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Experiencing Freedom in America

(2017-02-11 09:06:38) 下一个

Mr. Bai was our teacher when I studied at the New

Oriental School (now NYSE:EDU) 20 years ago in

Beijing to pass the GRE and TOEFL tests. He

realized our collective dream at the time, i.e.,

that he attended the Peking University and went on

to study in a prestigous US college on scholarship.

A lively guy in his early 30s, he used to tell us

stories from his days abroad. I forgot the details

but one thing he enlightened us with with undisguised

disappointment and frustruation. "You do have

freedom in America," he said, "the kind where

nobody gives a shit about you." That statement has

kept coming to mind from time to time.

 

Many years later, I read the book "The War of Art"

by Steven Pressfield (through Joe Rogan). I felt

it was written for me and it came at the right time.

Pressfield talked about, among other things, the

despair of freedom:

 

        These are not easy questions. Who am I?

        Why am I here? They're not easy because

        the human being isn't wired to function as

        an individual. We're wired tribally, to

        act as part of a group. Our psyches are

        programmed by millions of years of

        hunter-gatherer evolution. We know what

        the clan is; we know how to fit into the

        band and the tribe. What we don't know is

        how to be alone. We don't know how to be

        free individuals.

 

and

 

        What exactly is this despair? It is the

        despair of freedom. The dislocation and

        emasculation experienced by the individual

        cut free from the familiar and comforting

        structures of the tribe and the clan, the

        village and the family.

 

        It is the state of modern life.

 

For me, learning to live with the American freedom

was very much like learning to swim. First of all,

I loved to be in the water. Early pre-teen

attempts at floating, however, failed miserably.

As long as I stayed on dry land, the situation

didn't improve. But the itch was natural and

deep-seated. Over the next 20 years, I never let

it go until I could swim all four major styles and

did a 3km Swim-A-Thon. I eventually was able to

feel free in the water.

 

Likewise, I never forgot one thing (aside from

fame and fortune) that I came here for, i.e., to

experience the Western culture and to be as free

in the adopted culture as in the one that first

claimed me.

 

I have learnt to love it.

Nobody gives a shit about me, still. I can live

with that and even enjoy being free from care.

Cheap attentions out of the way, I could focus on

true progresses, e.g., my English to hone everyday,

my health to win the hard way, setting an example

for my kid, etc. Over time my skin has grown

thicker, things that used to hurt me no longer do,

and I have stopped taking things too seriously.

 

Do I miss my tribe in the old country? Absolutely.

If only for the love for those who raised me. Do I

still dream the classic Chinese dream of a man

above men? 18 years after migration, it finally

has stopped haunting me.

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7grizzly 回复 悄悄话 Thank you, my friend. Your liking means a lot.
暖冬cool夏 回复 悄悄话 Cannot help leaving a message again. Really love your English!
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