混在美国名校
海攀
第二十章 不眠之夜
杨小静静悄悄地回到实验室上班了，仍然跟以前一样，拼命干，拼命学，非常努力。除了复杂的眼神和隐约的流言外，同事们没有其它异常表现，好象一切正常，什么都没有发生。毕竟，木已成舟，多说无用，况且那是人家的私事，又不违法，谁也管不着。更重要的是，大家都端着老板的饭碗吃饭，谁也不敢跟老板过不去。在美国，第一惹不起的是老板，第二惹不起的是警察，所以甭管这事道德不道德，没有谁敢跳进来趟这个浑水。至于倒霉蛋郑卫，好心人也只能劝他节哀顺便，胳膊拧不过大腿，人在屋檐下，不得不低头嘛。还有几个中国人给他大讲同胞的老婆被洋人拐跑的各种惨事，仿佛别人的不幸，能够减少郑卫的痛苦似的。
杨小静不但没有因为新的特殊身份而趾高气昂，反而变得比以前更低调、更谦恭，见到实验室的人甚至一副怯生生的模样。一则她很清楚别人会怎么看她跟吉姆的这件事，她没有浅薄到要拿这事去炫耀，去惹来更大的反感；再则她更明白，威望和信任，都是自己干出来的，不是别人可以赐予的。吉姆是吉姆，她是她，她要靠自己的努力去变成强者，去赢得别人的尊重。
当然，她尽可能地躲着郑卫，很害怕他会来找自己的麻烦，比如跑到她的实验室里大吵大闹甚至打她。如果他骂出什么难听的脏话来，会使她名誉扫地。如果他打人被警察抓起来，不仅对他不好，她自己也会又成为校园的新闻中心，以后更没有办法见人。不过，这些可怕的情况，一直没有出现。她稍稍松了口气，又一次对郑卫心怀感激。她觉得这是她所能想象到的最好的情况了，她和郑卫可以算是好合好散。
其实二三个月过去，老婆变成老板娘有好一阵了，郑卫的冲天怒火，也变得暗淡下来。时间是最好的疗伤药，无论当初伤得多重，只要有足够的时间，一切都会过去。况且郑卫再不理智，也很清楚，这就是“爱到尽头，覆水难收”，怎么都不可能挽回。这贱人已经变成老板夫人了，他寄人篱下，不可能不投鼠忌器。他本来的退路诸如转硕甚至退学，都是以太太有工作收入且能办绿卡为前提的。杨小静这一跑，他什么依靠都没有了，除了自己继续奋斗，也真是别无它途。
当然，仇恨入心，也不是那么容易抹去的。有一次杨小静从厕所出来，正好迎面碰到郑卫。她吓坏了，低着头贴着墙根想从他身边溜过去。郑卫看到了她，故意昂起头来，做出一副极度不屑的样子。在他们交错的那一瞬间，她清楚地听到郑卫低声骂道：“贱人！臭婊子！呸！”她的泪水一下子冲了出来，捂着脸哭着跑回了实验室。
杨小静干活更拼命了，她一定要干出一番事业来，证明给郑卫、“当牛做马的”、还有那些看不起她的人看一看，她找吉姆根本不是为了钱，她自己能养活自己，她干得绝不比任何人差。吉姆现在晚上时不时又要去泡咖啡馆，不是为了跟谁聊天，而是要等杨小静。每每看到杨小静累的话都不想说，有时候躺在车后座上就睡着了，他都是既心疼又无奈。无论他怎么劝，他的宝贝总是说：“亲爱的，别耽心，我很好，我很快乐。我喜欢我的工作，喜欢这样的生活。你不懂得，有工作做是多么幸福！”
这天杨小静又是干到深夜才一摇三晃地走出实验室。吉姆陪着她一起走向室内趴车场，就是郑卫当年经常跑来参观靓车的那一个。杨小静挽着吉姆的手臂，拖着疲惫的步伐走着，突然看到最明亮的那盏路灯的正下方，停着一辆崭新的红色敞棚小宝马，真是帅呆了、酷毙了、漂亮死了，她不由地瞪大眼睛叫道：“哇，好可爱！”吉姆问她：“你想不想要一辆这样的车？”要是以前对郑卫，杨小静早就喊着想要了，可是对吉姆，她并不想显得太贪婪。她摇摇头说：“不想。你说过这种车是富家子弟开的，我以后买一辆职业人士开的车就行了。”吉姆叹了口气说：“我很遗憾。这么说我只好把它退回去了。本来我是想把它做为礼物送给你的。”杨小静大吃一惊，难以置信地看着吉姆：“你开玩笑吧？我的上帝呀！这是真的？”吉姆微笑着按了一下手中的摇控器，那辆小宝马立即叫了一声，前后的灯都放射出欢快的光芒。杨小静“啊”地叫了一声，冲到小宝马车前，左摸右看，喜欢的都快疯了。突然，她不动了，眼泪慢慢地流下来。她慢慢地走到吉姆身旁，慢慢地扑进他的怀里，抽泣着说：“亲爱的，你对真是太好了！谢谢你，太谢谢你了！”吉姆看到她激动地直哭，拥着她笑着说：“其实我是自私，想让你以后自己开车上下班，我就不用等你了。你为什么快乐成这样？好象咱们结婚时你都没有这么快乐呀。”杨小静抹抹泪说：“因为我们已经结了婚了呀！现在你不送给我汽车，我也不会跑呀。这证明了你对我的爱！”吉姆深情地抱紧她说：“静，我爱你，非常爱你！爱，就要表现出来！”
我说的玩的，你还真当真啦，嘿嘿～～
That's ok - I just want to exchange thoughts with people who are interested in what I wrote, not the language itself.
尽量写得真实吧。我要是把她写成道德楷模，你信吗？大概除了那个奇迹男信，全国人民都不信：）
写给我没问题，咱都是chinglish嘛：）不过其他网友有可能懒得看了。
美国人对什么都分得很清的，那些都是一点亏不会吃的主。
你去实验室做几天就知道了，要想找活，多的很。名校更是一个人几个projects，基本等于靠时间硬拼。
好吧，咱马上就去：）
该怎么写怎么写呀，你不会真要把她写成烈女+处女吧，哈哈～～～
刚刚是个+号～～
该怎么写怎么写呀，你不会真要把她写成烈女-处女吧，哈哈～～～
hehe I hope you don't that. As far as I know, lots of folks who got dumped by their wives for better lives in the end live quite happily.
One wife who eloped with her lover and took all her hubby's hard savings through the restaurant work in early 1990s in Chicago, only came back to confess to her ex-hubby and asked for his forgiveness 10 yrs later. His ex-hubby finally finished his PhD and became a community college professor with a younger wife and beautiful kids.
In life, there is no road you can't cross. I assume you are still in your 20s, am I right?
sorry I didn't mean to show off English - as you can see my English is also so so. Too slow for me to type Chinese since my mandarin pronounciation is quite bad, only slightly better than my cantonese classmates'/
Totally agree - it might be the rear end :-) Butt is going to explore everywhere including the butt
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xiaoc288 评论于：2011-08-04 16:03:29 [回复评论]
回复海攀的评论:
就知道你会这么说，你就会替她辩护。就算你把她吹成个为国“捐躯”的烈女，俺们也不觉得奇怪。
忘了说，静嫁给BUTTMAN的时候还是处女，哈哈
怎么也买把枪，把奸夫淫妇打成筛子。
不用打成筛子，太浪费子弹了，不环保，弄几个小洞就行了
不管你信不信，反正我不信。
但有一点，郑太窝囊了，换我，怎么也买把枪，把奸夫淫妇打成筛子。外F女永远也不会得到中国人的认可的，不管现实中的，网络上的。
如果是给作者提建议，我好歹还算懂一点英语。如果希望大伙一起讨论，最好写中文，英文其他网友可能一烦就不看了。
兄弟你有点天真。国内网友喜欢重口味，你要想挣钱，就必须往那方面写。
他们都很忙，不知道有没有时间看这些。
马上就要演别的了：）
写得不错。也许郑卫会听你的。
牛和马已经骂过她了，别的中国人也鄙视她。如果你写小说，你打算怎么写呢？
是郑卫骂了她。
谢谢认真。生活中的影响因素很多，很难根据一件事判断很多。
就想说你们这些敲英文的，装你丫的什么装。别跟我说在班上计算机不能输入中文啥的。在先输入中文的网站一搜一堆。
是海攀故意把小静写得低俗肤浅？一辆车就是真爱的表现？这和北大校园里的浪漫可比吗？她真吃这套？
是海攀故意让政委变的如此窝囊，还在鸡母这儿？大不了和他吵翻回国虫头开始。找老七一起奋发创业。回头写小说新浪网也能连载，叫‘别了，美国名校’。中国的读者多，靠稿费就发了。
再补充一下，如果郑卫真的那么花那么多时间玩的话，他的效率其实是非常高的。让人钦佩。“郑卫混得太厉害了”，我无话可说。
可以理解xiaoc的感受，海攀的回复从来就是为jing和jim掩饰，把一切责任都推在wei的身上。“小静有小静的问题，郑卫有郑卫的错误。”笑话，婚外情是问题，“混”是错误。郑卫的错误就是满足不了小静的虚荣。三年时间，通过所有的课程，博士资格，两篇论文，尽心尽力教会自己妻子实验技术，“郑卫混得太厉害了”，我无话可说。
怎么还在演“美女与野兽”？
“美女”已不再是美女了
“野兽”是早已认定的野兽
没啥意思了嘛。
come on xiaoc. As the author, HaiPan can't let his/her emotions get in the way of the writing. I believe she/he is a great person with a high moral standard himself/herself, but it does not mean he/she should judge the characters. Every reader can then use the common sense to judge them.
Do folks remember Dr. Lu Gang of U Iowa? He was a PKU Physics class 80 and was outplayed by a USTC fellow student under the same boss and got seriously abused by his boss - his boss said bad things about him that he couldn't even get any postdoc positions (please note that at that time, post-doc positions were not so notoriously as it is today). In the end he killed several people and himself (it happened around 1990). When I visited UI in mid-1990s, friend even brought our visit to his tomb.
It is a sad story - there were jokes that had Lu managed to survive, he would have been a highly successful hedge fund manager in Wall Street, or at worst, a high-end IT farmer. I do hope Dave can manage to survive and believe he would get the lessons and become a mature man in the end.
我又看到了一个人格的扭曲，
这仿佛就是一个杯具，
反正我还没有受到激励。
老婆已飞，面子已没，
郑卫啊，郑卫，
什么是你读博的目的。
俯首贴耳，低三下四，
就这样面对
你曾经怀抱的前妻
和正怀抱着她的仇敌？
什么才是你的阳刚之气！
郑卫啊，郑卫，
谁都知道你有生存的权利，
可是，可是，
能不能多想想尊严的意义？
苟全如此，
还不如手起刀落,
剁了鬼子，痛快淋漓！
就知道你会这么说，你就会替她辩护。就算你把她吹成个为国“捐躯”的烈女，俺们也不觉得奇怪。
"Mr. Wolf definitely a person with strong feelings - I seriously believe Mr. Wolf had been hurt in the past (if it is not himself, it must be his close friend) :-)"
You are partially right, because it is 10000000% that Mr wolf himself went through the same situation. Or maybe even worst, he has been getting dumped non-stop. 阶级仇民族恨 ar!!!
Cases of Having affairs with the boss are much higher - and the marriage is one of the better outcomes
Alladin, are you a trained psychologist? You can really interpret things in professional language :-)
Not only her soul, but also her body.
Unless she can pay back to Dave in the future somewhat, she would be tormented by her own consciousness and laughed by the chinese community.
From Haipan's writing, I think the school is yale, not harvard (boston has enough good chinese restaurants there is no need for Butt to drive to NYC for good chinese food). Princeton might be another possibility but NJ also got some good restaurants.
Mr. Wolf definitely a person with strong feelings - I seriously believe Mr. Wolf had been hurt in the past (if it is not himself, it must be his close friend) :-)
it is a good thing to speak out and not hide your true feelings - you got my support! :-)
In addition, I believe Yang also slept with Butt before she left Dave. No doubt about that based on common sense - even though HaiPan kept saying she didn't but that's one-side story. I don't agreet with haiPan said. Yang probably also had secured certain guarantees from Butt before she finally dumped Dave. She is too pragamatic to not do that.
It is kind of funny when a really pragamatic lady keep telling herself - I did all thse just for love. Really, haha
Yes but she motivates herself at the price of further humiliating her ex-hubby, that's quite low
She's still a step from evil.
Ha ha, getting closer. She did sold her soul to the Devil already. She got what she wanted, but also had to pay all the price and baggage attached to it. She will not be totally happy and will continue to be tormented.
When you keep reminding yourself something in mind, that most likely means you are not sure of it. This is a way of self-persuasion. If you are sure of it, you don't even think of it all time. From this paragraph, I feel Jim will be dave #2 later, maybe soon since her story will fade out soon. Jing's coming back to the same lab can not make her big time, at most a high-level technicion, she knows. But what she really wants is to show her DILIGENCE and COMPARE WITH David and REINFORCE others with the idea that she dump David was because David was not as ambitious as she was. This is the only justifiable reason among many others for the divorce. She wants only this reason, not the other evil ones to stand out in everyone's mind in the lab, the hub of where all rumors come from. So, she work so hard in the lab. Her keeping showing her love before Jim and before others follows the same logic. All analysis above does not mean to convey she's evil. Her action and reaction are as normal as everybody. She's still a step from evil.
哈哈，你也受伤了？你是virgin，不会吧？
开玩笑的。欢迎狼兄。
谢谢你的肯定。确实，作者不要自己跳进小说里去充当道德裁判，让你的小说人物按照他们自己的生活轨迹走吧。
谢谢你讲的故事。实际上这种例子多到每个人十个指头都数不过来，只是嫁老板的还是比较少一些。
I did not say that, ha ha
她还是希望慢慢改变人们对她的看法。
刻骨铭心，极其艰难！
说得很对，祖国的强大增强了人民的自信。
她自己激励自己，不是坏事。
太轻信了吧，跟铁道部一样：）
这是她的意愿和想法。还是比躺在教授身上生活好一些吧。
对有些不负责任的男人，就应该给他屁股一脚，逼着他去奋斗。
唔，这么多问题：）
她炫耀了一回，被人骂回来了。
她有这点想法很好。
她知道没人喜欢她。
她也知道别人都认为她想要钱，所以不愿显得太贪婪 ---兼答丫头：）
In real life, she might be a really likable and respectable lady if you didn't know all the stories behind her. Most of the people probably don't care anyway.
However, once you know the stories behind her, definitely you don't want to be too close to her since nobody wants to be another Dave. Jim might be the Dave No. 2 too.
I like your writing style - let the characters play out themselves without too much emotional attachments. Great work!
I can understand Yang dumped Dave though not necessarily agree but I really feel horrible that she went back to work in the same lab. Kind of disgusting, isn't it?
恨死她了！不过好象她还没有坏成那样吧。
我只是描述她的想法，虽然别人不这样看。作者是局外人，我不可能跳到书人去打她的耳光：）
是呀，屁股决定脑袋。潜意识对人的决策可能大于理性思考。
haha there are many cases, though not necessarily gone with the boss, but mostly gone with a white man, and the hubby had to support the green card out of kindness.
In late 1990s, one chinese lady studying CS in Loyola U in Chicago had affairs with a chinese professor in order to get the projects down, In the end, the wife of the professor went to the dept and the professor lost his job. The lady graduated and got a very good job and of course moved on.
Another guy who was a PhD in geology and supported his F-2 to study CS - of course he did all projects. In the end, once she got a job, she moved out and found a white boyfriend.
每个人都是自私的。她也就是一般人。
二婚和初婚还是不一样，你可以看出她是小心翼翼的。当初她看到肖君杰的BMW时冲郑卫喊叫：“郑卫你给我买！”现在她就不能对吉姆这么喊了。为什么呢？请丫头想一想：）
谢谢评论。
她算好的，她还有内疚。有的人做了伤害他人的事一点内疚也没有，反正都是别人的错。
谢谢你的夸赞！
小静回来了，郑卫当然难受，她也不舒服。可是没有办法，生活中你并不总是跟你喜欢的人呆在一起。
是啊，看上去很虚伪。不过，西方人就是这种文化，说话很好听，下手特别狠。
又一跟老板跑了的老婆。这是网友揭露的第三例了。
她也内疚。郑卫也不是无辜的。
不喜欢她，是吧？她也知道大家都不喜欢她。
haha - thanks I like this forum and most of us do share lots of common sense
Wendi Deng is in her own class - each time she caught bigger and bigger fish until she got the blue whale. :-)
Most of the not so great ladies who can change their loves based on conditions, can only make the jump once. Emotional costs can drain people out. Wendi is the superlady.
In investments, between Jim and Wei, it is like money market fund and equity. Some ladies would like to cash out early - they were impatient so they dumped their original equity holdings. Most of the good wifes stick on and in the end equity perform well too. if Yang chose the later route, probably she would have a better life in the end. Well, she might be too pragmatic and short-sighted
"just in hope of gradually change others' attitudes toward her of which she REALLY CARES,"
In this sense, I truly admire Wendi Deng, "just do it" who cares other's opinions.
说得太对了：
She definitely has the right to pursue a better life - but indeed there is no need to paint herself as a virgin. In our old chinese saying, you can't be hookers and have a Virgin Pole (PaiFang) on the same time. Or more politely, no bear paws and fish on the same time.
这一页不是“成长”二字就能简单翻过的。
I am happy lots of us still share the same common sense.
Regarding the love to the buttman, it is a little fake as folks said. On the other hand, I don't think we should blame Yang. I started to work in 1998 and noticed most of chinese fellows bended over 180 degrees to their white bosses if they bosses asked them to bend over only 90 degrees. We are all the products of our times - we were humble and even somewhat ass-kissing due to the lack of confidence because our homeland was not rich enough and the whole nation didn't have much confidence, let alone the little guys like us who struggled for a living in the most powerful capitalism country. Now, today's young chinese working in US companies are much more confident, aggressive and took it for granted for things they think they deserve. Thankfully to our homeland's progress. If our homeland remains poor and backward as 20 yrs ago, I wouldn't think the young generation's attitude toward white bosses would be much different from the older generations's.
感觉有些假了，现在作家把她忽悠成诺贝尔，我都信了。
That's right. She doesn't care anything but herself. Hurting anybody else? Who cares? That is her.
这话怎么听得这么别扭呢？
靠自己努力？那她嫌弃郑的立足点在哪儿？跟郑在一起是要依赖郑，嫌郑不负责。现在跟了吉姆，倒要靠自己努力了？
去赢得别人的尊重？怎么觉得是对别人的侮辱呢？别人没有是非观念吗？
杨小静不仅自私，而且残忍。先给人心口一刀，再跑回来把伤口撕开了，满满地撒盐。这真的还是一个正常普通人能做的事情吗？算我孤陋寡闻。
She did not mean to hurt Zheng by divorcing and marrying Bartman, but if that's a side-effect, she does not care. She cares her own feathers, i.e. others' opinion towards her and she wants and takes action to change that. And once again if as side effect, it hurts Zheng, she does not care.
她要靠自己的努力去变成强者，去赢得别人的尊重-----she works as a tech in her husband's lab, how does she expect to earn others' respect? BTW she does not want to go to school, she think Biology is so easy that she can just do it?
见到实验室的人甚至一副怯生生的模样------that is just hypocritical, and disgusting
要是以前对郑卫，杨小静早就喊着想要了，可是对吉姆，她并不想显得太贪婪----can you tell me she is not a golddigger?
小静的心理及行为描写得的确很到位，虽然海攀坚持这是爱情，但明眼人还是可以发现小静极力讨好Jim，阿谀奉承的心态。爱情是丝丝情意的积累，加之适当时候的升华，我没有从小说中体会到。
People make decisions first, find reasons or supports thereafter. Butt determines Mind. The decision making processes are mostly emotional. An example is I don't support his idea, because bla bla (what's true in my mind is I don't like him, I hate him and whatever he says). And many decisions are based on subconscious reasoning, for example, I ate my brother's share of an apple, I would think, anyway he does not care, he's not hungry, right (the fact in my mind is, if I don't tell him, he won't know). The subconscious reasoning only flashes in our mind and we tried to avoid them if they are evil, but unfortunately, they are the most decisive factors of our behavior. We are trying to hide or cover our subconsciousness in many ways. Jing's way is to exaggerate the influences of other ethic factors and play down the ugly ones. I guess the author also intentionally do so to mislead the readers for dramatic effect. By exaggerating the minor but moral factors, she feel comfort and justified. If still not comfortable enough or not enough to pursuade others' to think in favor of her, she will use all supporting facts or create supporting facts till she feels enough.
We live for ourself in the subconsciousness when we are alone and behave for others when we are with others.
Now she goes back to the SAME LAB because those in the lab are the ones she needs to change their views toward her. So she shows with humble and work so hard, so so so UNNECESSARILY hard just in hope of gradually change others' attitudes toward her of which she REALLY CARES, though she may keep persuading herself she's not living for others' view of herself.
But Young's self fish reaches the professionally highest level.
what you said is so true, and a lot of people are like that.
She can go to other labs, or other jobs, or go to school, etc.. Working in Jim's lab is the worst way to show her value, worst of all, it further hurts David!
Not a good person at all - honsetly I looked down at her. before this, I didn't like her decision and sometimes thought her thoughts are funny or even naive. Now I don't even want to read anything about her :-)
If she is really kind, probably she should think about how to help David - probably reaching out to Juan and ask her advice on how to help David.
Of course, in real world, nobody is perfect and every one is selfish, to a certain degree. That's why this novel is so attractive.
Great job - HaiPan!
She definitely has the right to pursue a better life - but indeed there is no need to paint herself as a virgin. In our old chinese saying, you can't be hookers and have a Virgin Pole (PaiFang) on the same time. Or more politely, no bear paws and fish on the same time.
杨小静抹抹泪说：“因为我们已经结了婚了呀！现在你不送给我汽车，我也不会跑呀。这证明了你对我的爱！”
This girl of course has the right to do/say whatever she wants. However, what she says/does really decides which kid of person she really is, at least our opinions.
Just like a normal person tends to justify his/her motivation when he/she did something horrible, she also did the same way. "I got married with Jim just for the love!" haha - yes she can definitely think in that way, right or wrong. However, the history is written by the people collectively, not by what he/she said.