1 失眠/Insomnia
A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you." "I know" said the man, "but I can't. My wife refuses to sleep alone."
有一个男的去看医生，诉说着失眠的苦恼。医生给他做了一次完整的检查，完全找不到他身体有任何毛病，然后告诉他；“你听好，如果你希望治疗好你的失眠，你就必须停止把你的烦恼跟着你带上床。”这个男的说：“我知道呀，但是我没办法呀，我老婆不肯一个人睡嘛！”
2 一封感谢信/A Thank-you Note
Once I received a thank-you note from a friend whom I had helped. In the envelope were five lottery tickets that had been scratched, revealing the numbers. "Thank you very much for your help," the note read. "As a gift, I bought you some lottery tickets- sorry you didn't win. "
有一次，我收到一封感谢信，是一个我曾帮助过的朋友寄来的。信封内有五张彩票，都被刮过了，露出了数字。“非常感谢您的帮助，”信上写道，“作为礼物，我给您买了些彩票----真遗憾，您没中奖。”
3 兔子的论文/ the Rabbit’s thesis.
It's a fine sunny day in the forest, and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.
Fox: "What are you working on?"
Rabbit: "My thesis."
Fox: "Hmmm. What's it about?"
Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."
Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes."
Rabbit: "Sure they do, and I can prove it. Come with me."
They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After a few minutes, the rabbit returns, alone, to his typewriter and resumes typing.
Soon, a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.
Wolf: "What's that you're writing?"
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."
Wolf: "You don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"
Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"
The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow, and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing.
Inside the rabbit's burrow: In one corner, there is a pile of fox bones. In another corner, a pile of wolf bones. On the other side of the room, a huge lion is belching and picking his teeth.
It doesn't matter what you choose for a thesis subject.
It doesn't matter what you use for data.
What does matter is who you have for a thesis advisor.
这是一个阳光灿烂的晴朗日子，森林里一只小兔子坐在洞穴外，在打字机上敲敲打打。这时一只散步的狐狸走了过来。
狐狸：“你在做什么呢？”
兔子：“写我的论文。”
狐狸：“唔，是关于什么的？”
兔子：“噢，我在写兔子是怎样吃掉狐狸的。”
狐狸：“你太搞笑了吧！谁都知道兔子不吃狐狸。”
兔子：“兔子当然吃，我能证明的。跟我来。”
它们一起消失在兔子的洞穴里，几分钟后只有兔子独自出来了。它回到打字机前继续敲打。
很快，一只狼走了过来，停下看着兔子奋力工作。
狼：“你在写什么呢？”
兔子：“我在写论文，关于兔子如何吃掉狼。”
狼：“你不会指望这种垃圾论文被发表吧！”
兔子：“能发表，你想知道为什么吗？”
兔子和狼一起进了洞穴，而兔子又一次独自走了出来。几分钟后它继续打字。
兔子洞穴里：一个角落里是一堆狐狸骨头，另一角落里是一堆狼骨头。而另一侧是一只狮子，它边打着饱嗝，边剔着牙齿。
论文的题目选什么无关紧要。
你用什么作为例证数据也无关紧要。
真正重要的是：你的论文导师是谁！
4 买面包/Buy buns
A little rabbit bounced to the bakery and asked: "Boss, do you have 100 small buns?" Boss: "Ah, I'm sorry, we don’t have so much." "Oh, that’s it." the rabbit walked away crestfallen. The next day, the little rabbit bounced to the bakery, "Boss, are there 100 small buns?" Boss: "Sorry, we still do not have," "Oh, that’s it." the rabbit walked away dejected. On the third day, the little rabbit bounced to the bakery, "Boss, are there 100 small buns?" the boss said happily: "Yes, yes, today we have a hundred small buns!! "the rabbit pulled out money: "Great, I buy two! "
小白兔蹦蹦跳跳到面包房，问：“老板，你们有没有一百个小面包啊？” 老板：“啊，真抱歉，没有那么多”“这样啊。。。”小白兔垂头丧气地走了。 第二天，小白兔蹦蹦跳跳到面包房,“老板，有没有一百个小面包啊？” 老板：“对不起，还是没有啊”“这样啊。。。”小白兔又垂头丧气地走了。 第三天，小白兔蹦蹦跳跳到面包房,“老板，有没有一百个小面包啊？”老板高兴的说：“有了，有了，今天我们有一百个小面包了！！” 小白兔掏出钱：“太好了，我买两个！”
5 他真是一个大人物/He is really somebody
A: My uncle has 1000 men under him.
B: He is really somebody. What does he do?
A: A maintenance man in a cemetery.
A: 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
B: 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？
A: 墓地守墓人。
6 世界上什么最大?/What's the biggest in the world?
Peter dozed off while his teacher was talking.
Teacher: Peter! Tell us, what's the biggest in the world?
Peter: Well, well, eyelids.
Teacher: What? Eyelids?
Peter: Yes, sir. Because as soon as I shut my eyes, the eyelids cover everything of the world.
老师正在讲课,彼得打起瞌睡来了。
老师：彼得!你说说,世界上什么最大?
彼得: 嗯……嗯……眼皮……
老师：什么? 眼皮?
彼得：是的,老师。因为我眼睛一闭,眼皮就把世界上所有的东西都遮住了。
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