寻求灵魂伴侣的36问

亚瑟·阿伦36问（Arthur Arons 36 Questions）出自社会心理学家 Arthur Aron 于1997年发表的一项著名实验《The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness》，目的是通过有意设计的问题，让陌生人之间在短时间内建立情感连接。

阿伦团队发现，相互脆弱性（mutual vulnerability）能迅速拉近关系。当两个人轮流回答36个逐渐深入的问题时，大脑会释放催产素和多巴胺，从而产生“亲密感”与信任感。

问题分为三组，每组逐渐加深情感交流。

第一组：轻松、自我揭露

1. 如果可以和任何人共进晚餐，你会选择谁？
   　If you could have dinner with anyone in the world, who would it be?

2. 你想出名吗？为什么？
   　Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. 在打电话前，你会先排练要说的话吗？为什么？
   　Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why?

4. 对你而言，“完美的一天”是什么样的？
   　What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. 上次唱歌给别人听是什么时候？给自己唱呢？
   　When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. 如果你能活到90岁，并在生命的最后25年保持30岁的心智或身体，你选哪个？
   　If you could live to 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years, which would you choose?

7. 你是否暗自预感自己会怎样死去？
   　Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. 说出三件你和对方可能共有的事。
   　Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. 人生中最感激的是什么？
   　For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. 如果可以重来，你想改变成长经历的哪一部分？
    　If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. 用四分钟尽可能详细地讲述你的人生故事。
    　Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. 如果明天醒来能获得任何一种品质或能力，你希望是什么？
    　If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

第二组：信任与脆弱

1. 如果有一颗水晶球能告诉你未来的真相，你想知道什么？
   　If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, or the future, what would you want to know?

2. 有什么事情是你一直梦想去做却没做的？为什么？
   　Is there something you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

3. 你人生中最大的成就是什么？
   　What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

4. 友谊中你最珍视的是什么？
   　What do you value most in a friendship?

5. 你最珍贵的记忆是什么？
   　What is your most treasured memory?

6. 你最痛苦的记忆是什么？
   　What is your most terrible memory?

7. 如果知道一年后会突然死去，你会改变现在的生活方式吗？为什么？
   　If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

8. 友谊对你意味着什么？
   　What does friendship mean to you?

9. 爱与感情在你生活中扮演什么角色？
   　What roles do love and affection play in your life?

10. 轮流说出对方的一个积极特质，共说五项。
    　Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner.

11. 你的家庭关系亲密吗？你觉得你的童年比大多数人快乐吗？
    　How close and warm is your family? Did you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

12. 你如何看待母亲？
    　How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

第三组：深层联结与共鸣

1. 各自说出一句以“我们”为主语的真相，例如：“我们都在这个房间里感到……”
   　Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling…”

2. 完成这个句子：“我希望有一个人，我可以与他分享……”
   　Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”

3. 如果你将与对方成为亲密朋友，请分享让对方更了解你的重要内容。
   　If you were going to become close friends with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

4. 告诉对方你喜欢他们什么——此时要非常诚实，说出你通常不会对刚认识的人说的话。
   　Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest.

5. 分享你人生中一次令人尴尬的时刻。
   　Share an embarrassing moment in your life.

6. 上次在别人面前哭是什么时候？独自哭呢？
   　When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

7. 告诉对方你现在已经喜欢他们的哪一点。
   　Tell your partner something you already like about them.

8. 有什么（如果有的话）太严肃而不能开玩笑？
   　What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

9. 如果今晚就要死去而没有机会与任何人沟通，你最遗憾没告诉谁什么？为什么还没说？
   　If you were to die this evening with no chance to communicate, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

10. 你的房子起火了，救出家人和宠物后，你还能救一件东西，那会是什么？
    　Your house catches fire. After saving loved ones and pets, you have time to make one last dash to save any one item. What would it be?

11. 你家人中谁的死亡会让你最痛苦？为什么？
    　Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

12. 分享一个个人问题，请对方提出看法，然后请他们告诉你，在他们看来你对这个问题的感受是什么。
    　Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how they might handle it; also, ask them to reflect back how you seem to be feeling about it.