I write motions after motions after motions. I write motions 10 hours a day. I am a motion-producing machine.
When I am not writing motions, I go to depositions. I deposed a top-notch doctor who had a literature degree from Harvard and a medical degree from Stanford, charged me $1,000 per hour to be deposed, and the only thing he ever said to me during those two hours was "what do you mean?"
"Doctor, did you see this patient on this date?" "What do you mean?" "Did you write this note?" "What do you mean?" "Doctor, is that your signature?" "What do you mean?" "Doctor, didn't you major in English at Harvard?" "What do you mean?"
After that deposition he came to my dreams for a week. In every dream I had my hands around his throat and screamed "Say it, you are a jerk! Say it!"
I worked against opposing counsel who needed his babysitter to tell him what to do. One plaintiff's counsel I worked against passed the deadline to serve me his discovery responses. He asked for a two-week extension, and I gave it to him. He was past due again, asked for another extension, and I gave to him again. The third time he asked for an extension, I said no. That got him so mad that he wrote me the following "Counsel, if you don't give me this extention, I am going to remember you when it is my turn to serve discovery requests, and I am not going to give you any either!" Oh Mr. Big-shot attorney, that just scared me to death!
Of course I worked against good opposing counsel too. I once wrote a 15-page motion in a case going to be tried in San Diego. I was so proud of my motion that I sent it to the clients before I filed it to the court. Then came my opposing counsel's opposition. In 5 pages, 7 paragraphs, plain English, he crushed my case issue-by-issue. One day before I was to fly to San Diego to argue my motion, I got a call from our local San Diego counsel. The guy whispered on the phone liek he was telling me some top secret: "I have to tell you that this plaintiff's counsel you are dealing with is very good. The judge here really likes him." Oh really? you don't say!
On top of everything at work, yesterday I lost my re-election for a seat on our HOA board of directors. To be precise, I never won. Last time I got on the board was because someone was removed from the board. In the last election I got 22 votes out of 50 something households that voted, not good enough to be elected on regular terms. This time I got 22 votes again and I lost again. On my way home last night I could not help wondering -- did the same 22 houses vote for me twice?
Well it looks like my winning days are over. Not really. Good things still happen to me. My friends on wechat know that I used to get 50% off for my afternoon coffees (only because I drank too much, several people working in that coffee house counted on me to keep their jobs), but not anymore after I moved to my new office and switched to a higher-end coffee house. Well yesterday afternoon I got my first VIP discount from them! For a $2.50 coffee the guy charged me $2.00. I was so happy that I tipped him a dollar.
So I guess, life is fair after all.