Cheryl,
It was JFK, or more probably his speech writer, who wrote "we need men (and presumably women) who can dream of things that never were..."
All of us, to varying degrees, have been molded by out stutter and the effect the accompanying embarrassment, frustration and indeed pain has created during our formative years. We've also been molded by our parents, the environment we've grown up in etc.
Like you - and also at around your age - I cursed God (which is odd as I'm an atheist) for playing this practical joke on me. Maybe I was lucky but I also had a mother who taught her five children they could soar as high as they wanted to and that only our fear of falling would hold us back.
I believe I am the best - sounds egotistical, I know - but unless you believe in yourself and your abilities then who else is going to? I like to lead, not be led, and so when I was offered my first managerial position at twenty-five I grabbed it with both hands. And yes, in my darker moments I worried whether my stutter would hold me back but on the outside I was confident and pushy and made sure those following believed that I knew the right path.
I was serious about using a psychologist, rather than a therapist or a fluency program. It was interesting reading your posts after you completed the McGuire program and comparing them with your recent posts. What's changed? Why did you seem on a high when you completed the course but several months later appear to have slipped back into old habits? I've not done the course - and never will - but believe if you did an assertiveness course, rather than a fluency, breathing course, the benefits - particularly longer term - would be far greater.
Confidence and a belief in one's self is the secret to controlling and overcoming the fear the stutter creates within all of us. Forget about attaining full fluency because it's not going to happen - at least not long term - and concentrate instead on building self confidence, self esteem, a belief in you and your innate talents. You're well educated, verbally, if not orally, articulate and can think out of the box. And yes, it would be nice if you were also fluent but you're not and the sooner you come to terms with that you can begin to work on the talents you have and mold your personality around them.
Stephen Hawkins is trapped inside a useless body, can't speak without a machine, can't eat or go to the toilet without a nurse but some would argue he's our generation's Einstein. Focus on the talents you have and face the world head on.
I often leave the house with this thought in my head "Yes, I stutter but so what? You're ugly (or stupid, uneducated etc.) but you face the world each day, so I'm going to face it each day with my dis fluency."
Try and forget about the negativity and concentrate on all the pluses and dream of things that never were!
Jon
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