It was a tough time before product release. Bugs                                                          
(software code defects) planted long ago,                                                                 
unintentionally of course, suddenly sprang up. I                                                          
got my share but couldn't fix one of them. It was
later resolved by a more experienced engineer. The
technical details were interesting but I wanted to                                                        
focus on the emotional side. I felt defeated for a                                                        
moment. The only worse thing could have been that                                                         
my code caused the problem.                                                                               
   
Management seemed to have the right attitude. My
boss also worked his ass off trying to help. He                                                           
focused on the problems and did not simply push
the engineer(although toward the end, he started                                                          
to lose his cool a bit). This gave him credit but at                                                        
the same time put more pressure on me.                                                                        

For a software engineer or worse, an idealistic
one, it is very easy to identify with one's work
and take it too seriously. Often added on top are
the worries about job security. And then there are                                                        
the Chinese men's senses of honor and family                                                              
responsibility. What do we do when the going gets
tough? We bite the bullet, neglect health, and 
work long hours. This is often the reality of a
programmer's life.  
                                                                                                          
During the past week, I sometimes felt I was in                                                           
trouble. I was in much bigger troubles before and
was prepared for worse things. But in the moment,
I could lose the big picture and, for a brief
while, negative thoughts could creep in and take                                                          
hold, e.g., this gig could be over, my career
ended in failure, and this would bring miseries to                                                        
the lives of loved ones...                                                                                
            
Philosophy is easier to understand and profess                                                            
than to apply. I think inbetween lies the concept
of "practice" or XiuXing(修行）in Chinese, something                                                            
we'd better do, everyday.

It was only by keeping reminding myself of the 
wisdoms I've been gathering was I able to get                                                             
through the perceived hell unscathed. I learnt a                                                          
few things, both technical and spiritual, and from                                                        
hindsight I could've done better. But I didn't
blame myself--I had the right to be wrong. I felt
even a little proud that I didn't take it out on                                                          
my family for what happened at work.                                                                      

Thank You!