鱼 和 熊 掌 (2)


"I'll be a wife and mother first, then First Lady." by Jacqueline Kennedy

A meaningful, yet , emotionally charged response to my previous post “潘多拉魔盒” prompted me to take a closer look at the question "Why should a women pursue higher education and acquire special knowledge or training in various areas if she would appealingly end up as home-bound wife ? The premise of this question implies that it might be a waste of time and efforts as a woman’s career is taken out of the equation . Could it be true ? It would depend upon whom you would ask and what data would be used to prove it. I understand that this is a very provocative issue. Gaining consensus is almost impossible given tons of variables there. But my attempt here is to present my thoughts in front of readers and let them to draw their own conclusions.

The first part of my series of “ 鱼 和 熊 掌” indicated that a career-bound woman apparently is well-educated, well-informed, articulate and ambitious. So what is wrong with these good attributes of a woman? Nothing is wrong until it comes to relationship and marriage. In fact, the more successful the women are in career the more risks it may expose in relationship. Several social science studies published so far have raise eyebrows for this interesting phenomena.

To demonstrate my point, I’d like to invite you to create mental pictures in your mind;

Imaging this; a highly successful career woman who worked long hours comes home, exhausted and depleted physically and emotionally only finds out that her other half is also tired and hungry in many levels and his day is not over since he has brought some work home. Do you see what I'd have seen?

Now, Picture another scene; it is 9:00 AM an intelligent and highly educated woman with a cup of home brewed cappuccino coffee at her hand just completed a diner reservation for two on the phone while responding an email from her interior designer regarding the furniture selection for her living room on her laptop. Her cell-phone rings it is her friend who is asking her if she can finalize her fundraising plan for children in poverty-stricken medicine-scarce African countries before execution takes place.

Of cause, both scenes above are hypothesis, but endings seem to be obviously miles apart.

My own opinion is that high education and professional training received by women would never be wasted when she chooses to stay at home. The main reason is that the knowledge learned and accumulated from her education would allow her to appreciate the beauties of life surrounding her; to enhance her senses to enjoy her marriage and family, to enlighten her heart further to open for literature, art, music, history ……and other heritages from mankind. Foremost, she can leverage what she learned and learns to assist her husband, guide her children and advocate worthy causes for the community. In the end she would have more time for herself and become more satisfied in marriage overall than her counterparts who sink deep in the careers.

I have to admit my thinking of women's role is not always this way. It was only after I came to USA and my reading interests expanded much wider. There was one woman and her story reshaped my views about women with great education and fulfilling home life. Her name is Jacqueline Kennedy, wife of formal President John Kennedy. Jacqueline was well versed on many things; she spoke French, Spanish, and Italian fluently. As first lady her passion for fine arts and literature helped her husband to redefine his presidency and inspire an attention to culture never before evident at a national level. For instance, she established a fine arts committee to oversee and fund White House restoration. She transformed White House into an exquisite showcase for American arts. Most people know her legendary social grace at State Fairs, but very few people knew that she was a very skillful project manager and managed high profile artists and designers such as Parish, du Pont, and Boudin seamlessly. Don't forget those guys with very strong egos were all have their own private agenda. They were not easy to deal with in first place. Yet, she pulled off the project successfully. It was incredible even using today's management standards. Further, as a mother she did a fine job to protect her children from the press and give them a normal childhood. She defined her major role as "to take care of the President" and added that "if you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do well matters very much."

I'd like to share some her words;

"I think the best thing I can do is to be a distraction. A husband lives and breathes his work all day long. If he comes home to more table thumping, how can the poor man ever relax?"

"Even though people may be well known, they hold in their hearts the emotions of a simple person for the moments that are the most important of those we know on earth: birth, marriage and death."

"There are two kinds of women, those who want power in the world and those who want power in bed."

Many people may say, this happened in long time ago and there should be no bearing for our discussion here. I’d agree that things have changed a lot since J acqueline Kennedy’s era. But many things in our life works like this; the more changes we have the more stay the same. My thought is that receiving higher education and staying home should not be mutually exclusive for a woman rather complimentary and it would be ideal for relationship, marriage and family provided the financial situation of a family is stable.

Note: The title “人 间 天 上 两 心 知” comes from 韦庄的 

          思帝乡

云髻 坠，凤钗垂。
髻 坠钗垂无力，枕函欹。
翡翠 屏深月落，漏依依。
说尽人间天 上，两心知。