南山松

阳光明媚清风起，微波荡漾碧蓝天。

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周末一笑: 出售(转载)

(2016-07-08 17:16:54) 下一个

1 出售/Sale

When we decided to sell our house, we nailed "FOR SALE BY OWNER" signs on two trees in our front yard. Before long, the doorbell rang. “How much are you asking for the trees?" a young man asked.

当我们决定卖掉我们的房子时，我们就在前院的两棵树上钉了写着“由业主出售”的牌子。没过多久，我们的门铃就响了。“你们的树想卖多少钱?” 一位年轻男子问。

2 他似乎懂了/He seems to understand

While I was on a cruise to Mexico, one of the director's assistants got off the ship for her usual five-mile walk. Bored with the same old scenery, she decided to try another route. Sometime later she discovered that she didn't know how to get back to the ship. She hailed a cab only to find that the driver didn't speak English. Trying to make him understand her needs, she pulled out a postcard of the ship from her purse and showed it to him. "Si! Si!" the driver exclaimed, knowingly. Then he took her to the post office.

在我去墨西哥的游轮上，一位总监的助手下了船，如同以往走路五英里。她已经厌烦了那些旧景，决定尝试另一条路线。一会儿之后她发现她不知道怎样回到船上了。她叫了一辆出租车，却发现那司机不会说英语。试图让司机明白她的需要，她从钱包里取出了一张印有船的明信片给司机看。“悉!悉!”那司机叫道，好像是明白了。然后他把她送到了邮局。

3 一半的损失/Half-lost

I started my usual running with my friend as I put on my new leather gloves. I told my friend that they cost me 50 dollars. As I felt that my hands were sweating inside the new warm gloves on the way, I took them off and tucked them into my pockets. The sky was so blue and I was in a good mood, so I chased my friend on the road.

Ten minutes later when I was going to wear them again, I suddenly realized that my pockets were empty. I felt greatly distressed.

Later, my friend was willing to retrace the route with me, and we found one glove along the road.

"Wow!" said my friend,” now you have only lost $25."

当我戴上了我的新皮手套时就开始同往常一样和朋友外出跑步。我告诉我的朋友，这副手套花了我50美元。当我觉得我的手在这新的暖融融的手套里出汗时，我把手套摘了下来，塞进了口袋里。天空是这么蓝，我的心情是那么好。所以，我在路上追着朋友。

十分钟后，当我再想戴手套时，却发现口袋里空了。我感到十分沮丧。

后来，我的朋友愿意和我一起原路返回，我们沿路找到了一只。

“哇!”我的朋友说: “现在你只丢了25美元。”

4 我当您的儿子/I'm your son

Shortly after our teen-age son started his first job at a family restaurant, we decided to surprise him by having dinner there one night. I was warned by other family members not to embarrass him by making it obvious I was his mother. Being an exuberant parent, I found this difficult but managed to act like other customers. I kept my head bent over the menu and politely accepted silverware and a glass of water---all without glancing up.

I realized I may have been a bit too successful in keeping my distance when my son stared pointedly at me and said, “Hello, my name is Andrew, and I'll be your son for this evening.”

我们十几岁的儿子在一个家庭餐馆开始了他的第一份工作不久，我们决定某个晚上到那个餐馆吃顿饭，给他个惊喜。家里的其他人告诫我不要显示出我是他的妈妈，以免让他感到难为情。作为一个生气勃勃的母亲，我发现要做到这点很难，但我还是装作像其他顾客一样。我一直低着头看菜单，很礼貌地接过餐具和一杯水，始终没抬眼看。

当我们的儿子紧盯着我说: “你好，我叫安德鲁，今晚我将是您的儿子。”时，我意识我可能距离保持得有点儿太成功了。

5 固执/Stubborn

As a real-estate broker, I once listed a house that had several rooms decorated in hot pink. I advised the seller to repaint, and was thrilled when he called to say he had done so. "You were right," he said. "It looks much better now."

Several days later I showed the house to prospective buyers. We found the interior all freshly painted—in the same shade of hot pink.

作为一个房地产商，一次我把一座有几间屋子被喷成艳粉色的房子加到了销售名单上。我向卖主建议把房子重喷一下，他回电话说他已经喷完了时我非常高兴，“你是对的，”他说。“现在房子看上去好多了。”

几天后，我带着几个可能的买主去看房子。我们发现里面全被粉刷一新，不过仍然是艳粉色。

6 帮倒忙/Alternative help

"I'll need to see your license and registration, "says the highway patrolman after stopping a middle-aged couple. "You were speeding.”

"But, officer," says the husband, "I was way under the speed limit.”

"Sir, you were doing 63 in a 55 Zone.”

"I was not speeding!" insists the man. "Your radar gun must be broken. "

At this point, the wife leans over. "It's no use arguing with him, officer," she says apologetically." He always gets this stubborn when he's been drinking."

“我需要看你的驾照和车证，”高速公路巡警在拦住了一对中年夫妇时说:“你们超速了。”

“但是，警官，”丈夫说，“我是在限速下的。”

“先生，你在限速55英里的地区开到了63英里。”

“我没有超速，”那个人坚持说:“你的雷达测速仪一定坏了。”

这时，他的老婆凑了上来:“跟他争论是没用的，警察先生，”她歉意地说道:“他每次喝完酒都这么固执。”