“I feel I am falling in love with you.” 虽然很喜欢剧中从大都市独自一人来到偏远小镇打工的女护士Mel, 一直盼着男主Jack能够对Mel说出这句话,但这之前Jack相处了两年的女友Charmaine刚刚告诉他已经有了他的孩子,Jack仍旧为了心中的那份feeling, 毅然决然地向Mel表白,还是让人不免有点为Mel担忧。
年青的时候我们可能都有过那种“坠入爱河(falling in love)”的感觉,那种“falling”, 让你脸红心跳,让你急不可耐,让你为了他/她可以放弃一切,包括父母,亲人,甚至生命。但对不起,作者想告诉你的是,那不是爱情(Love),是情欲(Lust)。爱情是激情过后两个人慢慢的解读,慢慢的发现。爱情需要时间不停地一点点建立。
Yes, you can meet someone and have that lightning in a bottle feeling (note: That chemistry doesn't always come from a healthy place). You can be swept away, by someone's mind, body, passion for life, knowledge, wisdom, humor, and the way they make you feel. You can see someone walk though a door and lose your words. But love is not about losing your words or being swept away. That's connection, chemistry, the strong glue that's produced by two attracted beings. And that collision gives you the feeling of falling. It's magical. You got dopaminepumping, tingles in your body, can't stop thinking about the person, and you feel like you're falling backwards with your eyes closed and smile you haven't felt in a long time. But that is not love.
I'm sorry.
Because you don't fall in love. You fall in lust. You fall in infatuation. You fall in amazing chemistry and connection. You fall in hot sex. But you don't fall in love.
Love is discovered.
There are many many parts to us. We are complicated beings. We don't always make sense. We have feelings. Thoughts. Phases. We are confusing. Unpredictable. And of course, we hide. Becasue we are afraid. It's impossible to really know someone in a week or over a weekend. This is why you can't fall in love with someone on a reality show. Love is discovered and that shit takes time. There are layers to be peeled. And trust must be formed for someone to truly show themselves and we can all agree that trust is earned and takes time, correct?
Love is discovered as you get to know all the different parts of someone. The good, the bad, the ugly, the real. This is why long distance relationships that are open ended rarely work. It's just a long honeymoon. You don't get to peel layers because everyone's on their best behavior when they see each other.
Love is about the day to day, not the magical weekend. That's the highlight reel, the movie trailer, the commercial you are mistaking for falling in love.
And I'm writing this article because people think when that fantasy feeling fades, they are no longer in love. The truth is when the fantasy feeling fades, that's just the beginning. That's when you start to see other sides to them and the relationship. But it doesn't mean it's not magically anymore. Magic comes in different forms. You start to discover other things about that person. Some you love. And maybe some things that challenge you. But it's all part of the discoverying parts process. As you peel layers and see more and more sides of someone, and these sides appear as you experience the person in different situations, settings, and spaces, in all different moods, around different people, going through different challenges, etc., you get to really know them. You see the whole instead of the movie poster.
Now, discovery is on going. It never stops. Because people are always changing and growing and evolving. But once you've discovered enough to make a decision to love someone,