書架上有一張我沒結婚前的家的一張全家福的黑白照片,邊緣已蒼黃。大約是一九六二年拍的,那年“困難時期”殺青,我哥上了初中。五個人的造型擺得不錯。我坐正中,我爸我媽坐我的兩邊。他們在我小屁股下好像墊了點啥。五個人的眼睛都特別乾净:不想大富大貴,只想日子慢慢成長。尤其是我,戴個我媽親手打的紅色毛綫兔子帽。萌。
三十七年前的聖誕,我爸率先離世,活了七十七;然後是我哥,他以精神病人的身份在社會主義裏活了三十八年后于二0一三年去世,活了六十三;再然後是我媽,她二0一八年在老年療養院住了五年后駕鶴西去,活了九十五。我媽特別想活到今年(打破她的和斯大林同年出生的外婆創造的我家母系的命長記錄)。
五口之家到現在只剩下兩口。
我二十多年前有過一次心梗,平日對命粗心的我,有了一次細心,我忍著劇痛走了上樓去進了診所。自己救了自己。我還記得大夫在我緩過來后問我:what are you doing?
我答:I am debugging;
大夫幽默:my god,bug is in your heart。你需要放第一個死彈(STANS)。當年好像還叫“不熱騰騰”(burett?):這玩意叫支架?漲了長得像苦瓜。
![心臟支架英文心臟支架植入,heart – Liudong](data:image/jpeg;base64,/9j/4AAQSkZJRgABAQAAAQABAAD/2wCEAAoHCBYVFBgVFRUYGBgaGhgcGBgYGRoaGRoaGhgcHBkaGBocIS4lHB4rHxwYJjgmKy8xNTU1GiQ7QDs0Py40NTEBDAwMEA8QHxISHjQsJCs0NDQ0NDQ0NDQ0NDE0MTQ0NDQ0NDQ0NDQ0NDQ0NDQ0NDQ0NDQ0NDQ0NDQ0NDQ0PzQ0P//AABEIALIBGwMBIgACEQEDEQH/xAAcAAACAwEBAQEAAAAAAAAAAAAABQQGBwIDAQj/xABKEAACAQICBQcIBQoFAwUAAAABAgADEQQhBQYSMUEiUWFxgZGyEzI0cnOhscEzUmKD0QcjJEKCk6LS4fAUU2OSwhWz8RZDo8Pi/8QAGQEAAgMBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAQBAgMF/8QAKREAAgIBAwMEAgIDAAAAAAAAAAECEQMEITESIjJBUWFxI4ETM6HB8P/aAAwDAQACEQMRAD8A2afLz4d08HfdaQ3RKVki84drSIXPE26pxVxAGZN5VyJUWSlq33CeymQcNU2jzScBLJ2ElR1CEJJUIQkHHY9aRUMHYsTsqiM7GwuclG6AE6EUjTS/5OJ/cVPwnFTTyKCxpYgAZkmg+7ugA4hK+utlA7lrfuan4T62tNEZla9vY1P5ZFot0S9h/CVl9dcMu/yo+5qfhOP/AF3hPrVP3VT+WR1In+OXsWifYkw2sdKoodErup3FaLkZG3NzyRhtLI7BNiqrEEjbpugOzvsSJKZSqGkIobTSBmUJWbZYqSlJ2XaU2IBAsf6T6dNr/k4n9xU/CSA1hEFbWiijbLJXBtexoVN3d1zpdaKJ3JXPVQqfyyLRbpfND2Er1TW3Dr5wrDro1P5Z4NrxhBvNT91U/lkdSBQm+EWiErOH10wzsqIarM19lRSe5sLm2XMCeyMP+tL/AJOI/cVPwkp2Q4tcjeETnTtPZVgtRtouAq03L3QgPdbXFridf9aX/JxP7ip+EkgawiavrBTRSzU8QFG8mi+XukddbKB3LX/cVP5ZFolRb4LDCIjrPRAuUrj7ip/LIz664Yb/ACv7mp+ELRKhJ+hZoSrf+u8J9ap+6qfyydh9YabqHSnXZWzDLRcg9toWglCUeUPIRZhdKq7hNmojEFgHpslwDnYkdMZySpw26QA8nscopd7A/wB8ZSTLwVn0IXzvafBQAOZvPSm1kEhYjE2lG1VmqTbJQYLmOEZUKgYXEra4wNxAPNcSbo3GgAjNua0IyRE4OrHkCZAGJc8APfPRHJ3/ANJraZk4tEsGLMd6Rh/vfCsZLFuN9Iofe+FZJUZ2njiaYZGU7ipHeLT3nLSHwBnOGGQ7j2ZGQdJa00ad1RTUYZE32UHRtbz2SBrfjGp7VNLjbqVFJHBFc3F+BNwOq8odVy2/dwHCLcOjtJdSRY8TrDtm5SmL9JnimNvvGXODeK2wgNFGG/yjoeqysPn3wTDume7o4SJKi0JOjXvyaYvapVKd77LBl9Vx/MDLPivSKHVU8ImbfktxJXFOg82pTJt9pCCPczTScV6RQ6qnhEYxvtOVqY1kZ80H5tX29bxmMjFug/Nq+3reMxmZcwKjrbTtUpvzqynsII+Ji1tI08Om3Ue19yjMnqEd64Jyabczkd6N+ExbTGkXquzk5m4UbtlRkAPjMJbSOlg7sSRZdL63q5slJQOBds+4ZCJG0vt8E6gZXUS5vvtn05GMMXo3844UZB2t1cJRqxiNxdIe6M0hs1abi4ZHRrcSt7MOm6kzdl3T83UqbbJU3v8Aqnj1fCfoDVzE+VwtBzvalTJ6ygv77zTD6oU1qupCzR4/P0/XxnjSWe0rOjvp6fr4zxpLPNhAgaWo7VGott6nvGY99pR8IwyYmwyJPMLXmh1BcETFdasa6KtIZA32iOYEi1+yY5eUx7SO00O9K64UkBVENQj9YkKvfvPZKnidZdsnk01vzMfnK3Xuxzz6OE6p4UmZvccjCuB4mOvmRlzg3E1P8m2L2sKyXv5Oo4HqtZ18RHZMYTCuhuL24jgRNG/JPX2atelwZUdewlT7iJOPaRlq+7H9F+xHpdL2dT4rGsVYj0ul7Op8VjWMnKF+JrMvP7ordjsH++JjHF0jYm+yADnvO73ROjkr2bphNuxnElRMp1boOoRZj3OySOGc9ExQRG2gRa+Xwnhh6nlgpXINcnoF90pJ2qNoqrZ1o/BbfKbzd+fGTK+JCDZQWnnUDpdUOW8A55c0T4l3fhe1ibDdzXEjxRZJydvgb0K5J5b7PRn3x5hqZA84MPfKmlcKFdlDC9s7++WXRFfbXJQo6D8rzTG7ZjmjQ0WLsd6Rh/vfCsZRdjvSMP8Ae+FZuKDIT40+wMAMo1lp3rstgbvX39JUzP8Aydsjwy7spo+nfSb/AOrV+KSnaaw1qzhRltE94BMUb7mjt4Zdqv2OadO1Kjfc1V/cij5RjpOmLCw4SPj0K0cKP2rdLs3ytHlDDbbICOk9Qlsy6a+jPFO038sk6l4FaWIotazklWzO5qZNrdgmh4r0ih1VPCJTtG+mUvaf/U0uOK9IodVTwiXwO4iOq8/0c6D3Vfb1vG0aGK9B+bV9vW8ZjSbCwj1nW9JfXX5zFtNU/MIH6pvzndvm1ayn82nrr8DMf0nmE9U/KL5eTpaPxEmGS4sN5yHWch8ZcsHhVLvx5RziHQ2EudsjIXIHVxj8Vdn86M+DjnA4zb+BqFmUtWnl6VwQP8EpqhWGVzlu4ZTVNTVAwaKNyl1HUrsB7pm7gM6upvc37JpOqHoq+tUP/wAjTLE+401fgiNo/wCnp+vjP+4ks8rGjvp6fr4zxpLPNznHDTItZ6Vw+X1vG815pk+sTef1v43mObgc0fkzP2p2YRxougCwkJ1BcR7ohBtCY2dPhEvSWEARTaNtQMOqYimVFi9Jwx6tgzx0iAUAkzUgWxFP2bn3JLRfchbK/wAb+i64o/pdH2dT4pGt4qxA/S6Xs6nxSNY0ckQ6Yfct95+sdwz3SGk9NJ0yjrexuD8Re88FewJ3Wi05dw7jS6djx0rjVpUy28nJF6T8RPbQtDYprtHO1z25/jEeGT/FVSz+YgyWMWwbrkSzoNyhtkix3Gw5X9JRO9zaUUo1e40rVQ17dQyiPG4ryLltkstQKtwbbJEbYimSg2LjIHp6s4ixmEC0qjtyn2XYE5hSAbdF5MiIUuQrbbtYt5Ig3S2auD9Y88datVjtFGazDOxtfs5xKxt1ULUnqXC3IZkUixAIv3iTsBtFELGzMAUfirWBCt0HOEe12XmuqLRoixdjfSMP974VknAVi9NWORIFx08ffI2N9Iw/3vhWNI5TVOhnPjT7OKhsCeYSQMu0q18QOl6x73H4SvaV+mqdfyj1+ViEv9W/+53P4RLrDTtVcD9YKR2m0Sb7zseMF9Hrp4AGmoPmimO5W/Axxo0cv9kSoY9vzqAbrqSOjZ839k5dsuWjF5THmUDtltTK9/gw08emD+xjowfplL1z7qbS34r0ih1VPCJVdBLfFIeZqh7kIlqxXpFDqqeETTAuxC+q8/0fNBebV9vW8ZjMxZoLzavt63jMZGbixXtaa4VUB4bbnqRD8yJkmJplmCncEBb8PdNG1tr7TMo5lpjrblP/AAiUM2fEMDmgcJl9kBcu25lId2X6G3JwwUvUser+ERcO9R7C9gL81/wiRcUl9hcwe488nawo6Udi9gvJtzm1/hYk9Mq9KkSQFyvmOgX4jrj8ZRdt+vBzZRkqp8cjjRylamxwsxXqIOXZNQ1Q9FTrcfxtMrwNRvK0QwzVmDHnBUiaZqU35h0+rUcd9m+c51JZHXsdCU3LCr9D5o76en6+M8aSzysaO+np+vjPGks81FjyrOFUsdwBJ7BMg1he6j1AT1sSf+U07WCvs0WA3sQo7d/uvMp1kxACXv57kL6qX/8AzMMz4Q9pO25FdQXeWPRC53i3D4EWWqWsn62ee0MtgdeUlYXF7BJ2cjuA93yBmbiN/wAsWrHGIMZ6nekUhz0X/wCH4GVg4l0zqbmF16DwEsGqtY+UwrkWuXU9qt/SRHaSKZH1Qf0XnEel0vZ1PisbRTiPS6Xs6nxSNo4ckR6eTzW4Zg9u74SuaTr7CdHG3HmEtem0vTt0i0pWm+WKaA2L1Bc9Qzi2Vbj2l3VHvovRtVFLK4VmzK2uOgGTKGkrAbaOL8bXBI37t0KeO2WKVDdhaxVTygcgTzZi0lOqhLFcuC85J4dsrFGkm27Z9rYpQLi5y3Ded/CJtK4hhh6m0GXkPls7+SeI+cdIAo5akE7zv7Mt0i1aFNuG1fK2ZAvv6JZohUlQnxuLRnQrY5WZjkPNyGe/jDCUmWgiMxKMqbLHejWBW/2biemmdGUzTYhFXZzBAGRHx5p3gMTtKqVMiQuzlkwtlnw6pRmqvpTLTq9WJQqd4IPfl8QT2yRjfSMP974VkPQzcoW4qflJmN+nw/3nhWMwdo52ZVJjOQtLVNmjUPMj9+ybSbE2s72oMPrFV72HylnwUgrkkUHDL+kN9lVHci395MWayC9ZBa9wotz3fdeNcAL1arfbf42+UVaxn9IQdF781jv7IhF3kOplez+hGahfEjO+be4gLbsl70UtkvxJ+GUomFIOJuON/jn7900LC09hFHRcyNS96Kw2gkStVhfE35lqn+JAPnLRivSKHVV8Ilc1MW9Vm5kH8Tf0lkxfpFDqqeER3EqghLUvvZxoPdV9vW8Zk+vU2VJO4AnukDQfm1fb1vGYawVdmgwG9rKP2jaXb2Moq5JFF0hX2m2m/VV6jHmLnL3CVvQzXG0t9pn5RP6oYk7XWb2jjTlT83iDfziKS81jZO7MyBoJQjFnBCkFdi2Z526lMrp9237f5NtU3Gorg99YiuzYHaKZhD+svTzhbm/OJWmcoQ4PKvnfj/e60dawEiqpQ2ZRcsd1uc/ZIuLcxijDlDUuchwB+H4Rxcf9sIy5v29PcYogXyNTaudtb58CcxNH1ONnxC/aRu9Tn7pmFQqCpsdm52Twvll1zStVDbEVBffTQ9zERGT/ACL6HY74mS9G/T0/Xxn/AHElmlY0b9PT9fGeNJZSZqYFT1uxVmsP1EJ6mY7Imd6doB6lOkTbZpgn7JOfaciO2XHTz7dRs/OqBexBnKDpMPVxr7AN9uynhZBslugXDZ9EWb6pnQiunGkSNHYvyjNhti1IrYC2asNzsfcYLh8mS52l5IN7C/G3Rv77z30uyqgagF2KlxUdd5cb0B4A7+mQ6rkILneBnbzhwY81t3TLMhHAxLPk5NgD05ywat4gilSbfs11v2sN/YRETU14ZC1st5P9Y20A36O9v1agt18k/wB9UyltT+UaGo1/S6Xs6nxSNooqn9Ko+zqfFI3jhzCJjUuoHSJTdZMFslH2NpUe7Lx2TkSObnl5KzyegCbkDcffzykodRtiyuDKPTrLyQx2gBshzY7SG3IqXzByGfRJuH2SeRbZW9hfiePVG2N0AjnaXkmQjoyog824H1QPlMXCSGVljJcnXlui3bPJ6gGZIA4m+U83Rhkwt15GQn8kp5QO8ZMG+BlG2WikyPpCr5V1pIQcttuaw3KesyS5V1K7JB3FRkVZcxukP/EAYnaUFlans8gZgh77ja/UJMpujvuYta2SsD23tbtkGstkOtBIQyA8EPwWMMZ6Rh/vfCsNFYbZG0Ra4AA5hDGekUPvfCsagqRzcsuqTGcQa0tlTXne/wDtUmP7yp64VMxn5tOo3aRYSZcFsCuaKvoMclm5z8c4n1g5WKQb9mm1xzk7l6jnHmh0tTHSRK3pB9qvWffsLYDnHHuveI4t5sfyvkXavU9vE5D+wMjNFc2U9APwlH1MpFqzueF+2XfE5I3VM87udELhDHUhOVVPRTHdtH5iP8V6RQ6qnhEUalDk1D9oDuURtjPSKHVU8InRh4oRz/2M50H5tX29bxmR9ZHstNed79wJknQfm1fb1vGYv1o30+jbPchky8SMKuaM40vUvSRd+3VftGZ7umSdHIXYVMtpRsvwAA81ugW39MiaRB2KAFr7TW6yMuzOSdEVbFlXd+ufrEZEDmUH4SdKuxtc/wCg1b/JvwQNN1ttti3mZ3+uu/d0b7dEUimztyV3D3Hd18Y10xS2HJaxZs0Az/b/AAEgYasyXQLyiciOc/jGeI0+BPfqtck7EVC/kkVbWKX7wMjNE1UF8RVbmRF7yTKJh8Ky4ikrNfa84c2yC1uq9vfNA1Lp/Tv9Z1Ufsrn8YjK3lQ8qWJtHro76en6+M8aSxubAnrlc0d9PT9fGeNJYMSbIx+yfhNTBIzjGVL1EJ/1GPbeUjC1vKeUpgkO9yGHE3uU6iMuuXDFeevRTb5ymYGmtO1ZzkLFFG933kdQO89UWj5M6c62GOiKfkaZ8tktQgqhFzlucjhYzxxJ5LB7sxJ3c97Ajo6PxkjFA4griFyDAbYO5GXf2SPWqAFTbIZDn32z6eYc0uylUzxw5ZNoEZ22ee0sGgkIw+Z8+qO7krE19pXa4sBYnn6pZ9X6G0uFQjN3V+y5c+4TKXovku9ky/VfSqI5qdT4pG8U1/S6Xs6nxSNo4cwJ8n2EAPk+WnUIAeT0wd4B65HbR9M/qr2ZfCTISKRKbXDFdbQtJ8ipGdwQxBB5xY5Ge2H0aibgSediWPvk6Eil7E9cnywAi3G+kUPvfCsZxZjfSKH3vhWWKjIyi65vyn6EVe1ml5MzzW6pdn6XRf9q3+czyOojOkV5Dw0cLU175T6jh2xBFrMSQeORyHQOmWPSWJ8nhwFPKbkr28ezlHslWrELSbgC9r84AuQegb4rgW7Y1m4ssepuG2aJbMlmbM9ZA+Ec41rJ12HvivU974ZeNic+flHP3iM8eeSo+0PdF5b5S0Vwiy6npagT9Z3PdYfKT8X9PR6qnhEjappbDJ0lz3uTJOL9IodVTwidSHBzcr739nOhPNq+3reMyDrR+p+34TJ2g/Nq+3reMyHrP/wC2ftMP4DCXBbD5ozXSFMMlAHcNu/C/Jva/ZJejEUoXPnjIjg1shUI4cx57SHi7GnR2r28ow71Pu+Uk6LuGbbyK32uYKMrdI5oaZ9n0ydUqy2J8c5ZmLG5UmzNw+z1cR1TnD4TIOWN7gjPhwHXPTFFWcgeZvBO/pJ6eE8sALsFLHZuewcO2MyfavnhCiVzv2G2iFZ671Cb7CkDmuR/T3maXqnR2cMh+vduxjcfw2lBwFP8ANtsCxqPsr2kILTU8NRCIqjcqhR1AWERhvNu/gey9sEvfcQaO+np+vjPGkf4ochvVPwiDR309P18Z40lhr+a3UfhNxdcozLF+eB/psBKZomj/AIi9BsmNjTcfqld4P2SO4i/GXPGZVEtxRv8AlKRUZqKLsXAqZmoOOyfMW26x39YisfJnTycJjRsQtM+QQcgGzsfOduex4DmnnVok8gmwy2m326e2TKyhlFZhaoVXa6OG0RzmLqjkHI7wLy79jNXz6HAokjZB3tsjrJsJourOG/SUFsqdMnqJ5IHcT3Sk6Bph6iCxuCWPNbh7zNH1Np38tVPFwi+qm897HulIq5pEZXUGxtiPS6Xs6nxWNoqxHpdL2dT4rGsaEAhCEACEIQAIQhAAhCEACLMb6RQ+98KxnFmN9Iofe+FYAT2mZaw1Npx9qo7d3J+U0vENZSeYH4TLNJG701+xtH9przHM9qHNGu5sW6fqctFO5Uv2m34GIsZUUUjtfrMSOzcerhaTdL4raqseGSjqW9z3kiemmMIgw9M7PKI2r9JMrhhaZvqJdKivdjrVCwo7PSf+MZ48+b1n4SHqxTtRB4kmSNJtmPVYxFb5TRcl51fW2HpdKA9+c7xXpFDqqeETvRKbNCmvMiDuUTjF+kUeqp4ROquDlSdyZxoPzavt63jMhaznzP2z/CZM0J5tX29bxmKdans68wp1D25D5ys/E0wK5ozrG1rU0B3bb5c/IP4ydg8UGQAixUZn/MyyY8TbcIk08+wlFt4DOSOcALe8YUnDoWG4jK0tpUpKvYnW3GV+jFmKBuQLnifs9PWf68J7V3UUwFG4ZjjuzF+N+eeuAw5uzHdc3vIGMceUWmhOZAP2Qd4HTN8yUY37i+BOc+OC7asYa7YZOY7ZHqoSP4tmaYspGq1MHE7vMpW/3MB/xl4AieHgY1G0qK1o76en6+M8aSwYk2Vj0H4Sv6N+np+vjP8AuJHOlXtRc8yt8DNW9jGK3SM3x7fnEI+qfeGiDQNVUpla2zss5NAOCbVNxfoXcDeO9JvZx9mn/wADKEzs5uTcgWHQOgcP6xWL7mzqTi2lQ4phxUcvvudstu/8f2J9equZ6woYcCBc+tIq45nUK+drW/qeJnTgWOdjxBz7hzy9lOl8jvVtAGd+IQAnhnfdNQ1To7OEpc7Ltnrclz8ZmOhUK4eoTfaJ2RfqsPfNgwdIIiqNyqB3QxLub/RjqNkkQ8R6XS9nU+KxrFVf0ul7Op8UjWMCYQhCABCEIAEIQgAQhCABE+lX2KtFyrMq+UDbKFyNpRbIAngY4ny0AEWkNKq1KoFWoDsNm9Ooq7udllC0q+zWb7CKO1Vv+E0LWU/mbfWZF7C4v7pmOnKnLxDesPcFmGXk6OjWzZVkYswJ/vfHmmGvTorzIPiYkw3n/wB9MbY+pdV3ZKoFjffeWg+mLNtRDqlFexYdWmIp7J4Zjt/sz30kTtEcyj3m26RdHVNlUPRYjrtb++mTHAasBv5VMfxAxKMfyWS9rZdqGl0VVGxWyAH0NT+WcLihVr0yq1AFD7Rem6gXAAzYc8cqMp1adI5D5K/gsYKRqIyVbmrUYFabsCGa6kEAjMZxJrFiw/lGAYAU1UB1ZDdmzybPgJeiJnmtVW7VOmoij9lQT77zPI+0Y0quZQdOP5o5trL1jb/iZxoWuQHpnhmvUeE89Ov+csN2yvfv+c50av5xTw3G+WUpil0y2HdTiU4sZ6Qxvk6YC+e17Dm6TIOgMKWrITnyrknibcZHrualQnpsBzAGWPROH2CGtuBPbDNkcrRTT4VCPyXPVauEas7ByDsKAiM5GROYUHnlj/60n1K37mp/LFGo6cmqx4uPcolstNMaqKEs/wDYyqYdijU6rI+xtYm9qbFgHdCu0oFwCAeEk6W0mr0WVVqAmwu9N0GZtvIAlhIiTWZ7Ii/WdfdnJlsimNXNIzfWF+U55lYfw7PxIlPTeev3Syacq3Rz9Y2HUXB+UrNExY7aQ5wGFVs1HKINhfj1SccEqgFxyhvF9/MbcZL1cw6g3AzIkzS1NWztu3f1kPgpJLqo5wCXSmv1qiXtfdtjhNFXTKfUrfuan8soeik2q2HXmdPcCx+E1C01wrZs5+r8khJSxHlcSjKjhVpuCXR0zYrYcodBj2fLT7NxQIQhAAhCEACEIQAIQhAAhCfIAVD8omkGo0EZPOaoqqeY7Dm9uNrXmVYis2yU2iS2bE9d79u+bBrvodsThyqeehDoOdgCCO1Sw7Zjtamb2sQ68lkbIi3Cxi+W7s6mjlHpr1I2F8/++mOXp3yA4qPcPxiehk4vlnxy9+6WFSozJHn5581h8pCewxkfchil0sLdI6xJujQWrp01F7gB+EWY/HpwN+rd3yZqniDWxKqiZIdpzfJRbK/NeVjHuKZNoNmrCfZ8n2NnGOGmJax6SZ69QXIVKj2HSGIJ+U24zG9d9DtQxDuQfJ1SWVrZBm85WPA3ue2ZZU62HNHKKm7KdjKjO203H4DKTdHDMdvwkatSPNe3EfMb5M0YBnmMlPGYxOhLxZJ0RgLuTzWMsFFLnsA72Eh6FrIvlCzDhbP4Th9KqjEgXGXHpg+SqNJ1MH5ljz1G92XyljiHVCmy4ZSylSxZtk7wGYkX7I9EZj4o5GR3Ns+mUb8pGPNNaSr5zF7dFlzPXnLzKpr3oZsRQDILvTO0B9YW5QHTa3dCauJbC1GabMfxNZipS9xe5vz52+Mh4bzu2S6qG5yz3EHI3HRwM8KCWbP3xVHaW+6LxqzTJIPCeulFsSOf+/nO9X8UiKNplHWRI2m9IoWOxnmOrfnnJaVGT6nLgaaBp/pNL1mP+1CJowmbak4k18VtBLKgcswNwGa1lvz24TShN8a7Tnap3M6hCE0FghCEACEIQAIQhAAhCEACEIQA5Ilf09qnh8VynUo/B0Oy3bwbtlhhBqyYycd0zKtJ6iVKKtUFdHRM+UpD24AEZXnlhtSsXVUOHpBWJZdotexJtey7+2aZpXR616T0nJCsLEqbMM75GSMNQCIqLuUADqEo4RZutTNb3uULA/k6ub4iuWH1KY2Qegsc7dVj0y56M0XSw6BKSBVHNmSeck5k9ZjCElRS4M55Zz8mE+whLGZ8tI+JwqOpV1V1O9WAIPfJEIB8lD0j+TmkxLUKj0t/IPLTsubjvMreM1Or0mFPbps1Q7KW2gBnmWy+c18yDitGo9SnVa+1Tvs5m2fOOMp0K7No6iaVWZ7g/wAnOIvyq9NAd+wrMezJRLRofUnD0GDkNVqDPbqG4B+yg5I7r9MtAE+yVFIiWectmz4BOoQljIJyy3nUIAVzTWqOGxJ2mQq/10Oy37Q3N2gyqYr8nFUH83XRh/qKQbdJW4PdNNhKuMX6GsM048Myxfyf4vd5SiBzjb+AAvGuB/J0lwcRWap9hOQh6zmx7xL9CQscUWlqckvUh4HA06KBKaKijcqiw/8APXJkIS5g23yfYQhAAhCEACEIQAIQhAAhCEACEIQAIQhAAhCEACEIQAIQhAAhCEACEIQAIQhAAhCEAPhhCEACEIQABAwhAD7CEIAfDOIQgB//2Q==)
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死去活來一回,幽默感增加很多。做能做的,別太把死了活了當回事。該吃啥吃啥,忘啥都不能忘了吃藥。老了就是用錢買藥,以藥活命。活著很重要。
二0一八年回囯,好些中學同學見我的第一句話居然是:你還活著?是啊,還活著。“傳説裏你都死了好幾年了”。是嗎?
我已經活過了袁世凱,活過了張飛,活過了關羽,也活過了劉備。雖然胸被鋸開過兩次,身上有了二十枚死彈(STANS),但是還活著。年輕是不知死活,老了難得還活著。整天吃呀睡睡呀吃得還活著。讀書寫小文,下棋吃大龍。人生真是不是一首歌,總有一天,曲終人完。人人都一樣。
我家不幸。起於文化大革命。我爸提前退休,不到六十就退出人生舞臺。心裏有所不甘,誰在外邊也是胳膊擰不過大腿。我爸是個敏感的人,受不了黨的有一沓沒一沓,嫌我爸住醫院的時候太多。我爸一憤怒去球吧(我還真不知道四川話怎麽說?)少拿工資百分之十退休。
男人退休會心情不好,我爸將他生活重點放在了治理家裏兩男兒的身上。我哥是西安九中的乒乓球冠軍,打法莊則棟。我是我哥的跟屁蟲。我爸看我倆是橫竪不順眼。中國爹是世界上最幸福的爹,打人不犯法,可以隨便打自己的孩子。無法國家,元首都是“和尚打傘”。
耄那時候是年輕人的貼心人,一句話概括了“指導思想理論基礎”馬克思列寧主義:“造反有理”。一九六六年的某一天,我哥帶著七八個人操了自己家。根本就沒有把我爸放在眼裏,我豎大拇哥:厲害了,我的哥。我哥操完自己的家就和幾個戰友,深秋走進冬,從西安走到延安,再從延安走到北京。在天安門前踮起脚一通狂喊怒喊瘋喊:毛主席萬歲、萬歲、萬萬嵗。耄受用得很。
我哥一九六八年底下了鄉。走了。我爸就嚴格管制我。我沒我哥硬氣,知道自己是小胳膊,根本就不和大腿擰。很喜歡沙家浜裏的《智鬥》。我爸是超級大近視,我就和他躲貓貓,讓他老人家“眼不見,心不煩”。他給我提的要求,我全照辦,一點不打折扣。硬要求是每天寫二十個正楷大字,每晚交他驗查。小菜一碟。關鍵是要少挨打保住腦袋。
我爸讓我氣得牙癢癢的一件事是用滾開的開水燙死了我的三個蛐蛐。那是我半夜三更打著手電鑽地溝逮到的,是我們家屬院最厲害的。那個小孩不愛厲害?我在家屬院的草地上大聲嚎哭了一天。哪個親爸能讓親兒子這麽撕心裂肺肝腸寸斷?(待續)
北京時間12、25、2021
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