1 多谢了，班长/Thanks a Lot, Sarge

The sergeant had just completed the morning inspection of the troops.

"Before I dismiss you, there's just one announcement. Private Kowalski, your mother is dead.  Dismissed. "

The soldier was devastated, of course, and the lieutenant was appalled at the sergeant's heartlessness.

"For Heaven' s sake, sergeant, next time you have to inform a trooper of a loved one' s demise, please be a little more subtle," he said.

A few weeks later, sorry to say, the sergeant had another opportunity.

Lining up his troops, he ordered, "All of you whose mother is still alive, step forward. Not you, Johnson. "

一位班长刚完成部队晨间检查。

“解散之前，有件事要宣布一下，二等兵卡瓦斯基，你母亲已经过世了。解散！”

当然，那位士兵遭受很大的打击，而排长也讶异于班长的冷酷无情。

“看在老天的分上，班长，下次你要告诉弟兄们有亲人死亡时，请多用点技巧，委婉一些，”排长说道。

几个礼拜之后，很不幸那位班长又有一次机会。

集合了部队，他下口令道：“所有妈妈尚健在的，前进一步。你，约翰逊，除外。”

2 小孩子实在了不起/Aren't Kids Wonderful?

Mother got on the train with Little Johnny and Little Ronny.

Little Johnny was full of questions, as usual: "What's an emergency brake, Mommy?"

“Why did that policeman ask to see our tickets?"

"Why can't I lean out the window?" etc.

His mother was becoming ever more exasperated.

Finally, Little Johnny asked, "What was that last station we stopped at, Mommy?"

"I don't know, Johnny, and will you please stop pestering me? I'm trying to read. "

A few minutes of silence passed.  Then Johnny said, "It's too bad you don't know what station that was, cause that's where Little Ronny got off.”

妈妈和小强尼、小罗尼一起搭乘火车。

小强尼一如往常问东问西，“妈咪，什么是紧急煞车？"

“为什么那位警察叔叔要看我们的车票？"

“为什么身体不能伸出窗外？"等等诸如此类问题。

妈妈实在忍不住要发脾气了。

最后小强尼又问：“妈咪，刚刚火车停靠的是哪一站？”

“我不知道，强尼，你可不可以不要烦我，我正在看书呢！”

一阵安静后，强尼说：“真糟糕，你竟然不知道罗尼下车的那个车站。"

3 半价票/A Half-price Ticket

"How much is the movie ticket?"

"Ten dollars, kid."

"I only have five dollars. Please let me in. I'll see it only with one eye."

“电影票多少钱一张？”

“10美元，孩子。”

“我只有5美元。请让我进去吧，我只用一只眼睛看。”

4 考试不及格/Failure in a Test

Mother: Why did you get such a low mark on that test?

Kid: Because of absence.

Mother: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?

Kid: No, but the kid who sits next to me was.

妈妈:这次测试你为什么得这么低的分？

孩子:因为缺考。

妈妈：你的意思是考试那天你没去？

孩子:不是，是坐在我旁边的孩子没来。

5 大头娃娃/A Boy with a Big Head

Children made fun of him because he had a beautiful head.

"Don't listen to them," his mother said, "You have a beautiful head. Now stop crying and go to the store to buy twenty pounds of potatoes."

"Where is the shopping bag?"

"I haven't got one-use your hat.”

大头娃娃一个小男孩向他母亲哭诉道：他们都取笑我，说我脑袋大。

 “别听他们的，”他母亲安慰道，“你有一个很漂亮的脑袋。好啦，别哭了，去商店买二十磅土豆来。”

 “购物袋在哪儿？”

 “没购物袋了----就用你的帽子吧。”

6 刮头/Shave Head

Recently, a man walked into my barbershop asking how much for a haircut.

"Eight dollars," I answered.

"And for a shave?" "Five dollars."

"All right," he said, settling into the barber chair. "Shave my head."

前些日子，有一男的来到我的理发店，问剪一个头要多少钱。

 “八美元，”我告诉他。

 “那，刮次胡子呢？”“五美元”。

 “那行”，那男的边说边坐到了理发椅上，“来，给我刮刮头吧”。