I agree with the premise that it is better to stay single than marry someone unsupportive. But...Men or non-binary humans don't need a supportive spouse? I'm struggling to understand the narrow lens. It might make sense in a women's magazine but in the Harvard Business Review?
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大學校園,幾萬男女,卻找不到可婚那位,緣與份,可遇不可求 - Mystery!
==
Professionally ambitious women really only have two options when it comes to their personal partners — a super-supportive partner or no partner at all.
(edited)
4 Replies4 Replies on Ryan Dubois, M.Ed.’s comment
Christina Long Ahhh.
The support from men at work…that’s the issue, not necessarily the man at home.
That can be frustrating for some women.
What makes that even worse is they not only getting lame support from a lot of males at work, there’re getting undercut in many quiet and invisible ways.
I get it.
Thank you for pointing out your valid perspective.
The support from men at work…that’s the issue, not necessarily the man at home.
That can be frustrating for some women.
What makes that even worse is they not only getting lame support from a lot of males at work, there’re getting undercut in many quiet and invisible ways.
I get it.
Thank you for pointing out your valid perspective.
I sorta agree.
We men are slow at some things not because we are innately slow but because we don’t prioritize them.
Asking a potential mate if he could see himself prioritizing, say in the top three….your career ambitions, and you get an emotional yes as he puts his wine glass down, you’ve got a good start.
Now your due diligence kicks in and his sincerity gets put on display.
After the 3 dates, one of which will be cancelled because of a work issue, his others lights will get turned on….or stay off.
Oh, and yes, from my perspective, this topic is an important issue for women.
To be their best in the workplace and find a suitable and fun loving partner requires great awareness and understanding.
We men are slow at some things not because we are innately slow but because we don’t prioritize them.
Asking a potential mate if he could see himself prioritizing, say in the top three….your career ambitions, and you get an emotional yes as he puts his wine glass down, you’ve got a good start.
Now your due diligence kicks in and his sincerity gets put on display.
After the 3 dates, one of which will be cancelled because of a work issue, his others lights will get turned on….or stay off.
Oh, and yes, from my perspective, this topic is an important issue for women.
To be their best in the workplace and find a suitable and fun loving partner requires great awareness and understanding.
(edited)
Off the mark. If you’re in a partnership, of any description, it should be ‘supportive’ and meet the needs of both partners. How is your gender correlated to, or dictates the expectations or requirements of support from your partner?!
1 Reply1 Comment on Lise Sperling’s comment
Lisa unfortunately from your comment is is apparent you didn’t read the article.
I'd have thought this is an absurd and depressing suggestion. Can you not have high ambitions personally and professionally? If you are a high achiever, you will find a way through to find a compatible partner if you want one. And whatever your gender, surely supporting your partner is pretty much a sacrosanct rule? I found that article overly negative and apportioning blame to a certain gender. Life and career is all about trade offs with all relationships whether professional, personal, intimate or otherwise. Quite surprised it made the cut on HBR
“Professionally ambitious women really only have two options when it comes to their personal partners - a super-supportive partner or no partner at all. Anything in between ends up being a morale- & career-sapping morass.
Fill the VACuum for better balance at home.
V - Vision
Discuss long-term personal & professional goals early, & revise regularly. Lack of alignment & mutual support between couples can derail entire life strategies. Be clear about what support will be required & expected to achieve these goals & where it will come from.
A - Active listening
Introduce regular sit-down listening sessions. Dedicated, face-to-face, concentrated, unspeaking, listening to everything your partner needs to say. Repeat back what you heard. Adjust as necessary & switch.
C - Comments & feedback (aka flattery)
Everyone appreciates feedback; 5 positive comments for every “constructive” one. Everyone love to be admired, especially by their intimate partners.
Retaining women, at home & at work, takes skill & self-awareness.
Adapted from HBR article, ‘If You Can’t Find a Spouse Who Supports Your Career, Stay Single’ by Avivah Wittenberg-Cox
Fill the VACuum for better balance at home.
V - Vision
Discuss long-term personal & professional goals early, & revise regularly. Lack of alignment & mutual support between couples can derail entire life strategies. Be clear about what support will be required & expected to achieve these goals & where it will come from.
A - Active listening
Introduce regular sit-down listening sessions. Dedicated, face-to-face, concentrated, unspeaking, listening to everything your partner needs to say. Repeat back what you heard. Adjust as necessary & switch.
C - Comments & feedback (aka flattery)
Everyone appreciates feedback; 5 positive comments for every “constructive” one. Everyone love to be admired, especially by their intimate partners.
Retaining women, at home & at work, takes skill & self-awareness.
Adapted from HBR article, ‘If You Can’t Find a Spouse Who Supports Your Career, Stay Single’ by Avivah Wittenberg-Cox
(edited)
No,no,no,no .... Same way, If you will be a employee to your boss, oops "husband" for maKe childs, clean and cook and will need abandoned your dreams, future and career, shut down and be single and happy creature. This sexist era passsed away ????!! By the way, thats a very bad point of view for 2021, when everybody needs colaborative act, no matter who, husband, wife, kids, parents or friends. No one needs a toxic relationship!
GREAT article!!!
(edited)
What a horrible advise? This is completely ridiculous. You cannot equate a spouse to a job! Marriage is a great institution. Comparing a human dimension to life with job satisfaction is simply undermining and abusing the institution. We talk gender balance in organisations… the same should be encouraged in life partnering as well. There are thousands of family oriented successful women like Indira Nooyi… As HBR you should support for successful women in career as well as in family… instead you resort to running away from challenge and offer scrap solution… incredible!
(edited)
Interesting article. I tend to agree with the premise. I would think that any developing relationship would talk this through before committing. When my wife and I married 49 years ago we assumed the traditional roles of marriage. Today with those traditions have changed and it is imperative that planning and communication about careers be in the forefront. I would say that dual career relationships add a greater degree of complexity to a relationship. That fact that throwaway relationships are common and divorce rates greater than 50% i agree with the author. if your career comes before your relationship then stay single.
You need an intelligent prediction tool to identify this type of future spouse
1 Reply1 Comment on Dr. Hari Nair, PMP®’s comment
Partners relate better when their emotions are aligned with each other. Human emotions can be too erratic. I doubt if any intelligent prediction tool will work.
评论
TJKCB
2021-10-28 13:03:15
回复
悄悄话
Why? So be it.
==
张爱玲的经典爱情美句语录读议（三十一）
姚顺
姚顺????????
2021-10-27 03:10
阅读: 86
张爱玲的经典爱情美句语录读议（三十一）
125、一个知己就好象一面镜子，反映出我们天性中最优美的部分。
议：老婆不知己，但知道得很准，你和谁知己。
知己者，互相秀自己好看的，悄悄的。
在网上看到骂自己话的，谈不上知己，可常常是提个醒：别忘了，你是个啥东东！
发“人生得一知己足矣”感慨之日，也是开撕自己之时。以为。“自己的嘛嘛，怎么像没password，为其尽悉？”之疑，悄然升起，小确幸，也小悻悻。
知己，多是话说得投机的成色，那话常常也就是一句半句的。
求知己比“认识你自己”，是非常本质的文明差异。求知己，是串门。“Let me be alone”，是认识自己。
找知己，优美之处在于，在人类的群居性已被泯灭于尽时，还想着找个伴儿。
找知己，是要去做美容，那师傅是唯一的。他从不说自己丑在哪儿。做完后，自觉美得不行，同时也知道不是这样的。
找知己，走向孤独，但还不。屈原决定投江，阮玲玉自杀，才是孤独。所以，求知己，别装苦叽叽的样，当美滋滋的。因为，这是精品店的消费水平。
两个人一旦完全重合，另一个就废了。就是这回事。找到知己后，自己仍全须全尾，他也是，这就对了。克隆，很惨烈！
“话”，知己。几个不是？“在冰冷的水中，有人托了自己一下。一直不知是谁。一直在找。”有这相遇的，几个？喜欢后者，纵然无言。
有时，挺怕知己的。
心里，其实不希望有知己。
曾为找不到知己庆幸过吗？
张爱玲与胡兰成，是她知他，他以为知她。做为外人，退远了看，他俩，两股道上跑的车。就是看相：胡兰成，，江南一带顶级质量的酸sir ；张爱玲，沦落到吃救济，也是千古一女。把张胡看了，把张爱胡说读遍，会以为，“知己”真的就是面哈哈镜，哈哈自己一会会吧！
真心喜欢的是：各持自己的响应，不必触膝的示意，无论如何叫起来都觉得是悄悄话；不伴，但陪；没声，听得见；无限，没有；淡淡的，总在；不问“懂啦？”也不问“收到啦？”；电子纠缠，测不准。
会觉得司马迁知己，自己知道他，不多，可感觉上总以为知道得不少；
一回也没有在诗词里有知道的感受，五千年历史并不虚无，于自己，它在哪儿，没有雾霾厚，却有那种浑；
和张爱玲，又面熟来又面生。好想碰到，碰到也不敢“喝杯咖啡好吗？”会盯着她的照片看了又看，会有一丝丝的感伤。
126、替别人做点事，又有点怨，活著才有意思，否则太空虚了。
议：有时，会写写毛笔字，小字。有种退出生死群的感受。
曾很在意过写得好不好。忽然自问：你觉得呢？自己居然愣住了。
拿着毛笔这早已功成身退的傢伙，像捏着一段时间的两端，会觉得某种出离。笔转墨遗，不是写，而是过；早知当初，为何今日？篇竟，笔头心头，茫然然得一片。
写毛笔字还有这道好，意外。
退群，有点过。退两步回顾，应当。勇往直前，久了，变成一根筋，回都回不去。走走，停停。正常人，都这样。
问题是：停下，你有个篷子吗？用毛笔写小字，可当篷用，蛮自得。
过出意义和回看时也看出意义，都挺重要。 以为。
127、书是最好的朋友。唯一的缺点是使我近视加深，但还是值得的。
议：于我，看点不在说的，在写的这白话的道地。
文言，炼字。“如怨如诉如泣如慕”，“登临送目”“马作的卢飞快，弓如霹雳乍惊”，红楼梦，聊斋，后来的新白话鲁迅俞平伯沈从文钟阿城王朔，都有这手功夫。
也没什么不好。炼，是技术活。人工痕迹明显不说，还很容易流于玩弄。一套《古文观止》上下两册，下册差不多全是弄辞。“爱你没商量”和平眼下文章里多以网语显与时俱进一样，还是那手艺，换个样子耍。
张爱玲的白话，不讲这手艺。她的功夫在用不能再简约的平易，写出精准对头的感受。
张的白话，常有女孩的聪绝灵透。不是一个字，一句话“绝了”，而是my God, 可以这样想，这样说。接着，眼前一亮，真多了。
不是她用白话，而是白话幸运地遇到她。觉得。张爱玲白话几乎是没继承的，白话到她笔下，像是相遇，两个不用打招呼就交头接耳说女人话了。
故而，张爱玲的白话，不源于白话文运动，源于她自身。张爱玲不写白话，写啥？
苏青是不是也这样呢？徐志摩林徽因冰心等，都是选用白话的。觉得。
总在猜，自幼双语并用的张爱玲，当在英文里得到透亮，她又聪绝，把汉语嫁接上，长出别人那里没有这重明白却不肤浅的白话。
==
张爱玲的经典爱情美句语录读议（三十一）
姚顺
姚顺????????
2021-10-27 03:10
阅读: 86
张爱玲的经典爱情美句语录读议（三十一）
125、一个知己就好象一面镜子，反映出我们天性中最优美的部分。
议：老婆不知己，但知道得很准，你和谁知己。
知己者，互相秀自己好看的，悄悄的。
在网上看到骂自己话的，谈不上知己，可常常是提个醒：别忘了，你是个啥东东！
发“人生得一知己足矣”感慨之日，也是开撕自己之时。以为。“自己的嘛嘛，怎么像没password，为其尽悉？”之疑，悄然升起，小确幸，也小悻悻。
知己，多是话说得投机的成色，那话常常也就是一句半句的。
求知己比“认识你自己”，是非常本质的文明差异。求知己，是串门。“Let me be alone”，是认识自己。
找知己，优美之处在于，在人类的群居性已被泯灭于尽时，还想着找个伴儿。
找知己，是要去做美容，那师傅是唯一的。他从不说自己丑在哪儿。做完后，自觉美得不行，同时也知道不是这样的。
找知己，走向孤独，但还不。屈原决定投江，阮玲玉自杀，才是孤独。所以，求知己，别装苦叽叽的样，当美滋滋的。因为，这是精品店的消费水平。
两个人一旦完全重合，另一个就废了。就是这回事。找到知己后，自己仍全须全尾，他也是，这就对了。克隆，很惨烈！
“话”，知己。几个不是？“在冰冷的水中，有人托了自己一下。一直不知是谁。一直在找。”有这相遇的，几个？喜欢后者，纵然无言。
有时，挺怕知己的。
心里，其实不希望有知己。
曾为找不到知己庆幸过吗？
张爱玲与胡兰成，是她知他，他以为知她。做为外人，退远了看，他俩，两股道上跑的车。就是看相：胡兰成，，江南一带顶级质量的酸sir ；张爱玲，沦落到吃救济，也是千古一女。把张胡看了，把张爱胡说读遍，会以为，“知己”真的就是面哈哈镜，哈哈自己一会会吧！
真心喜欢的是：各持自己的响应，不必触膝的示意，无论如何叫起来都觉得是悄悄话；不伴，但陪；没声，听得见；无限，没有；淡淡的，总在；不问“懂啦？”也不问“收到啦？”；电子纠缠，测不准。
会觉得司马迁知己，自己知道他，不多，可感觉上总以为知道得不少；
一回也没有在诗词里有知道的感受，五千年历史并不虚无，于自己，它在哪儿，没有雾霾厚，却有那种浑；
和张爱玲，又面熟来又面生。好想碰到，碰到也不敢“喝杯咖啡好吗？”会盯着她的照片看了又看，会有一丝丝的感伤。
126、替别人做点事，又有点怨，活著才有意思，否则太空虚了。
议：有时，会写写毛笔字，小字。有种退出生死群的感受。
曾很在意过写得好不好。忽然自问：你觉得呢？自己居然愣住了。
拿着毛笔这早已功成身退的傢伙，像捏着一段时间的两端，会觉得某种出离。笔转墨遗，不是写，而是过；早知当初，为何今日？篇竟，笔头心头，茫然然得一片。
写毛笔字还有这道好，意外。
退群，有点过。退两步回顾，应当。勇往直前，久了，变成一根筋，回都回不去。走走，停停。正常人，都这样。
问题是：停下，你有个篷子吗？用毛笔写小字，可当篷用，蛮自得。
过出意义和回看时也看出意义，都挺重要。 以为。
127、书是最好的朋友。唯一的缺点是使我近视加深，但还是值得的。
议：于我，看点不在说的，在写的这白话的道地。
文言，炼字。“如怨如诉如泣如慕”，“登临送目”“马作的卢飞快，弓如霹雳乍惊”，红楼梦，聊斋，后来的新白话鲁迅俞平伯沈从文钟阿城王朔，都有这手功夫。
也没什么不好。炼，是技术活。人工痕迹明显不说，还很容易流于玩弄。一套《古文观止》上下两册，下册差不多全是弄辞。“爱你没商量”和平眼下文章里多以网语显与时俱进一样，还是那手艺，换个样子耍。
张爱玲的白话，不讲这手艺。她的功夫在用不能再简约的平易，写出精准对头的感受。
张的白话，常有女孩的聪绝灵透。不是一个字，一句话“绝了”，而是my God, 可以这样想，这样说。接着，眼前一亮，真多了。
不是她用白话，而是白话幸运地遇到她。觉得。张爱玲白话几乎是没继承的，白话到她笔下，像是相遇，两个不用打招呼就交头接耳说女人话了。
故而，张爱玲的白话，不源于白话文运动，源于她自身。张爱玲不写白话，写啥？
苏青是不是也这样呢？徐志摩林徽因冰心等，都是选用白话的。觉得。
总在猜，自幼双语并用的张爱玲，当在英文里得到透亮，她又聪绝，把汉语嫁接上，长出别人那里没有这重明白却不肤浅的白话。
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Ryan Dubois, M.Ed. out of network3rd+Mortgage Loan Originator at First Colony Mortgage