Two guys go ice fishing. They get their small axes out of their backpacks and begin furiously striking at the ice. A few minutes later they hear a deep voice from above: " There's no fish under that ice."
The two guys are surprised; they look around and when they see no one nearby, they continue their work with the ax. A few minutes later they again hear the deep voice from above: "There's no fish under the ice!"
Now the two are bewildered because when they look around, there's no one in sight.
So they resume axing the ice at an even more furious pace. And once again they hear the deep voice from above: "There's no fish under the ice!"
Now totally frustrated and scared, one of the guys shouts back: "Who is there? Who is talking to us...?"
And the deep voice from above said: "This is the Arena Manager speaking.....!"
On the sixth day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-looking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon."
God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth."
"But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?"
"Not really," replied God, "just wait and see the neighbours I am going to give them."
In a train car there were a Canadian, an American, a spectacular looking blonde and a frightfully awful looking fat lady. After several minutes of the trip the train happens to pass through a dark tunnel, and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel, the American had a big red slap mark on his cheek.
The blonde thought “That American son of a [female dog] wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who in turn must have slapped his face.”
The fat lady thought “That dirty old American laid his hands on the blonde and she smacked him.”
The American thought “That damn Canadian put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me.”
The Canadian thought “I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack that stupid American again.”
A man from Ontario wanted to become a Newfie. He went to the neurosurgeon and asked, "Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into a Newfie?".
"Sure it's easy." replied the neurosurgeon. "All I have to do is cut out 1/3 of your brain, and you'll be a Newfie."
The man from Ontario was very pleased, and immediately underwent the operation.
However, the neurosurgeon's knife slipped, and instead of cutting 1/3 of the patient's brain, the surgeon accidentally cut out 2/3 of the patient's brain. He was terribly remorseful, and waited impatiently beside the patient's bed as the patient recovered from the anesthetic.
As soon as the patient was conscious, the neurosurgeon said to him "I'm terribly sorry, but there was a ghastly accident. Instead of cutting out 1/3 of your brain, I accidentally cut out 2/3 of your brain."
The patient replied "Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur?"
【"Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur? 用法文（意指魁北克人）说：what did you say, sir?】 当然这类笑话都只能在私下讲讲，不然会冒犯魁北克或者纽芬兰人 ：-）。
You know you're Canadian when…
好了，谢谢大家来访，It was fun, eh?