Live Longer, Better, Wiser: How To Set Goals—And Reach Them

How To Set Goals—And Reach Them By Joy Browne I gave you this list of goals—find a date to the prom, get pregnant, become a CEO, buy a dress for your kid's wedding—you'd be able to hazard a fairly accurate guess about the age of the individual making each wish. Goals are a manifestation of our dreams, our priorities and our value systems, all of which shift with time. To a 20-year-old, success may mean a white-collar job; at 40, he or she may value flexibility—a job that allows time to take more vacations with the kids, to play golf or mentor a person starting out. Yet it's surprising how often we allow goals to become carved in stone. That's because, even as the value of certain goals diminishes, the urgency and yearning associated with them may remain. Emotional resources can be squandered by holding onto goals that are no longer meaningful or even counterproductive to the life you actually lead. Clearly, goals need to be periodically reevaluated, so you'll have not only a sense of direction but also a sense of progress. To set goals that are achievable, discard those that no longer apply to your life and narrow down the new ones. Without this process, a goal can seem lofty—a matter of fate, out of our hands. Focus is easily and inexpensively obtained with paper and pencil. Here are some tips to keep in mind: Avoid New Year's-type resolutions. Set personal goals according to your own internal timetable and steer clear of the type of goals traditionally made at the start of the year. You know the ones I'm talking about: lose weight, stop smoking, spend more time with the family, get fit. They're ubiquitous. I call them "pity party favors," since these recurring unmet goals focus exclusively on the negative and only make us feel lousy. They become more of the baggage that we all carry around. Speaking of which, if you've had the same well-defined, time-delineated goal for years, something's not working. Toss it or redefine it. Be specific. The more specific you are—in scope and duration—the more likely you are to succeed. Goals can be slippery, elusive little devils unless they're pinned down. Nailing them down helps you discover what you really want. That doesn't necessarily mean you'll get it, but it increases the possibility. We all want to be happy, but what exactly would make you happy? Don't be obscure, obvious or abstract—factors that typically doom resolutions. Everyone would like to be wealthier, but how much money do you want, by when, for what? How many pounds do you want to lose, by when, and why? (Not coincidentally, oceans of pounds are lost just before high school reunions.) If your goal is a raise, ask yourself why you want one. Is it about the money to buy a new car, save for a first home or take a vacation? Or could it be about acknowledgement of your value to the company? Each answer will send you in a different direction. Plumb your soul and keep asking yourself: "What is underlying this?" Get to the basics. Think in steps. Keep breaking your goals into smaller and smaller steps. You need a sense of where you're going and where you eventually want to be. How you get there is crucial. Look at each step and consider what has to happen before that step can occur. "I want to save $2 a day" is much more viable than "I want to save money" or "I want to be better at saving money." Figure out your tactics. Thinking in small steps, ask yourself: "What do I need to do to accomplish this?" If your goal is to be healthier, your tactic may be to exercise for at least 30 minutes four times a week and eat one less Big Mac a week. If your goal is to find true love, your tactic may be to write a personal ad, get out of the house at least twice a week or send out the word to at least three friends that you are looking. Limit their number. Tackling more than one goal at a time is foolhardy. Besides, any goal is going to be composed of smaller, achievable goals. Build on your skills. If you want to develop a brand-new expertise, consider what other previously unknown skill you were able to master. Note: A pep talk to yourself is a good way to begin a project. Embrace change. The world changes and, mercifully, we are not the same people we once were. Our goals remind us of what we dare to wish for and will work to accomplish. They are the milestones by which we assess our growth, progress and transformations. Joy Browne is a clinical psychologist, author and nationally syndicated radio host