A Conscience is Examined [1]
Josef Reding [2]
Translated by xia23
Now they have already asked me for 20 minutes, Georg thinks. Many questions can be asked in 20 minutes.
And my answers to these questions weren’t good, although I have paid attention, tried to find convincing answers. But I only need to look the faces of the men in the commission. No effect. The faces are expressionless. Clean-shaved Men’s faces. Why are only men in this commission? Doesn’t it concern women too when a young person has repulsion in front of weapons and war, when someone who is now 19 years old would rather work in a home for disabled children than learn to shoot in the barracks?
Georg knows some of the men. Through photos from the newspaper. There is the manufacturer Bolke. Bolke’s company makes prefabricated houses. Bolke is successful. He has been always successful. In the last World War he was a commander of the train station in Kiev.
And there is the baker Hessling. Wherever people put for me, I do my duty, baker Hessling says. And he does his duty.
He trains apprentices. He is the chairman of the baker’s guild. And he is a member of the examination commission for the those who refuse to fight in a war.
Manufacturer Bolke has asked: “What will you do if an enemy soldier wants to rape your mother?” and master baker Hessling has asked: “A man rans with a package of dynamite towards the kindergarten. You see the man running past you. And you see the children playing. What will you do?”
Georg has given his answers. No quick answers. Slow answers. Stammering answers.
And questions after questions: “Why don’t you want to use a weapon to defend your fatherland?”
What should Georg say? Should he explain that he is paralyzed for hours when he sees pictures of people being shot and slain? Can he make it clear to the men in the commission that he had to vomit when a film of shooting a deserter was shown on TV? Does he say that he trembles when a child is beaten in the neighborhood?
They won’t understand, Georg thinks. The men, who supposed to examine my conscience will shake their heads. They will shake their heads with concern. And then they will reject my request. And I have to put on the uniform and pick up the rifle in my hand and I have to practice how to push a bayonet into another person’s stomach.
As paralyzed, vomiting, trembling? Those are not arguments for the manufacturer Bolke and the baker master Hessling.
I have to come up with something else. These people are calculators, I have to present a calculation! They will understand. Perhaps.
“I believe, you can no longer defend your fatherland with a weapon in your hand”, Georg says. “what is this.. , fatherland?” Are these square kilometers of land? Or does the fatherland consist of people? Children, women, men, old people?
If the fatherland consists of such people, then I can’t protect it with the carbine or the flamethrower or the bomb. And now listen: in the war of 1870/71, out of every hundred killed, 92 were soldiers and 8 were civilians. In the war of 1914/1918, out of every hundred killed, 72 were soldiers and 28 were civilians. In the war of 1939/45, out of every hundred killed, 51 were soldiers and 49 were civilians. And in Vietnam War, out of every hundred killed, 2 were soldiers and 98 were civilians. And in the next war…?
The men look at Georg. The manufacturer Bolke has taken out silver ball pen from his pocket and writes the numbers on a pad.
What will happen now? Georg thinks.
“We should discuss”, baker Hessling says.
“You can leave. We will decide later, if your conscience is recognized!”
Georg leaves the circle of men, who have examined him.
[1]. p. 33. Ein gewissen wird geprüft. Kontakt mit der Zeit. Dieter Stöpfgeshoff. Max Hueber Verlag. Germany, 1995.
[2]. Josef Reding. 3/20/1929 – 1/10/2020. A German writer.
https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Josef_Reding
