感恩的心...适应新生活

把儿子送到一个社区公寓的俱乐部的网球场，看见他欢天喜地地奔向刚认识的七八个同年龄的朋友，我真地从心里放下了一块石头！

从美西大迁移至美东，我最大的心病就是担心读高中一年的儿子的情绪，而他对于举家搬迁最大的抗拒就是他将是远离这些年和他喜乐与共的朋友们。儿子是个内向的孩子，还有点害羞，不容易很快交朋友，但是，一旦交了朋友，他的朋友对他和他对他的朋友都是“肝胆相照”！他可以随叫随到，不吃不喝地和朋友在一起，他的身边常常跟着几个特别要好的朋友。

刚搬过来时，儿子还没埋怨，老父先抱怨开了：“孤独 ! 太孤独了！”刚来的前一个多星期，因为我们房子在请工人小装修，装修工拖延了工程，加上我们从加州运过来的家具还在路上没到，我们住在先生之前住的公寓里，父母每天一早带着我们的小狗狗出去散步，几乎看不到东方人的面孔，门卫和前厅接待说话他们都听不懂，出去看到黑人就有些紧张 …… 一个陌生的环境，一个与加州完全不同的感受，连老人家都觉得孤独了。

所幸天气太热，儿子懒得出去转，整天躲在室内玩他的 X-Box, 加上临离开加州前他和一位女同学走得很近，两个人刚表白就分开了，所以来到新州之后整日沉溺在短信电话中，没有时间感到无所事事的孤独。

搬进了新家，一阵忙乱和兴奋之后，他开始提起明年夏天要回加州，三年以后要回加州读大学等等，我们任凭他说，不过，意识到他开始怀念加州的一切，“思乡”之情明显可见。带着他去学校选课和学术指导交流，他也是一句：“我要回加州读史丹福！”我们苦笑，学术指导却很高兴：“好啊！每年史丹福都会从我们学校录取一两名学生，我现在就以他们的标准来要求你！”结果学术指导让他选了两门 AP 课外加三门高年级的课和三门本年级的课，他眉头都不皱一下，我却为他担了一把心，他既要适应新的生活环境还有面对如此沉重的课业，问他：“儿子，你知道这八门课的份量吗？你能一下子适应吗？”他看看我说：“行！”我所能做的大概只能为他祷告 !

他开始读学校老师布置的暑假要读的书，他开始准备其它几门 SAT 2…… 除此之外，他便是整天在电话和在 Facebook 上和他加州的同学朋友聊天。先是我们手机电话的时间被他打爆，他爸爸赶紧让他用家里的没有时间限制的电话打，接着问题出现了，加州和新州有时差三个小时，我们规定他十一点半之前要睡觉，这里十一点半，加州刚晚上八点半，他若睡觉就意味着不能和加州的朋友多聊天了！几次三番交涉下来，我说服他爸爸在暑假期间让他到十二点才准备上床，他几乎天天超时，为了保证他的睡眠时间，我们早晨便由着他多睡一会儿，这样每天的十一点才看见他姗姗起床，我们要吃午饭了，他才吃早饭。虽知道这样不对，可又不忍剥夺他那仅有的乐趣！

我们也着急，不知道怎样改变这种状况。直到我们去了教会！

先生的一位几十年的老友介绍他去了新州的主恩堂，先生一直说与硅谷我们去的生命河灵粮堂无法相比，一个比较传统，一个完全创新。本身加州在各方面都比较前卫，猛然从一个前卫的地方倒回保守传统之地，确实很难适应。

我们一家第一次带着孩子去主恩堂是听一场布道会(见拙文：从破碎到自由……永恒的生命 )，我们大人深受感动，孩子坐在我们旁边因为听不懂连连抱怨枯燥。可是，当我们又一次带着孩子参加每周五晚上的小组聚会，两个孩子一下子认识了好多同年龄的孩子。尤其是儿子，认识了两个同学校的女同学还有很多其他学校的同年级的男女孩子们，他和我们都没想到在这里可以一下子见到这么多华裔孩子，他几乎一下子就把那种孤独感甩掉了！隔天的主日敬拜，两个孩子刚进教会的大门，就有前天认识的孩子叫着他们的名字，然后都不用我们操心，各自去到各自该去的教室。

接着，形势便是一片大好。周一儿子的 Facebook 上当地的孩子就陆续“敲门”进来了，有女生组织几个孩子一起看电影，叫他一起去。周二又有另一个女生说大家一起去打网球和游泳问他去不去，我即使对当地的地形仍很陌生，也积极要求开车送儿子参加这样的聚会。

以前去教会大都是大人灵修方面的需要，这次新州的教会给了我们如此大的一个惊喜，真是让我再次觉得冥冥之中，自有带领！回想这一两年来我们在搬家上的种种顾虑到顺其自然听凭带领，这一路走来我只能说：感谢上帝！祂的带领总是那么得及时！那样得奇妙！

[beautyinautumn]

回复weandwe的评论:When we purchased the house at Mountain lakes, we did noticed that YMCA, which is our family Gym for many years in CA. We are so happy that this one is so close to our home. However, after we move into the town, we are busy to excplore every road and every lake there. Everyday, morning and evening, we walk or jog in the woods and around the lake. So far we still find new road and new beauty in this small town and did not feel there's a need to go to the Gym yet. It's so good to live in the green with so many tall trees around. We may join YMCA later in the winter if needed. But now we are more than enough in terms of exercising just by jogging in town.:)

[beautyinautumn]

回复weandwe的评论:Thank you so much. I will look for Andy later for sure.

[weandwe]

My family also was the member of Mountainlake's Lakeland Hill Family YMCA. It is at 100 Fanny Road, Mountain Lakes, NJ 07046. It should be very close to you just off Boullevard and on the Fanny rd. It is also just off Route 287 and we used to drive there in less than 10 min from Montville. The price for a family is very reasonable. The gym is very upgraded and very spacious. My kids learned to swim there. I love its swimmng pool too.

[weandwe]

My hairdresser's name is Andy. He came from Hongkong and married a girl from Taiwan. They bought a house in Parsippany and have two nice kids. I watched his kids grow up. He has done my hair almost 10 years. He will take vacation to Taiwan from 08/23 to Labor day. He usually takes Monday off. You can try other hairdressers too because most of them are very nice and professional. There are two reasons I like this one: 1) very clean and comfortable;2) Most hairdressers are stable and professional. The store's number is 973-503-1355. Andy's mobile # is 973-271-7319.

[beautyinautumn]

回复weandwe的评论:
Thank you for so much information. The hair salon one is really helpful. I will try it soon.

I love the small town I am living in now. It's so beautiful and peaceful. A paradise at east coast. I am very happy to make this right choice!

[weandwe]

My kids went to that church every week when they were young. They were happy and made a lot of friends. Most importantly, they were not forced by anyone to go there. They were simply happier there with their friends there. The church provided a safe harbor for them. Both of my kids are not real Christian eventually when they grow up and make their own choices. But the church still taught them to revere God and be good people in the society.

[weandwe]

I haven't check your blog for a while. I am so glad that your family moved to one of the towns I had suggested before in Morris county. You made the best choice! Mountainlake is one of the best towns in NJ where you can enjoy the real traditional(old-money) American country life, but you are also so close to everything including NYC. I was a member of the church you mentioned at Parsippany when I lived in Montville. The towns(Mountainlake,Denville, Parsippany, Montville, Fairfield, etc) in that area along Route 46 are real soild Middle to Upper class American towns which are not easily be invaded because no bad towns there. A few good towns in Essex county, including Millburn, shorthill, livingston, are all surrounded by the bad towns. They can be invaded so fast.


For grocery shopping, there is a very good farm market on route 46 east side after you pass willowbrook mall (at the same site of saturn car dealer and IHOP, the store hides inside of the court). I used to shop there everyweek. The fruit and vegetable are much cheaper and fresher than most Chinese supermarkets.

A Chinese supermarket on Route 10 in East Hanover is much better than the ones on Route 46. At least it is cleaner. I also like the hair sallon close to this supermarket at the same shopping center. I still get my hair done there because the staff working there are very stable and professional. Most of them have been there more than 10 years and lived closeby. After I found this one, I never worry about my hair any more. The chinese buffett "Royal Buffett" at the same center is our favorite too. My boyfriend loves this one!

[毛虫儿]

先谢谢你的热心，儿子才7.5 个月，他大点我就带他去你说的那个地方，到时在找你介绍一下。

[BeautyinAutumn]

回复毛虫儿的评论:
毛虫儿：试试看，带你的孩子去教会吧！人们都说去教会的孩子不会学坏。当然这是泛指，但是绝大多数定期去教会的孩子因为时常的“耳提命训”，无形中有一种正面的影响力带领他们。即使你们家长开始只是为了孩子，教会里的兄弟姐妹也不会太在意，一定会欢迎你们的。我去的生命河灵粮堂有很好的青少年小组和活动。我在湾区时参加的小组也有很好的组长带领，你若感兴趣，告诉我，我可以介绍他们给你们一家。

[毛虫儿]

我看他交了新朋友后很快就会忘了加州，不过希望他记得自己的誓言，考回史丹福。我和先生都不去教堂，我们只是喜欢圣经里的某些东西和佛教里的某些，我看以后儿子交朋友就困难些，但我不能为儿子交朋友而违心的去教堂，我知道很多人去教堂并非很虔诚的，但我不想这样做。