1 晚餐准备好了/Dinner's ready

My cooking has always been the target of family jokes. One evening, as I prepared dinner a bit too quickly, the kitchen filled with smoke and the smoke detector went off. Although both of my children had received fire-safety training at school, they did not respond to the alarm. Annoyed, I stormed through the house in search of them. 

I found them in the bathroom, washing their hands. Over the loud buzzing of the smoke alarm, I asked them to identify the sound. 

"It's the smoke detector," they replied in unison. 

"Do you know what that sound means?" I demanded. 

"Sure," my oldest replied. "Dinner's ready." 

我的厨艺一直以来都是全家人取笑的对象。一天晚上，由于晚餐准备得太快了一点儿，弄得厨房里全是烟雾，连烟雾探查器也响了起来。虽然我的两个孩子在学校里都接受过防火安全训练，然而他们对警报却毫无反应。我很生气，怒气冲冲地在房间里到处找他们。 

我在浴室里找到了正在洗手的他们。我的声音大过了警报声，要求他们辨别那种声音。 

“是烟雾探查器。”他们不约而同地回答。 

“你们知道那种声音代表什么吗？”我问道。 

“当然，”大一点的孩子回答，“晚饭已经好了。”

2 妈妈的报复/Mother's revenge

After two weeks of Air Force basic training. I called home. "You wouldn't believe how strict they are," I complained. "They even give demerits for things like not hanging your towel straight or not tightening the cap of your toothpaste properly."

"Well, dear," my mom responded, "don't think of it as basic training. Think of it as Mother's revenge."

经过两个星期的空军基础训练，我给家里打电话，“你不相信他们的要求是多么的严格，”我抱怨道，“他们甚至对像毛巾挂得不直或牙膏盖没拧紧这样的小事都要记过。”

“好，亲爱的，”妈妈回道，“不要那样看待基础训练，把它看作是妈妈的报复吧。”

3 回应/Response

Frequent hand-washing in my job as a medical technologist and the harsh Alaskan weather combined to give me very dry skin. One night as I prepared for bed, I rubbed my hands with petroleum jelly and covered them with a pair of old white gloves.

As I sat in bed reading a book with my gloves on, my husband finished showering and came into the room. Drying himself off, he went to the closet, selected a tie and began putting it on.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Well," he replied, "if you're going to be formal, so am I."

我是一名医药技师，频繁的洗手以及阿拉斯加恶劣的天气，让我的皮肤十分干燥。一天晚上，我在休息前用凡士林膏抹了抹手，并带上了一副旧的白手套。

我坐在床上看书，手上还戴着白手套，丈夫洗完澡进了卧室。擦干身子之后，他走到壁橱前，选了一条领带开始扎上。

“你这是干什么？”我问。

“噢，”他回答，“如果你想正式一点，那我只有这样做了。”

4 我写的/I wrote

One of the guests turned to a man by his side to criticize the singing of the woman who was trying to entertain them.

"What a terrible voice! Do you know who she is?" 

"Yes," was the answer. "She's my wife." 

"Oh, I beg your pardon. Of course, it isn't her voice, really. It's the stuff she has to sing. I wonder who wrote that awful song." 

"I did," was the answer. 

一位客人转向他旁边的男士，想评论一下一位女士的歌喉，这位女士正在试图取悦客人们。 

“多么糟糕的嗓音啊！你知不知道这位女士是谁？”“知道。”他答道，“她是我的妻子。” 

“哦，非常抱歉。当然，事实上我指的并非是她的嗓音，而是她所唱的内容。我想弄明白如此糟糕的歌词是谁写的？” 

“我写的。”他回答说。

5 迟到的原因/The Reason of Being Late

Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning?

Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost says, 'School -- Go Slow'.

老师：约翰尼，为什么你每天早晨都迟到?

约翰尼：每当我经过学校附近的拐角处，就见路牌上写着‘学校-缓行’。

6 杯水救火灾

Once, late at night, an Englishman came out of his room into the corridor of a hotel and asked the servant to bring him a glass of water.
The servant did as he was asked. The Englishman re-entered his room, but a few minutes later he came into the corridor again and once more asked the servant for a glass of water. The servant brought him another glass of water. Every few minutes the Englishmen would come out of his room and repeat his request.
After a half-hour the astonished servant decided to ask the Englishman what he was doing with the water. Nothing, the Englishman answered imperturbably, "It’s simply that my room is on fire. "

一天深夜，一个英国人从他住的旅店房间里走出来，来到走廊上，叫旅店的服务员给他拿一杯水来。
服务员按他的要求做了。英国人回到了他的房间里，几分钟后他又来到走廊上，让服务员再给他送一杯水。服务员又给他送了一杯水。每隔几分钟。英国人就走出房间重复他的要求。
半小时之后，这位感到惊讶的服务员决定问问房客要这些水干什么，英国人不谎不忙地回答：“没什么，只不过是我的房间里起火了。”