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1 墓地惊魂
One dark night two guys were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery.
When they got to about the middle of the graveyard they were startled and stopped moving. There was this terrifying noise, “TAP-TAP-TAP” coming from the shadows.
Trembling with fear, they spotted an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
"Holy cow, Mister,” one of them said after catching his breath.
“You SCARED us half to death. We thought you were a GHOST! What are you doing working here so late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!!"
一个漆黑的夜晚，两个小伙子参加完聚会，决定抄近路穿过一片坟地走回家。
走到坟地的中间，从阴暗处传出来恐怖的“嗒、嗒、嗒”声音，吓得他们再也走不动了。
浑身颤抖着，他们发现有个老人正拿着榔头和凿子凿一块墓碑。
“噢，主啊，”其中一个屏住呼吸说，
“你吓死我们了，我们还以为你是鬼了。这么晚了你在这干什么呢？”
“这些傻瓜！”老人抱怨说，“他们拼错了我的名字！”
2 半个还是十分之五
Teacher: Would you rather have one half of an orange or five tenths?
Gerald: I'd much rather have the half.
Teacher: Think carefully, and tell me why.
Gerald: Because you lose too much juice when you cut the orange into five tenths.
老师：你愿意要半个柑橘，还是十分之五个柑橘？
杰拉得：我宁可要半个。
老师：仔细想想，说出理由来。
杰拉得：因为你如果把柑橘切成十分之五，那柑橘汁就损失太多了。
3 看情况
Traveler: Can I catch the three o'clock train to Toronto?
Ticket agent: That depends on how fast you can run. It left fifteen minutes ago.
旅行者：我还能赶上3点钟那班到多伦多的火车吗？
售票员：那得看你跑得有多快。火车15分钟前开出。
4 电子邮件
A man left for a vacation to Jamaica.
His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail message.
Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory.
Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: "Dearest wife, just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Your Loving Husband. P.S. Sure is hot down here."
有个人去牙买加度假，他的妻子正好出差，所以打算在他到之后的第二天去找他。
他到了宾馆，想要给妻子发封邮件，但是记着邮箱的纸找不到了，于是他凭着记忆把信发到了一个邮箱。很不幸，他漏掉了一个字母，因此他的信发到了一个老传教士的妻子的邮箱里，而传教士恰好在前一天去世了。
悲痛的老妇人察看邮箱，看着显示器屏幕她尖叫一声，随后就倒在地上死去了。
听到她的声音，家人赶忙跑进她的房间，只见这样一句话显示在屏幕上：“亲爱的，快来吧。为了你明天的到来，一切都准备好了。爱你的丈夫。
顺便说一句，这里可真够热的。”
5 同去
At midnight father saw that his married son leaving home... He asks him: what are you doing?
The son replied: Dad I am fed up with my life! My newly marriage is not going well, my wife and my mom keep fighting with each other! I have to pay bills for my in-laws, and I hate this life!!! I want to go far from here, I want to taste every joy of life, and I want to have every fun of life!!!
Father said: Wait!!!!!!!! I am coming with you.
午夜时分，父亲看到他结婚的儿子离家出走......他问他：你在做什么？
儿子回答：爸爸，我受够了我的生活！我的新婚不顺利，我的妻子和我的妈妈不断吵架！我必须支付我公婆的账单，我恨这种生活！我想去很远的地方，我想品尝生活的欢乐，我想拥有生活的乐趣！
父亲说：等一下!!!!!!!!我跟你一起去。
6 亲戚
A couple drove several miles down a country road with intense silence. Not a word was said to each other. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither wanted to concede his position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?” "Yep,” the husband replied, "in-laws ".
一对夫妇驱车数英里在乡村小路上却非常的沉默，没有一个字要对对方说。较早的讨论导致了争吵，他们谁也不想退让。当他们经过有骡子和猪的农场院落时，妻子讽刺地说，“你的亲戚？”
“是的，”丈夫回答说，“姻亲”。
谢谢冬日喜欢,问好!
水沫好! 最后一个是针尖对麦芒:) #2说的的确有道理:)
水沫, 新周快乐!
雪花好! 嗯, 有趣的抱怨:)
雪花, 周日快乐!
美眉好! 我也是非常喜欢那两个:)
美眉, 周日快乐!
是啊, 小婷, 他是个聪明的孩子:)
小婷, 新周快乐!
默默好! 第一个是够吓人的:)
默默, 周末快乐!
松松周末愉快！
点点好! 嗯, 婚姻中有快乐也有苦恼. 那个邮件成了夺命邮件了~
点点, 周末快乐!
谢谢东东来玩, 周末快乐!
哈哈, 橄榄树, 丈夫也是口齿伶俐啊:)
橄榄树, 周末快乐!