1 希腊语 Greek
Mr. Day was a teacher at a school in a big city in the north of England. He usually went to France or Germany for a few weeks during his summer holidays，and he spoke French and German quite well.
But one year Mr. Day said to one of his friends，“I’m going to have a holiday in Athens. But I don't speak Greek, so I'll go to evening classes and have Greek lessons for a month before I go.”
He studied very hard for a month，and then his holidays began and he went to Greece.
When he came back a few weeks later，his friend said to him，“Did you have any trouble with your Greek when you were in Athens，Dick?"
"No，I didn’t have any trouble with it, "answered Mr. Day. But the Greeks did!”
戴先生是英格兰北部一个大城市里的中学教师。在暑假期间他通常到法国或德国去度几周的假，他的法语和德语都讲得相当好。
然而有一年，戴先生对他的一位朋友说:“我准备上雅典去度假。可是我不会讲希腊语，所以去雅典前刻名先去夜校进修一个月的希腊语课程。”
他很用功地学了一个月后，他的假期也接着开始了，于是他就去了希腊。
几周后，他回来了，他的朋友问他说:“迪克，你在雅典时，铡尔的希腊语有没有遇到困难?”
戴先生回答说:“没有，我的希腊语用来得心应手，倒是那些希腊人遇到了麻烦。”
2 克莱顿教授 Professor Creighton
Creighton was going along a West end square when he saw a little fellow trying to reach the knocker of a large house.
"Can’t you reach up so high?" asked the professor kindly.
"No，Sir,”said the small youngster.
"Well, then, let me help you,” and the professor mounted the three steps and gave a splendid rat-tat.
The little boy glanced hastily at the gentleman of the cloth. "Come on,”he yelled，"we must both run away.”
当克莱顿教授沿着伦敦西区的一个广场走着的时候，他看见一个小家伙正试图抓住一所大房子的门环。
“你是不是够不到这么高的地方呢?”教授好意地问。
“是的，先生。”那小孩说。
“那好，让我来帮你。”教授登上那三级台阶，在门上重重扣了几下。
那个小男孩急忙给教授递上一个眼色。“快跑，”他喊着:“我们俩都得跑。”
3 睡前祷告 Bedtime Prayer
Julia was saying her bedtime prayers. "Please God，"she said，“Make Naples the capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy.”
Her mother interrupted and said，"Julia，why do you want God to make Naples the capital of Italy?”
And Julia replied，“Because that is what I put in my geography exam!”
朱丽叶在做睡前祷告。“上帝啊，”她说道，“让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。”
妈妈打断她说:“朱丽叶，你为什么要求上帝让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都呢?”
朱丽叶回答说:“因为我在地理考卷上是这么写的。”
4 五分钟我能说什么 What Can I Say In Five Minutes
When we got our long一distance phone bill，we found that our daughter，Cathy，had been making 60一minute calls to a boyfriend away at college.“From now on，”her father said firmly，"Your calls are limited to five minutes.”
“Dad，what can I say in five minutes”Cathy wailed.
"Call me back.” He answered.
当我们接到长途电话账单时，发现我们的女儿凯西经常给她在外地上大学的男朋友打长达60分钟的电话。“从现在开始，”她爸爸严厉地说，“你今后打电话的时间限制在五分钟之内。”
“爸爸，五分钟我能说什么呀?”凯西哀号着说。
“你拨电话给我。”他回答。
5 学校成绩单 A School-report
The father was reading the school-report which had just been handed to him by his hopeful son. His brow was wrathful as he read: "English，poor; French，weak; Mathematics，fair;”And he gave a glance of disgust at the weakling lad.
"Well，dad，”said the son，“It is not as good as it might be，but have you seen that”and he pointed to the next line，which read: “Health，excellent.”
父亲在看他那满怀希望的儿子带回来的学习成绩单，他边看边露出愤怒的表情:“英语，差;法语，差;数学，中。”他厌恶地瞥了一下正在发抖的儿子一眼。
“爸爸，”儿子说，“可能成绩不够理想。但您看到那一项了吗?”他指了指下一行:“健康状况，优。”
6 大婴儿 The Big Baby
"You'll have to take care of the baby today," a woman told her husband. "I'm not feeling well."
"Then you must stay in bed and rest, dear." her husband said. "I'll be pleased to look after our baby."
"Thank you. I'll have a quiet day and I'll soon get better." his wife told him.
"Shall I do the shopping for you as well?" her husband asked.
She was very pleased and said, "That will help me very much. I'll give you a list of things to buy. "
She wrote out the list and gave it to him.
"You can get all these things at the supermarket," she said.
"You can put the baby in the shopping cart, then you won't have to leave him outside."
The man took the baby to the supermarket and put him in the shopping cart. Then he pushed the shopping cart along the rows of things to buy and looked for those that were on his list.
At first all was well, but then the baby began to cry.
Then he started to scream.
And scream!
And SCREAM!
"Keep calm, George, " the man said. "Don't get excited. Don't shout, George. Don't lose your temper, George.
A woman in the supermarket heard him saying these things. She walked up to him.
"I think you are wonderful," she said. "You are so patient with your little George."
"Madam," the man said, "I'm George. He's Edward.
“今天你得照看孩子，”女人对丈夫说，“我身体不舒服。”
“亲爱的，那你呆在床上休息，”丈夫说，“我很高兴照顾我们的孩子。”
“谢谢。今天我将清静一下了，我很快就会好点的。”
“我为你去买东西，好吗？”
她很高兴地说：“这帮我很大忙呢。我给你列个要买的东西的单子。”
她列好单子，递给他。
“在超级市场你能买到这些东西，”她说。
“你把孩子放在购物手推车里，就不用把孩子留在外面了。”
男人带着孩子到超市，把他放在推车里。然后推着车子沿着货架走，寻找单子列出的东西。
开始一切都进行得很顺利，接着孩子开始哭起来。
然后孩子开始尖声喊叫。
尖叫。
又尖叫。
“保持镇静，乔治，”男人说，“不要冲动。不要喊叫，乔治。不要发脾气，乔治。”
一个女人在超市听到他说的这些话。她走到他跟前。
“我觉得你真不错，“她说，”你对你的小乔治真有耐心。”
“夫人，”男人说，“我是乔治，他是爱德华。”
（from Internet)
