From the magazine issue dated May 29, 2000
I had sex last night. I'm 78 and my husband, movie producer David Brown, is 83. Shocking? Shouldn't be. More and more women are continuing to be interested in sex not only in their 40s and 50s, but well into their 60s and 70s. We realize that we don't want to miss out on something. For many years women were brainwashed into thinking that they couldn't have sex after menopause. We now know that's ridiculous, and are more interested in sex than ever, glory hallelujah, although we may need a little help. (We'll get to that in a minute.)
Sex is one of the three best things there are, and I don't know what the other two are. Sex keeps you connected to the human race, prevents you from being a prim, stuffy, puffy, correct, respected, respectable, finished old person! It makes you a functioning female instead of a sexless old crone. After we pass 50 or 60, we've already lost many validations of our femaleness: we don't menstruate, don't have babies and nobody's after us, trying to get us into the broom closet at a party. But having somebody make love to us keeps us one of the girls. So you have to keep reciting to yourself: I'm a sexual person; I want sex in my life; I deserve it, and I'm not gonna let it disappear.
Our libido slows down after 50 because the hormones are no longer raging through our bodies as they did at 18. The thought of piling under a man to make love may hold all the appeal of being thrown into a garbage scow. Marital sex often stops because of boredom, too many fights, too many problems. If you're single (and so many older women are), there's the supply problem. An older woman has to go looking; sex mostly doesn't come looking for her. "Between 50 and 60," says one realistic friend, "sex is out there. If you want it, you can connect. After 60, you have to supply the sled, the snow and the dog team."
Take a tip from the other side. How do older men attract women half their age? By paying for their pleasure with restaurant tabs, tennis lessons, trips to Acapulco, jewelry, furs, even the monthly rent. So if there's a man who might be up for having sex with you, take him to Gucci. Take him to Armani. If that's not your price range, give him a Brooks Brothers shirt! Give wonderful dinner parties. Pick up some restaurant tabs. I know a woman in Beverly Hills who's quite wealthy. After her husband died, she married somebody considerably younger. He's a wonderful companion and a great host. He helps her with that great Beverly Hills mansion, and I would say that although he was bought and paid for, he delivers, and Mr. Wonderful himself is content.
You appeal to a younger man by being competent, worldly, glamorous, fun, adoring, good in bed and having a little money! (Young women can't or don't offer most of those things.) Some younger men actually prefer older women. Unresolved childhood crush on a teacher? Need for a "mommy" to nurture and protect him? We don't always know why they fall for us.
Here's the biggie: how you can possibly undress in front of a man who's never seen you naked... that cellulite, those folds, those pooches! Wear something up to the last minute before getting into bed; turn off the lights if that makes you less nervous and back out of the room when it's over if you think your front is better than your back. If you have been exercising like a good girl, your body will probably look OK--not 16, but maybe 40 (and limber).
Sex to me is the ultimate womanly act--more truly feminine than baking chocolate-chip cookies or doling out money for a grandchild's college tuition. Those things are admirable--but if cookies are the boonies, sex is the big time! Women our age should indulge. Sex is healthy, revitalizing, energizing, nurturing. Be very proud of yourself if you are "of a certain age" and still enjoy sex. Don't feel one hour of guilt. You are exemplary--a role model for other women.
