Today I had a very pleasant working day, learned a lot, and had some very enjoyable talk with my supervisor doc, until 5 minutes before I finished my job. I realize that I made a very very silly mistake, when the pharmacy called me, I felt so embarrassed because any doc with any common sense will not write an order like this, no harm was done thanks to the careful work up from pharmacist, but the acutely dropped self esteem almost killed me literally.

I was told by quite a few Chinese friends who are also in medical field during my USMLE preparing, my matching process and before I started my residency, that I would do a great job because I was comparatively newly graduated, with several year clinical experience.

But things are not working like that, I still make mistakes, I had a difficult start, I progressive slowly, and I am so scared in deep my heart. I look around, all other interns look so confident and professional which makes me doubt, why this program ever recruited me, maybe I am not as good as they think, or not even as good as I think. 

After I talked with my supervisor on phone about this mistake, I could not control my frustration,  I so much want to impress him because he has been really nice and patient to me, disappointing him with such a stupid mistake is the last thing  I want to do, but...