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Hi everyone. I've written on here before, but the past couple of days have been the worse. I am a PWS with blocks. I tense up and can't get words out. I am currently in my fourth year of college majoring in SLP but learning that I am going to have to a difficult time even finishing up my undergrad because I am required to take on a client next fall and spring before i graduate and I have to be pretty fluent in therapy. This, and the fact that i have been told that GRad School will be extremely difficult has made me begin to rethink my future. I do not believe I will be going to grad school anymore, not just because of my stutter but because of the money and whatnot. I am thinking about finding some other job helping people, mainly kids with disabilities or perhaps an SLP assistant. However, I am not getting to the point of this post. I have been so down on myself lately. I am so frustrated when I have so much to say and I can hardly get one word out sometimes because I tense up so much in certain situations, like public speaking. Take for instance, today in one of my classes, my teacher wanted us to talk about these papers we had written in groups of three, and I completely freaked out, couldn't breathe, etc etc. He then said I could try and just talk to him about it. I thought it would be a little easier, but I still could hardly say anything. I just don't know what to do anymore, I guess its my own fault for always being afraid in certain situations like telephone use and public speaking in front of a class, that I literally cannot make it through. I know the best way to get over my fears is to confront them, but how can I when I can barely get anything out?
Advise from a Professor who stutters
The previous advise about getting together with other persons who stutter is a good one.
As for graduate school, I very strongly encourage you to not give up on it. You are in the best position to help others who stutter. You know it intimately. It may not be easy, but nothing worthwhile is easy. And I suspect that turning your focus from helping yourself to helping others will take off some of the pressure that you are putting on yourself. This is also one way that support groups are so useful. As for the money for graduate school, many, if not most, provide funding for graduate students. It is usually just enough to live on and little more...but you can do it.
How do I know all of this? As a severe stutterer I went to graduate school and got my PhD. It was the best thing that I ever did. I am now a professor. I was still a severe stutterer when I started teaching (a class of 150) a couple of years ago. This was very hard on me, but it forced me to look for how to improve my speech through therapy, support group attendance, and other personal explorations. Now my speech is improving and teaching is so much easier. If I had waited for my speech to improve before going to graduate school or taking a job as a professor, I don't think that my speech never would have improved, thus, I never would have achieved what I have today.
And by the way, you don't have to be fluent to be a clinician. If someone told you that, then they are wrong. Whether you stutter or not doesn't determine whether you are a good communicator.
So don't be so hard on yourself, stop pitying yourself, and continue moving forward. And find other stutterers who will understand and be willing to help you. You are not alone. |
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