THE ISLAND

"The island" caused me thinking about myself: what am I? who am I? Are we real person? What shall we do if we're just in an game or an experiment? Why are we living in this world? What is the real? What are we looking for? Actually, I don't know the answers most of the time. Since I have been in America, I felt I was at sea and I douted the lift that I am living. Sometimes, I cannot understand why I am living. I am depressed. I want to find something that can trigger my interest. Maybe I am the person Helen told me before that I cannot live without some guys who can acompany me all the time. Maybe,I think. But I cannot underatand why the guys like Y and Q have some guys running after them but I don't! I cannot imagine what was my feeling during that night when Y told me Justin asked her to be his grilfriend. I felt I was hurt heavily.I felt I lost my dignity. I cannot bear others' ignore. I even can imagin Y's supriety on me. But I should pretend to be happy about their relationship! Why should I do that!! I don't think I'm inferior than Y at all aspects! Plus, C's attitude also hurts me alot.I felt that he doesn't need me anymore. Sometimes, I asked myself if I loved him any longer? Did I love him once? I felt I sacrificed a lot for him though I enev don't know if I loved him once. I feel I can live without him now and I don't miss him that much than before. So I think maybe what I need is just a guy who can take care of me and support my life. What is the forever love? Does it really exsit? I doubt. I hope I can find my Mr. Right. I'm looking for that love which can make me so involved. I envy the guys in comic books as the girls are so happiness with their Mr. Right. I wish tomorrow is another day! I hope my happiness is coming! I hope I can happy! I bless myself happy everyday! I can live !