Today it’s almost the first day that I came back from long maternity leave and vacation.

Well, I have to say it’s not a good day. I feel so sad. I almost always have to face a reality check and a check that makes me feel so bad about myself. I feel so much like a loser, not good on anything. It seems that my career is a big bad mess, that my financial status is a big bad mess, although I can really enjoy my two boys, and they seem to be the only things enjoyable in my life.

How come? I never claim I am a career woman, but I have tried my fair goodness to work hard and challenge myself. Still, it’s not acknowledged by other people for my achievements. I never want to be really career obsessed or anything, but I am just feeling I am so falling behind. I almost can not forgive myself.

Is that because I am not charismatic in nature, or I am too hard to get along? Bitter memories come to my brain. I almost want to say that I hate myself.