正文
Preface: There is no definite happy ending for this story.
I have been quite a "beauty" in my own mirror: big and round face with a double chin not showing only when I look up to the sky; I am blond- thin and yellowish hair that people thought I dyed it on purpose; the nose barely stand up and the two nostrils are as visible as can be; the eyes are single fold; short legs but long torso and three folds of muffin top around my waist; fair skin but pores are all over my nose; not even one wrinkle because of too much fat on the face. Yes, that’s what I have been but ever since I practiced hot yoga for two years, sporadically at first and more intensely for the past year, all the above features…… are gone? No, still going on but on a smaller scale, except that my bra cups progressed from B- to A+.
HOT YOGA is my secrete of not being a nightmare anymore. I lost about 20 pounds and all the jeans and tops that I once bought “in case” I lost weight one day now I can wear! Yes, that one day actually came and seems staying…
Once upon a time.. no, actually all my life, I have been a chubby girl and thankfully, chubbiness is all I care about and all people could criticize on. Well, why? Because that’s one striking shortcoming that masked all other features. People had no time to comment on the small eyes, or the hair, or the nose but only offered me different perspectives concerning one thing: my thickness. When I was just a kid, I heard “cute” all the time from nice people and “ little pig” from bullies. And as I grew up, the nice comments came as “if you lose some weight, you’d look so much better, maybe even a beauty. “ and the mean ones would go like “you are dancing, ewwwwwwww, don’t they have a standard or something?”
Oh, yes, don’t frown, I was quite a dancer once and I am not even sarcastic. That was the second year of college. Finally, I was tired of my fat image and my low grades in P.E class, so I started running. I ran through the winter, every evening after the study time. What motivated me to persist was more the menacing P.E 12-min running test than a desire to look thinner. When the spring of that year came, after I removed all the layers of clothes, I discovered on the balance that I was 15 pounds less than before! And another outcome of all the winter running was that I got A in my 12-min run. Nothing makes you want to achieve more than achievement itself. So I picked up dancing, which I had done when I was in primary school (I started to be really chubby at the pubic time). Going to dancing class twice a week plus only eating pineapple helped me to get rid of an additional 10 pounds and gave me a reward of stomach ulcer too. So by the beginning of that summer, I weighed 52 kilos and became a legend of weight-loss in my department. They say that women’s weight is reversely proportional to how many guys around, and that’s very true. I met the guy who I went out with officially for the first time, or who you can call my “first love”, just around that season. He actually told me he thought I was pretty and I laughed for a minute. “pretty? you mean inner beauty? Haha, how do you know I am not dark inside?” No matter how he tried to vindicate his admiration for my appearance, I never really believed that my look alone would attract a guy even though I was not fat already. Now I do, not because of a rising ego, but I do see how mysterious attraction is. People who love you will see you more beautiful than you are perceived otherwise. Well, that’s something off the note.
Back to my journey. That skinny age didn’t last long, not surprisingly. Lesson of failure? Too eager to be even thinner that I now suspect that I was a little mentally out of control. It should be close to symptoms of some kind of eating disorder or bulimia caused by anorexia. Since I lost weight a bit too quickly in the first place, it was hard to maintain the level, probably due to a slowed down metabolism. I found the weight easily bouncing up back even when I added a yogurt to my dinner. So I started to starve myself by going on those “seven-day diet soup” routine. I literally dreamed of food every night and sometimes went out of my mind and started binge-eating. I was cranky all day and went off at the poor then-boyfriend for no reason. And the primary reason of the come back of fat was even not all that binge eating, but that I stopped all the dancing for more time to study. I quit from the Latin-dance team and quit from the recreational ballet class. All I had left in my to-be-thin strategy is eating little on a safe level, which was so difficult for me to perform then after my stomach and my metabolism and my moods were all messed up. Yeah, I know, that must have been an eating disorder.
I have been quite a "beauty" in my own mirror: big and round face with a double chin not showing only when I look up to the sky; I am blond- thin and yellowish hair that people thought I dyed it on purpose; the nose barely stand up and the two nostrils are as visible as can be; the eyes are single fold; short legs but long torso and three folds of muffin top around my waist; fair skin but pores are all over my nose; not even one wrinkle because of too much fat on the face. Yes, that’s what I have been but ever since I practiced hot yoga for two years, sporadically at first and more intensely for the past year, all the above features…… are gone? No, still going on but on a smaller scale, except that my bra cups progressed from B- to A+.
HOT YOGA is my secrete of not being a nightmare anymore. I lost about 20 pounds and all the jeans and tops that I once bought “in case” I lost weight one day now I can wear! Yes, that one day actually came and seems staying…
Once upon a time.. no, actually all my life, I have been a chubby girl and thankfully, chubbiness is all I care about and all people could criticize on. Well, why? Because that’s one striking shortcoming that masked all other features. People had no time to comment on the small eyes, or the hair, or the nose but only offered me different perspectives concerning one thing: my thickness. When I was just a kid, I heard “cute” all the time from nice people and “ little pig” from bullies. And as I grew up, the nice comments came as “if you lose some weight, you’d look so much better, maybe even a beauty. “ and the mean ones would go like “you are dancing, ewwwwwwww, don’t they have a standard or something?”
Oh, yes, don’t frown, I was quite a dancer once and I am not even sarcastic. That was the second year of college. Finally, I was tired of my fat image and my low grades in P.E class, so I started running. I ran through the winter, every evening after the study time. What motivated me to persist was more the menacing P.E 12-min running test than a desire to look thinner. When the spring of that year came, after I removed all the layers of clothes, I discovered on the balance that I was 15 pounds less than before! And another outcome of all the winter running was that I got A in my 12-min run. Nothing makes you want to achieve more than achievement itself. So I picked up dancing, which I had done when I was in primary school (I started to be really chubby at the pubic time). Going to dancing class twice a week plus only eating pineapple helped me to get rid of an additional 10 pounds and gave me a reward of stomach ulcer too. So by the beginning of that summer, I weighed 52 kilos and became a legend of weight-loss in my department. They say that women’s weight is reversely proportional to how many guys around, and that’s very true. I met the guy who I went out with officially for the first time, or who you can call my “first love”, just around that season. He actually told me he thought I was pretty and I laughed for a minute. “pretty? you mean inner beauty? Haha, how do you know I am not dark inside?” No matter how he tried to vindicate his admiration for my appearance, I never really believed that my look alone would attract a guy even though I was not fat already. Now I do, not because of a rising ego, but I do see how mysterious attraction is. People who love you will see you more beautiful than you are perceived otherwise. Well, that’s something off the note.
Back to my journey. That skinny age didn’t last long, not surprisingly. Lesson of failure? Too eager to be even thinner that I now suspect that I was a little mentally out of control. It should be close to symptoms of some kind of eating disorder or bulimia caused by anorexia. Since I lost weight a bit too quickly in the first place, it was hard to maintain the level, probably due to a slowed down metabolism. I found the weight easily bouncing up back even when I added a yogurt to my dinner. So I started to starve myself by going on those “seven-day diet soup” routine. I literally dreamed of food every night and sometimes went out of my mind and started binge-eating. I was cranky all day and went off at the poor then-boyfriend for no reason. And the primary reason of the come back of fat was even not all that binge eating, but that I stopped all the dancing for more time to study. I quit from the Latin-dance team and quit from the recreational ballet class. All I had left in my to-be-thin strategy is eating little on a safe level, which was so difficult for me to perform then after my stomach and my metabolism and my moods were all messed up. Yeah, I know, that must have been an eating disorder.
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