自言自语(3)
文章来源: Sideperspective2009-02-15 21:32:36
The Bible tells us that God looks at the heart of the giver. A happy and willing giver will be blessed but a grudging one will not.

I know the principle inside out. But my monthly giving is still more of a habit than an action of heart. I felt a sense of spiritual dryness and depletion a while back. I am doing the “right” things all the years; I even took on something theological to deepen my understanding of Him with an attempt to grow my faith further. But something was still lacking. I fell into the temptation of the worldly wanting and yearnings so easily. Of course no one saw what was going on within me. Outwardly, I looked as God-loving and church-involved as one can be. But I knew that something was amiss and it was a feeling I did not want to have. I had not had true conversations with God for a long time! I did my daily prayers for sure but it was more of a half-minded routine than a heart-to-heart conversation.

I know something must be done and be done fast. I started to set aside a special time with God everyday, without any distraction. It is the time right after I drop off the kids at school. I stay in my car and just chat with God about all the things on my mind. Honest and straightforward chats with nothing held back from Him. Complaints, angers, praises, thanks, confusions, bewilderments. It is so relieving to bare your soul with someone who loves you so unconditionally, with no harsh remarks of judgment or whatsoever.

I also make conscientious efforts to ask God to accept my humble giving, being it monetary or servitude. What a humbling experience it has been. Ever since, God has doubly blessed me in every single way I know of. It is an indescribably amazing experience. God in His unique way has taught me again how truthful and faithful He is towards even a little one like me!

Lord, praises and glories to you!

Purify my heart further before you!