南山松

阳光明媚清风起，微波荡漾碧蓝天。

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周末一笑: 猴年快乐! (转载)

(2016-02-05 16:46:08) 下一个

1 有信仰的牛仔/Religious Cowboy

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a monkey walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the monkey's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the monkey. "Your name is written inside the cover."

虔诚的牛仔在修补牧场的围栏时丢了他最喜欢的圣经。三个星期后，一只猴子用嘴叼着圣经走向他。牛仔简直不敢相信自己的眼睛。他把宝典从猴子的嘴里拿出来，抬起眼睛向着天，大声说道，“这是一个奇迹！” “不是真的，”猴子说。 “你的名字在封面内写着呢。”

2 电影/Movies

A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a monkey sitting next to him. "Are you a monkey?" asked the man, surprised. "Yes." "What are you doing at the movies?" The monkey replied, "Well, I liked the book."

在电影院的一个人注意到坐在他旁边的看起来像一只猴子。 “你是猴子？”那人惊讶地问。“是。”“你在电影院做什么？”猴子回答说：“嗯，我喜欢这本书。”

3 猴子和帽子/The Monkeys and the Hats

Once upon a time, there lived a poor hat seller in a small village in India. He earned his livelihood stitching hats and selling them in the neighboring villages. Once when going to another village through a forest, he fell asleep under a tree. When he woke up, he was surprised to find his basket empty and all the hats missing. Then he noticed a troop of monkeys sitting in the tree wearing his hats. He came up with a brilliant idea to retrieve his hats. He lifted the hat on his head and threw it to the ground. Out of their aping habits the monkeys followed suit. The hat seller then collected all the hats and triumphantly proceeded to the market.

As the years pass by, the hat seller has a grandson who too ends up being a hat seller. One day he has to pass through the same forest to sell hats in the village on the other side. As he is leaving, his grandpa tells him of the monkeys and how he outsmarted them and warns the grandson to be careful in the forest and remember his grandpa's trick if the monkeys cause any trouble.

So the grandson sets forth on his journey. While passing through the forest, he gets tired and falls asleep to wake up and find the basket empty and all the hats gone. Then he notices the monkeys on the tree wearing the hats. Smiling to himself he says, "Aha ! I know how to deal with this. I'll use my grandpa's trick ! So he hurls his hat to the ground expecting the monkeys to do the same. All this time, there is a young hatless monkey sitting in the tree. This monkey jumps down from the tree, quickly picks up the grandson's hat and puts it on his head. Then as he is scampering away, he says to the grandson sarcastically:

"HA! HA! DID YOU THINK ONLY HUMANS HAVE A GRANDPA!?"

从前有在印度的一个小村庄里住着一个贫穷的卖帽子的人。他靠缝制帽子和在邻村出售帽子过活。一次他去另一个村子穿过一片森林时，他在树下睡着了。当他醒来时，他惊讶地发现他的篮子空了，所有的帽子都不见了。然后，他发现一群猴子戴着他的帽子坐在树上。他想出了一个绝妙的主意来拿回他的帽子。他举起了头上的帽子扔在地上。由于猿猴的特性猴子们纷纷效仿。然后这个卖帽子的人就收起了所有的帽子，并得意洋洋地向集市走去。

许多年过去后，卖帽子的人有了一个孙子，他也最终成了卖帽子的。有一天，他必须穿过同一个树林中到村子的另一边卖帽子。当他离开时，他的爷爷告诉他那些猴子，他是如何智胜他们的，并警告孙子在森林里要小心，如果猴子制造任何麻烦要记住爷爷用的办法。

于是孙子开始了他的旅程。当他穿过森林时，他感到疲倦就睡着了，醒来时发现篮子空了，所有的帽子都没了。然后，他注意到在树上戴帽子的猴子。他独自微笑，说：“啊哈！我知道如何处理这个问题。我会用我的爷爷的把戏！于是他用力把他的帽子扔在地上，期待猴子也这样做。这段时间里，有一个年轻的没戴帽子的猴子坐在树上。这只猴子从树上跳下来，连忙拿起孙子的帽子并把它放在他的头上，然后当他跑开时，他对孙子讥讽地说：

“哈！哈！你以为只有人类才有爷爷！？”

4 跨物种的营救/Cross-Species Rescue

A three-year-old boy fell eighteen feet into a zoo enclosure containing seven gorillas. He was immediately rescued, not by zookeepers, but by one of the animals. The 150 lb. female gorilla picked up the unconscious form of the boy and laid it at a door to be easily retrieved to by zookeepers. This cross-species rescue has resulted in thousands of dollars in donations to the zoo. It is perhaps because of these donations that zookeepers have kept quiet about one vital detail, a hastily scrawled note tucked in the boy's collar, "Thanks; but we prefer fruit."
一个三岁的男孩从18英尺高的关有7只大猩猩的动物园的围栏上掉了下来。他立即被救出，但不是被动物园管理员救出的，而是由动物中的一个救下的。一只150磅的雌性大猩猩抱起无意识的男孩并把他放在门边可让动物园管理员轻松地得到。这种跨物种的抢救造成了数千美元的捐款至动物园。这些捐款也许是因为饲养员对一个重要的细节一直保持安静，一个匆忙潦草的条子夹在男孩的衣领“谢谢，但我们更喜欢水果。”

5 猴子模仿者/The Monkey Mime

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. Unfortunately, as soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zookeeper grabs him and drags him into his office.

The zookeeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.

So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before crowd comes. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires.

He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it. At the end of the day the zoo-keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction.

Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion, he slips and falls. The mime is terrified. The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce.

The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind. Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help, Help me!" but the lion is quick and pounces.

The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and the lion says, "Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?"

一天，一个失去工作的模仿者参观动物园，并尝试作为街头艺人挣些钱。不幸的是，他刚开始吸引观众，一个饲养员抓住了他，把他拽进他的办公室。

该动物园管理员向模仿者解释说动物园里最受欢迎的景点的大猩猩突然死了，饲养员担心来动物园的人将会大幅度减少。他给模仿者提供装扮成大猩猩的工作，直到他们可以得到另一只大猩猩。这个模仿者接受了。

于是，第二天早上模仿者穿上大猩猩的衣服在人群到来之前走进笼子。他发现这是一个非常好的工作。他可以在他想要的时候睡觉，戏耍和捉弄人，他吸引了比以往他作为一个模仿者时更大的人群。不过，最终人们厌倦了他，他也厌倦了坐在轮胎上摆动。

他开始注意到人们更关注在他旁边的狮子笼子。不想失去观众的注意，他爬到笼子的顶部，跨过分区，悬在狮子笼的顶部。当然，这使得狮子大怒，但观众喜欢。在一天结束时，动物园饲养员来了，给模仿者这么吸引人的表演加了薪水。

于是，这样表演了一段时间后，模仿者不断嘲笑狮子，熙熙攘攘的人群越来越大，而他的工资不断上升。然后，一个可怕的一天当他在愤怒的狮子上晃来晃去时，他滑倒了摔了下来。模仿者吓坏了。狮子集结力量并准备猛扑。

这个模仿者是如此害怕，他在笼子里一圈圈地跑，狮子紧随其后。最后，模仿者开始尖叫，“救命，救救我！”但狮子很快扑向他。

这个模仿者很快发现自己背躺在地上仰视着愤怒的狮子，狮子说：“闭嘴，你这个白痴！你想要我们两个都被解雇吗？”

6 乘公车/Bus Ride

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"

In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.

The man sympathized with her and said, "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."

"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."

"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."

一个抱着一个婴儿的妇女上了一辆公共汽车。该公交车司机说，“这是我见过的最丑的孩子！”

一怒之下，该女子把她的车费摔到收费箱，坐在公交车后部一个靠过道的座位。她旁边坐着的人感觉到她很激动，问她发生了什么事。 “公交车司机侮辱了我，”她愤怒地说。

该名男子同情她，说：“为什么，他是一个公务员，不应该说事来侮辱乘客。”

“你说得对，”她说。 “我想我回到他那里，告诉他我的想法。”

“这是个好主意，”那人说。 “来，让我抱着你的猴子。”

祝大家猴年快乐!