Charlotte: I just don't know what I'm supposed to be.
Bob: You'll figure that out. The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you.
Charlotte: I tried taking pictures, but they were so mediocre. I guess every girl goes through a photography phase. You know, horses... taking pictures of your feet.
Stills Photographer: Are you drinking, no?
Bob: Am I drinking? As soon as I'm done.
Charlotte: You're probably just having a mid-life crisis. Did you buy a Porsche yet?
Bob: I don't get that close to the glass until I'm on the floor.
[at a photo shoot]
Bob: You want more mysterious? I'll just try and think, "Where the hell's the whiskey?"
John: Why do you have to point out how stupid everyone is all the time?
Lydia Harris: [over the phone] Is this a bad time?
Bob: [pauses] No, it's always a good time.
Lydia Harris: The burgundy carpet is out of stock: it's going to take twelve weeks. Did you like any of the other colors?
Bob: Whatever you like - I'm just completely lost.
Lydia Harris: It's just carpet.
Bob: That's not what I'm talking about.
Lydia Harris: What are you talking about?
Bob: I don't know. I just want to... get healthy. I would like to start taking better care of myself. I'd like to start eating healthier - I don't want all that pasta. I would like to start eating like Japanese food.
Lydia Harris: [icily] Well, why don't you just stay there and you can have it every day?
Bob: [biting his tongue] How are the kids doing?
Lydia Harris: They're fine. They miss their father.
Lydia Harris: Do I need to worry about you, Bob?
Bob: Only if you want to.
Bob: You're not hopeless.
Bob: I was feeling tight in the shoulders and neck, so I called down and had a Shiatsu massage in my room...
Charlotte: Mmh, that's nice!
Bob: And the tightness has completely disappeared and been replaced by unbelievable pain.
Bob: It gets a whole lot more complicated when you have kids.
Charlotte: It's scary.
Bob: The most terrifying day of your life is the day the first one is born.
Charlotte: Nobody ever tells you that.
Bob: Your life, as you know it... is gone. Never to return. But they learn how to walk, and they learn how to talk... and you want to be with them. And they turn out to be the most delightful people you will ever meet in your life.
Charlotte: That's nice.
Bob: Enjoy your fright.
Bob: Enjoy my jacket, which you stole from me.
Charlotte: So, what are you doing here?
Bob: Uh, a couple of things. Taking a break from my wife, forgetting my son's birthday. And, uh, getting paid two million dollars to endorse a whiskey when I could be doing a play somewhere.
Bob: But the good news is, the whiskey works.
Charlotte: Let's never come here again because it will never be as much fun.
Charlotte: 25 years. That's uh, well it's impressive.
Bob: Well you figure, you sleep one-third of your life, that knocks out eight years of marriage right there. So you're, y'know, down to 16 in change. You know you're just a teenager, at marriage, you can drive it but there's still the occasional accident.
Charlotte: [after Bob tells her of his back pain] I'm in pain, I got my foot banged up. Wanna see it?
Bob: [to Chef, sarcastically] How do you say no?
[sees the foot]
Bob: Oh, my gosh! When did you do this?
Charlotte: I did it the other day, it hurts, y'know?
Bob: Didn't you feel any pain?
Charlotte: Yeah, it really hurt.
Bob: That toe is almost dead.
Bob: I think I got to take you to a doctor, you can't just put that back in the shoe. Well, you either go to a doctor or you leave it here.
Bob: He's smiling. You like that idea? See they love black toe in this country.
[Charlotte continues laughing]
Director: [in Japanese] Mr. Bob-san, you are relaxing in your study. On the table is a bottle of Suntory whiskey. Got it? Look slowly, with feeling, at the camera, and say it gently - say it as if you were speaking to an old friend. Just like Bogie in Casablanca, "Here's looking at you, kid" - Suntory time.
Translator: Umm. He want you to turn, looking at camera. OK?
Bob: That's all he said?
Translator: Yes. Turn to camera.
Bob: All right. Does he want me to turn from the right, or turn from the left?
Translator: [to director, in Japanese] Uh, umm. He's ready now. He just wants to know if he's supposed to turn from the left or turn from the right when the camera rolls. What should I tell him?
Director: [in Japanese] What difference does it make! Makes no difference! Don't have time for that! Got it, Bob-san? Just psych yourself up, and quick! Look straight at the camera. At the camera. And slowly. With passion. Straight at the camera. And in your eyes there's... passion. Got it?
Translator: [to Bob] Right side. And with intensity. OK?
Bob: Is that everything? It seemed like he said quite a bit more than that.
Director: [to Bob, in Japanese] Listen, listen. This isn't just about whiskey. Understand? Imagine you're talking to an old friend. Gently. The emotions bubble up from the bottom of your heart. And don't forget, psych yourself up!
Translator: Like an old friend. And, into the camera.
Director: [in Japanese] Got it? You *love* whiskey. It's *Suntory* time. OK?
Director: [to crew] OK!