gweipwu
四海之内皆兄弟
1. Misunderstanding
Our first day at a resort, my wife and I decided to hit the
beach. When I went back to our room to get something to
drink, the hotel maid was making our bed. I grabbed my
cooler and was on my way out when I paused and asked,
“Can we drink beer on the beach?”
“Sure,” she said, “but I have to finish the rest of the rooms
first.”
1. 误解
我们在度假村的第一天，我和妻子决定去海滩。 当我回到我们的
房间去拿些喝的东西的时候，酒店的女仆正在整理我们的床。
我拿了我的手提冷藏盒正在出去时，停下来问道：”我们可以在沙滩上喝啤酒吗？”
“当然，”她说，“但我必须先完成剩下的房间。”
2. In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a
vision of God by her bedside. “Will I die?” she asks.
God says, “No. You have thirty more years to live.”
With thirty years to look forward to, she decides to make
the best of it. So since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast
implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and
collagen injections in her lips. She looks great!
The day she‘s discharged, she exits the hospital with a
swagger, crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an
ambulance and killed.
Up in heaven, she sees God.
“You said I had thirty more years to live,” she complains.
“That’s true,” says God.
“So what happened?”
God shrugs. “I didn’t recognize you.”
2. 在心脏病发作的手术中，一名中年妇女看到
在她的床边有上帝的景像。 “我会死吗？” 她问。
上帝说：“不。 你还有三十年的寿命。”
有这三十年的期待，她决定一切都应该用
最好的。 所以自从她在医院里，她得到了乳房
植入物、吸脂术、腹部除皱术、毛发移植术和
在她的嘴唇上注射胶原蛋白。 她看起来很棒！
出院那天，她大摇大摆，穿过马路，立即被一个
救护车撞死了。
在天堂，她看到了上帝。
“你说我还能再活三十年，”她抱怨道。
“那是真的，”上帝说。
“所以发生了什么事？”
上帝耸了耸肩。 “我没认出你。”
3. A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads TALKING DOG FOR
SALE . Intrigued, he walks in.
“So, what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog.
“I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps
rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in
Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a
retirement home.”
The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s owner, “Why
on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like
that?”
The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of
that!”
3. 一个人在房子外面发现一个牌子，上面写着： 销售会说话的狗。 好奇地他走了进去。
“那么，你都做了些什么？” 他问狗。
“我过着非常充实的生活，”狗说。 “我住在阿尔卑斯山，营救雪崩遇难者。 然后我为我的国家服务
在伊拉克。 而现在我每天都在给养老院某家的居民读书。”
这家伙大吃一惊。 他问狗的主人，“为什么你竟然想摆脱一只如此奇妙的狗呢？”
老板说：“因为它是骗子！ 它从来没有做过任何它所说的！”
4. A man is walking in a graveyard when he hears the Third
Symphony played backward. When it’s over, the Second
Symphony starts playing, also backward, and then the First.
“What’s going on?” he asks a cemetery worker.
“It’s Beethoven,” says the worker. “He’s decomposing.”
4. 一个人在墓地里行走时听到第三个声音
交响乐倒着演奏。 结束后，第二
Symphony 开始播放，也向后播放，然后是 First。
“这是怎么回事？” 他问墓地工人。
“这是贝多芬，”工人说。 “他正在腐烂（他正在逐个减去作曲）。”
注： compose是作曲，decomposing是腐烂，或者减去作曲
5. A poodle and a collie are walking together when the poodle
suddenly unloads on his friend. “My life is a mess,” he says.
“My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a
schnauzer, and I’m as jittery as a cat.”
“Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” suggests the
collie.
“I can’t,” says the poodle. “I’m not allowed on the couch.”
5. 贵宾犬和牧羊犬一起散步时，贵宾犬
突然放下它的朋友。 “我的生活一团糟，”它说。
“我的主人很卑鄙，我的女朋友跟雪纳瑞逃跑了，我像猫一样紧张。”
“你为什么不去看心理医生？” 牧羊犬建议说。
“我不能，”贵宾犬说。 “我不被允许坐在沙发上。”
