去且在中国学校读书。前两年回来，我发现其水平远超过我认识的任何一位ABC。除非你儿女搬回中华文化圈，否则你孙子辈不大可能会中文。这个根是非断不可的，这个现实不得不面对。假如我们保护大熊猫只能让其多生存一代，然后注定灭绝，那我们肯定就不费那功夫了。对于母语，心情不同，我理解。
Environment is essential for language acquisition. A white neighbor of mine, who went to China for work reasons for a few years with his two daughters attending Chinese schools, returned with language skills far surpassing any ABC I know. Unless your children move back to the Chinese cultural sphere, it's unlikely your grandchildren will speak Chinese. This root is non-negotiable, a reality we must face. If protecting giant pandas only allows them to survive for one generation, destined for extinction, we surely wouldn't bother. Native language is different; I understand the sentiment.
源远流长的中华文化当然会继续存在和发展。但其主要依托于中国大陆、台湾、港澳、新加坡等中华文化圈。这方面，就不麻烦令郎、令爱们了。
The rich and profound Chinese culture will undoubtedly continue to exist and develop, primarily relying on the Chinese mainland, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Macau, Singapore, and other Chinese cultural circles. In this matter, spare your sons and daughters.
还有一个相关的论点，我认为完全荒谬：在一次聚会上有一位说，只有学好中文，ABC才有根，孩子心中才有主心骨，否则就有身份认同问题，容易出现心理疾病。我立刻反驳 — ABC首先是美国人，不论学不学中文，都要让孩子懂得这一点，美国是他们的国家。如果负面认为作为美国公民的孩子需要依靠别的国家的语言去产生主心骨，这不仅容易造成孩子的心理疾病，这本身就是大人的心理疾病。
There's another related argument that I find completely absurd: at a gathering, someone claimed that only by mastering Chinese can ABCs have roots, a backbone in their hearts; otherwise, they will face identity issues and may develop psychological problems. I immediately countered— ABCs are first and foremost Americans; regardless of learning Chinese, children should understand that the United States is their country. If parents believe that their children, as American citizens, need to rely on another country's language to develop a backbone, this not only could lead to psychological problems in their children, but is, in itself, a psychological problem of the parents.
[Edited from ChatGPT translation.]
哦，是吗，谢谢告知。虽不追求这个，也是对我码字的激励。
谢谢冯兄。我同意你的看法。
这边长大的孩子，有一小部分，从某个年龄开始（可能是在小学，也可能是在大学）对中国的历史和文化开始感兴趣，想了解、学习更多。这是个人的某种素质决定的，这样好。但对那大多数，逼没有什么用，反倒浪费他们人生的美好时光。
我最初对我老大也是抱着希望教中文。他对中华文化兴趣很大，在暑期中文夏令营里得到老师们大力赞扬，说他是唯一一个真心想学中文和中国文化的，其他华裔孩子都是被父母逼着来混的。
我给孩子们树立的对中华文化的热爱来自现代科学的分析：我给他们解释中国古代的道德经其实是一个自然科学哲学，而孔子的儒家思想就是古代的社会科学。中国历史上的古代贤圣从来没有用迷信的神和上帝的概念来愚昧大众。这一点是我们的优点，需要发扬。而且我用Google给他们看世界各族人的智商，让他们知道东亚人智商最高，平均寿命最长，让他们更加感到做中国人的自豪。
而且他们自己也清楚地看到：学校里尖子学生都是华裔，其次才是白人和印度人。而且他们自己和其他学生比要轻松很多。我们家从不鸡娃，除了学校以外没有任何其他课外音乐体育班。他们做完作业就玩，成绩照样优秀。这都是他们更加主动要保持中华文化和身份的动力。
鸦片战争原因复杂，这里不去争论。
但那个时候的欧洲，还被阁下说成“落后的欧洲没有任何类似的搞科技产品。。。”就完全是罔顾事实了。那时候欧洲工业革命已经二百多年，清朝的水准已经完全不再一个层次上。要不为什么痛定思痛，搞什么洋务运动呢？
中国落后的深层次原因不去谈它。至少，从技术层面讲，现代科学技术没有从中国发展起来，这是不争的事实。中国的发展，其实就是在科技层面西化，否则衣食住行绝无可能达到现在的水准。
今天的华人，不论在国内还是在海外，保留文化的沉淀当然很好，也可以很自然，但在科技、产业界，传统中国文化不可能有它的位置，这是不争的事实。我本人喜欢诗词和中国文化，也在科技公司里供职，两者不矛盾。
至于我的下一代，他们在我家里“熏陶”了近20年，未来的生活是他们自己的。
近代中国落后于欧洲是因为中国大国缺乏欧洲小国之间的竞争，而导致停滞不前而产生的，不是因为中国文化一无是处。基督教这种迷信宗教没有在中国发展，就是因为中国历史上文化一直高于西方，对西方这种愚昧迷信宗教不屑一顾。但近代因为落后，不少中国人认为西方宗教是“时髦”的，去盲目崇拜，还号称基督教是西方先进的主要因素。
的确不能一概而论。系统学任何东西都是要投入很多时间的，靠催促不行，要自己有动机和一定的天赋。。。这个跟学乐器很像。我儿子总要催，而且不爱练习，于是我在他6年级时就把私教停掉了；女儿喜欢音乐，就成全她，她后来成了高手。
语系的问题。中文太难太难了。。。