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周末一笑: 猴年快乐! (转载)

(2016-02-05 16:46:08) 下一个

1 有信仰的牛仔/Religious Cowboy

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a monkey walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the monkey's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the monkey. "Your name is written inside the cover."  

虔诚的牛仔在修补牧场的围栏时丢了他最喜欢的圣经。三个星期后,一只猴子用嘴叼着圣经走向他。牛仔简直不敢相信自己的眼睛。他把宝典从猴子的嘴里拿出来,抬起眼睛向着天,大声说道,“这是一个奇迹!” “不是真的,”猴子说。 “你的名字在封面内写着呢。”

2 电影/Movies

A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a monkey sitting next to him. "Are you a monkey?" asked the man, surprised. "Yes." "What are you doing at the movies?" The monkey replied, "Well, I liked the book."

在电影院的一个人注意到坐在他旁边的看起来像一只猴子。 “你是猴子?”那人惊讶地问。“是。”“你在电影院做什么?”猴子回答说:“嗯,我喜欢这本书。”

3 猴子和帽子/The Monkeys and the Hats

Once upon a time, there lived a poor hat seller in a small village in India. He earned his livelihood stitching hats and selling them in the neighboring villages. Once when going to another village through a forest, he fell asleep under a tree. When he woke up, he was surprised to find his basket empty and all the hats missing. Then he noticed a troop of monkeys sitting in the tree wearing his hats. He came up with a brilliant idea to retrieve his hats. He lifted the hat on his head and threw it to the ground. Out of their aping habits the monkeys followed suit. The hat seller then collected all the hats and triumphantly proceeded to the market.

As the years pass by, the hat seller has a grandson who too ends up being a hat seller. One day he has to pass through the same forest to sell hats in the village on the other side. As he is leaving, his grandpa tells him of the monkeys and how he outsmarted them and warns the grandson to be careful in the forest and remember his grandpa's trick if the monkeys cause any trouble.

So the grandson sets forth on his journey. While passing through the forest, he gets tired and falls asleep to wake up and find the basket empty and all the hats gone. Then he notices the monkeys on the tree wearing the hats. Smiling to himself he says, "Aha ! I know how to deal with this. I'll use my grandpa's trick ! So he hurls his hat to the ground expecting the monkeys to do the same. All this time, there is a young hatless monkey sitting in the tree. This monkey jumps down from the tree, quickly picks up the grandson's hat and puts it on his head. Then as he is scampering away, he says to the grandson sarcastically:






4 跨物种的营救/Cross-Species Rescue

A three-year-old boy fell eighteen feet into a zoo enclosure containing seven gorillas. He was immediately rescued, not by zookeepers, but by one of the animals. The 150 lb. female gorilla picked up the unconscious form of the boy and laid it at a door to be easily retrieved to by zookeepers. This cross-species rescue has resulted in thousands of dollars in donations to the zoo. It is perhaps because of these donations that zookeepers have kept quiet about one vital detail, a hastily scrawled note tucked in the boy's collar, "Thanks; but we prefer fruit."

5 猴子模仿者/The Monkey Mime

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. Unfortunately, as soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zookeeper grabs him and drags him into his office.

The zookeeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.

So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before crowd comes. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires.

He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it. At the end of the day the zoo-keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction.

Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion, he slips and falls. The mime is terrified. The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce.

The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind. Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help, Help me!" but the lion is quick and pounces.

The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and the lion says, "Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?"








6 乘公车/Bus Ride

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"

In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.

The man sympathized with her and said, "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."

"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."

"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."


一怒之下,该女子把她的车费摔到收费箱,坐在公交车后部一个靠过道的座位。她旁边坐着的人感觉到她很激动,问她发生了什么事。 “公交车司机侮辱了我,”她愤怒地说。


“你说得对,”她说。 “我想我回到他那里,告诉他我的想法。”

“这是个好主意,”那人说。 “来,让我抱着你的猴子。”



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阅读 ()评论 (14)
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '疏影笑寒' 的评论 :
疏影笑寒 回复 悄悄话 猴年读猴年的笑话,就是一个美哟!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 'erdong' 的评论 :
东东好! 祝东东阖家春节快乐,猴年大吉,万事如意!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '水沫' 的评论 :
水沫好! 我也喜欢这两个:)
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 'momo_sharon' 的评论 :
默默好! 祝默默阖家春节快乐,猴年大吉,万事如意!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '50后的姥姥' 的评论 :
问好美眉! 祝美眉阖家春节快乐,猴年大吉,万事如意!
erdong 回复 悄悄话 松松有心人!祝给大家带来快乐的松松猴年吉祥!
水沫 回复 悄悄话 松松编辑的猴年专辑超赞!3和5特别逗~~松松猴年吉祥如意~~
momo_sharon 回复 悄悄话 猴年说猴,有趣!松松新春快乐!
50后的姥姥 回复 悄悄话 松松用心良苦,猴年,聪明的猴子的周末一笑!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 'spot321' 的评论 :
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '小声音' 的评论 :
哈哈, 小小好! 你若能找到一只帮你干活的猴子请告我一声:)
祝小小阖家新年快乐! 万事如意!
spot321 回复 悄悄话 小小坐了沙发,我就来一只小凳子吧。小松真是用心良苦,用一段段小猴子的趣事来祝贺猴年的到来,谢谢来!祝周末愉快!并猴年大吉!
小声音 回复 悄悄话 哈哈,这一期都是有关猴子,猴子真聪明,我在考虑是不是也养一只帮我干活:))