|
Hello Jellis,
This topic you have brought up is complex and goes very deep. What you will find is that even if you don't stutter, that entering into a conversation with normal fluent speakers going at full pace will create a barrier.
While others enter straight in, we tend to wait for a pause, however what you will find is that the pause will not come.
As for myself, I attempt put myself in their situation and try to feel how they feel. However what I find is that my mind rejects this and I feel very threatened by them. If I read the under lying body language between people having a conversation in full swing I read it as aggressive. I try to reframe it into a safer non-threatening feeling. But so far to be honest I have not managed to do it, even if I CAN enter into the conversation.
Something I do, which I think most people in this group will NOT agree with. I actively seek to make my conversational skills Dominating. Previously I perceived a conversation as person A speaks then person B speaks then person A speaks on equal terms. But after observing people again and again what I found was that person A speaks and person B listens and agrees. Even if person B speaks it is only to agree with person A. Person A will hold and control the conversation, they will allow person B to speak.
My 'Personal' view in group conversations is that there is one or two dominant controllers and several listeners(Passive). Only when the dominant speakers allows then the Passive speakers can speak.
Extending this further into stuttering. When we are in conversation with a group of fluent speakers we are at the bottom of the food chain. meaning we are the most passive. If you see it from this view it says that the only reason why we can't enter into conversation is because the dominant speakers don't allow it. That is why the pause never opens up. because the more dominant speakers are having a influencing/convincing war with each other.
Try this little experiment. Sit in a public area and obverse people having a conversation at a distance, so you can't hear them. Now pick the person speaking the most and put yourself into their position speaking the way they speak. And feel what they feel. When ever I do this, I feel like I'm about the punch the other person I'm speaking too. All I can feel is aggression and spite, when I don't even know the topic of conversation. This my own personal feelings you may feel different. But this is what I try to reframe. I also believe this is what my inner feelings pick up when I speak to people. But this is only a small portion of the overall picture.
Good topic by the way, does anyone else have any other comments.
Max Stringer.
|
|
|