The euphoria brought by exercising over the
weekend stayed with me as I stepped out of the
dojo at 8:40pm, Monday November 13, 2017. It was
raining. I had to drive 50 min through the Santa
Cruz mountains to get home.

As I zigzagged uphill in the dark, caution was
whittled away and pluck came back. The golden
pavement markers flashed brightly and made it easy
to see lanes. What to be afraid of? I started to
speed up and pass.

Things changed downhill. The road was slippery and
the car skidded a couple of times. I took my foot
off the gas pedal as I regained control and
thought the descending would be soon over. The
deadly gravity alone accelerated the car and it
started to sway from side to side. I didn't want
to press the brake too hard in case it would turn
sharply. Suddenly the side of the car hit the
concrete divider and I was slammed to the left
against the door. Bang! The side air bags blew and
hit my head and I thought it was over.

Looking back, I don't think I panicked that flash
moment. It was too fast to think of anything else
either. I was in nonchalance. It was a miracle
that the car didn't roll over or went off the
cliff on the other side. The collision slowed it
down and stablized it. It took me 5 secs to
realize what happened. Even with the deployed
airbag curtains blocking my view to the left side,
I found I could keep on driving. Still in shock, I
couldn't trust my senses. I felt the left side of
my head and tasted the moisture half a dozen
times: cold sweat. The car felt normal and I drove
all the way home.

I could have slowed down earlier. What was the
hurry? I had made much progress in a few things
with the idea of practicing instead of
goal-obsessing, e.g., not chasing speed or
distance in running, poundage in lifting,
popularity in writing, or belt-levels in
Jiu-Jitsu. Why did I only try to beat the clock
when I drive? Even this near-death experience
wouldn't transform me into a bodhisattva and stop
me from running after ephemeral pleasures in the
mind. So, let me make and stick to this rule:
downhill, follow the car in the right lane or
drive slower than the allowed speed.

Tim in pajamas opened the door for me. He couldn't
go to sleep without me in the house after watching
the Alien movie earlier this year. Had I died,
would he be able to act anti-fragile and conquer
that fear? Would what killed me make him stronger?
I write in the hope that he learn from this story.