1 最乐观的人
William may well be called the champion optimist. He was sitting on the roof of his house during a flood, watching the water flow fast, then the neighbor who owned a boat rowed across to him.
"Hi, William!" said the man.
"Hi, Jack!" replied William, brightly.
"All your fowls washed away this morning?"
"Yes, but it doesn't matter, you know the ducks can swim.”
"Orange trees gone, too?"
"Yes, but everybody said the crop would be failure anyhow.”
"I see the river's reached above your windows, William.”
"That’s all right, Jack, "was the reply. "The windows needed washing.”
威廉姆可以称得上是最乐观的人了。在洪水泛滥的时候他坐在自家的房顶上，看着湍急的洪水不断泛滥。他的邻居坐在船上划向他。
“晦，威廉姆!”划船的男人招呼他。
“晦，杰克!”威廉姆愉快地回应他。
“你家里的家畜今天早上都被洪水冲走了吗?”
“是的，不过这不要紧的，你知道，鸭子是会游泳的!”
“橘子树也被冲走了吗?”
“是的，但是大家都说庄稼总有不行的那一天。”
“威廉姆，我看见洪水都淹没你的窗户了。”
“那太好了，杰克。”威廉姆答道，“窗子正需要清洗呢!”
2 把他送走!
The children begged for a hamster, and after the usual fervent vows that they alone would care for it，they got one. They named it Danny. Two months later, when mother found herself responsible for cleaning and feeding the creature, she located a prospective new home for it. The children took the news of them remarked, "He's been around here a long time, and we’ll miss him."
"Yes," Mom replied." But he's too much work for one person, and since I'm that one person, I say he goes."
Another child offered, "Well, maybe if he wouldn't eat so much and wouldn't be so messy, we could keep him."
But Mom was firm. "It's time to take Danny to his new home now," she insisted. "Go and get his cage."
With one voice and in tearful outrage the children shouted, "Danny? We thought you said Daddy!"
孩子们都想要一只仓鼠。在他们发出了坚定的誓言自己照顾那个动物之后，他们真的得到了一只。他们给它取了名字叫“丹尼”。两个月后，妈妈终于意识到实际上清洗和喂养这只动物的事全是由她一人承当着。因此，她为那只仓鼠找了个新家。孩于们对“丹尼”的离开并没做出什么反应。只有其中的一个说了句: “他和我们在一起已有很长一段时间了, 我们会想他的。”
“是呀，”妈妈说，“但是，由一个人来照顾他也实在是够累的。既然我就是那个人，我说送他走。”
另一个孩于说: “如果他吃的不那么多，他不那么脏乱，也许我们还能把他留下。”
但是妈妈很坚决: “现在该给丹尼找个新家了，”妈妈一点儿也不肯让步。“去把他的笼子拿来。”
这时孩子们异口同声地喊了起来: “丹尼? 我们还以为是送爹爹走呢!”
3 提醒
Several weeks after our son began his freshman year at Alma College in Michigan, my husband and I decided to visit him. I was careful to call him a few days in advance to "warn" him that we would be coming. When we arrived at the dorm, however, I was taken aback by the disarray of his room. "Forgot we were coming, didn't you?" I teased.
"Are you kidding?" he replied, “Why else would I have bothered to clean?"
我们的儿子是密歇根州阿尔马大学的新生，开学几个星期之后，我和丈夫决定去看看他。我特意提前给他打电话，“提醒”他我们将光临。但是当我们来到宿舍时，他的房间凌乱不堪，我非常吃惊。“忘了我们要来，是吧?”我取笑他。
“开什么玩笑?”，他回答说，“要不然我肯定已经自己打扫了。”
4 惊奇!
My first waitressing job was in a coffee shop. We featured a lunch special called "Tuna Salad Surprise", a tuna sandwich served with soup and chips. When our sandwich maker didn't show up for work one hectic Saturday, we had to prepare our own sandwiches.
A man sat down and ordered the special. I raced to the sandwich board, prepared the order, poured his coffee and rushed to the next customer. Later, as I delivered his check, he noted politely that he had never eaten a potato salad sandwich before. Horrified at my mistake, I asked, "Why didn't you tell me it was potato salad instead of tuna?"
"I thought that was the surprise."
我做招待工作始于咖啡店。我们有道午餐特餐叫“金枪鱼沙拉惊奇”。这个套餐实际上就是把金枪鱼三明治、汤、薯条搭在一起吃。一个忙碌的星期六，我们那做特餐三明治的厨师没来上班，我们只好自己准备三明治。
一位男食客坐下来，要了这道特餐。我跑到了三明治柜台，替他准备好了套餐，又给他倒了一杯咖啡，就开始招待下一位食客。不久，我把帐单递给了要特餐的食客。他很礼貌地说，他从没吃过土豆沙拉三明治。这时我才意识到我把三明治弄错了，我真有点害怕了。我问他: “你为什么不早告诉我特餐是土豆沙拉而不是金枪鱼沙拉呢?”
“我还以为那就是所谓的惊奇呢。”
5 关心
A customer at my teller's window was grumbling about the low interest rate on his savings account. He finally said he was just going to take all his money out of the bank, dig a hole in his back yard and bury it.
The teller next to me leaned over. "Sir, I couldn't help overhearing. Tell me, what is your address?"
一位顾客站在我的出纳窗口前，埋怨存钱的利率太低。最后，他说他要把所有的钱从银行里取出来，在自家后院挖个坑，把钱埋了。
隔壁窗口的出纳员探过身来说: “先生，我实在不想偷听，但还是听到了，告诉我，您住在什么地方?”
6 过分紧张
My little girl loves animals, but one day she was bitten by a small field mouse she'd found. She carried it home in her pocket and told me what happened. Worried about rabies, I called our town humane society and was told that the animal would have to be examined, and they'd send someone for it.
When the humane society truck pulled up, a big man got out, put on a pair of gauntlets and took a capture stick and a big cage from the back of the truck. Trying not to laugh, I handed him a small shoe box containing the mouse.
"Lady, "he said, seeing my expression, "they only told me it was a wild animal.”
我的小女儿喜欢动物。但有一天，她被一只她找到的小田鼠咬了一口。她把那小动物放在口袋里带了回来，并把所发生的一切都告诉了我。由于害怕她被传染上鼠疫，我给镇上的社区医院打了电话。他们告诉我这个小动物应被检查一下，还说他们会派人去把它取走。
社区医院的卡车停在了我家门口，一个大个子下了车，他戴上了防护手套，从车的后箱里取出一根棍子和一个笼子。我尽量克制自己不笑出来，把那装有小田鼠的鞋盒子递给了他。
“太太，”当他看到我的表情时他说，“他们只告诉我说是野生动物。”
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