What is Middle Life Crisis? I wonder sometimes. My sister thought she was going through that phase couple of years ago, even thought she was just over 30. The reason for her is that she has no kids, so she has been in certain status for a long time, and every goal she set for herself has been reached and she couldn’t see the future directions anymore. I concur that with her.  

It is not age that defines the Crisis but confusion of life and loss of directions. I have 3 kids. When they were young, I was so busy taking care of them physically, that I barely had time to reflect my own life. Sleep was my most desired prize above all. Now the youngest one is going to be 7, I suddenly found myself left with plenty of time to think and feel. My focus has been drifting from kids to myself a little bit. I don’t know if I am lost or confused but I know I see life differently, and it affected on relationships, career advances, etc. 

There are 2 personalities in me, one is before kids and another is after kids. A mother’s responsibilities forced the mom role on me but the pre-kids princess didn’t really disappear but simply got buried under layers of chores and routines. When the chores become less, the princess personality somehow emerged again and demands attention. The conflict of the 2 personalities changes my angel on my world and created a new dimension. I need to adjust.  

It is not necessary a bad thing to go through this phase. I believe it is part of growing pain (not getting old but mature), and a baby step toward a wise woman. There will be an empty nest phase I need to go through in the future, but if I adjust myself well now, I will be better prepared for kids’ college, career away from home and their marriages.

Life is still full of lessons and surprised, regardless of our age.