告别耶鲁总是很难-中美文化之不同

我不仅进了Branford学院，还闯进了隔壁的另一个学院，从那里拍摄钟塔的角度真是绝了，所以我在手机沒电后，牺牲二十分钟的时间充电再取景也很值。我以前曾经进去过，但是记不住名字了，便问了在那里拍照的一家中国人，才回忆起这住宿学院为Saybrook。他们为耶鲁的非本科生家庭，也是被这里的风景吸引来拍照的，耶鲁住宿学院的建筑、庭院和格局使你举手就有取景的冲动，太漂亮了。

从人文方面看问题，我几乎能从是否愿意与我交谈，判断出这家中国人是从美国其他州来的，还是来自中国大陆。大陆来的通常不愿意与我这陌生人深谈，点到为止，充满戒备的样子。这种情形我在挪威也见到过，当时有位中国老人在挪威景区排队买东西，在他的前后都是白人，唯独轮到他却因语言不通被挪威人训斥，完全就是种族歧视。我在旁边实在看不下去，主动去帮那大陆来的老人并与挪威人干仗，可是那老人却以质疑的眼光打量我，似乎我有什么其他企图似的。在耶鲁参观的这家中国人对耶鲁并不熟悉，与我交谈，我会介绍给他们很多关于耶鲁的知识，最现实的是哪里为取景的最佳位置，但是那妈妈的脸部语言几乎是在对我说：“我们在这里关你什么事？”。这样我也就不说话了，我何苦自找沒趣呢？

反观那美国芝加哥男孩，不出几句就把他的名字、来源和耶鲁毕业班等信息全部告诉我了，我也向他展示ID。我手机沒电时，装篷子的美国工人马上借我充电线和插座，他们则去忙着干活，对我充满信任。这是我观察出的中美文化的差异，当然我不怪这些从大陆刚来西方世界的同胞，如果我是来自一个人整人，人防人的社会，一个随时存在告密的环境，我也会选择不随便相信生人的。比较遗憾的是，据说这种势头在故土近期有所回潮，现代大数据时代更加有利于监控个人的一切。我们在美国抚养大的孩子，都显得特别地傻，就像傻的美国佬，但是我那天见到的美国公司主管们可是聪明得很啰。

另一层面的分析，我想把这些行为的不同归于东西方文化的差异。我们是内敛的文化，到美国后也成为所谓从不抱怨的模范的少数民族。可是西方人从古就是奔放的，直率的，初次见面他们就把手伸过去与客人握手，而我们古代不是，我们是双手握成团状相互结拜和祝福。也就是说，西方人相互握手，我们的古人是握自己的手。我们不去与对方的躯体接触，就是孩子长大与父母拥抱的机会都很少。在谈判桌上，中国人也是令西方人摸不清Yes与No, 当然英文里的否定式反问句也令中国人头痛。西方人很难读懂中国人脸上神秘的微笑，这次贸易谈判至少美国人认为天朝要求推倒重来。丹麦人还告诉我，每次与中国人谈生意都是见到的中国女性，使他狠话都不敢说，西方基本上是男人说了算。但是我想告诉美国华裔家长的是，应该把小中男培养成顶天立地的男子汉，他们在西方社会是拿主意的人。

[兵团农工]

很好。

[nightrider]

@rty:

Do not tell me girls do not enjoy being and expect to be looked at. Anyone denying that is either a hypocrite or lying.

[nightrider]

@rty:

The mainland Chinese press too physically close to others when conversing because they are used to not having personal space, with the authorities free to rummage through their personal affairs. The Westerners keep certain distance since they respect individual personal space. This respect is reflected in the foundations of free market capitalism, the sanctity of private properties and contractual agreement. That is precisely why the Chinese have never learnt to practice the free market capitalism, but rather the evil perversion of it, the state capitalism, with a special disdain for both private properties and contracts. This distain has precipitated over so many decades and has turned American hospitality into fury.

As for construction workers staring at pretty women, it is only human. Only the hypocritical left socialists try to stifle free expression and turn all men into sexless eunuchs. 窈窕淑女，君子好逑。The Chinese (men) are so emasculated since childhood to suppress their true emotions and desires that when they grow up into men, they have lost their sexual instinct and are at a loss at how to chase and seduce women.

[rty]

I was working in Temple medical center for a few years and Fidelity building before that. That is, I was not a student so my opinion and viewpoint is very different from you. But I also worked with a few Yale professors and their PhD students.

You see workers helping you charging battery, I see workers fantasized passing pretty girls , yep, they stopped working and looked at the girl for a very long time. You see the suspicious Chinese visitors, I see the eager Chinese visitors asking for help. Interesting, right?

[rty]

Ha, a German girl said the opposite. She got this impression because when Asian people talk to you, they are very near you. When western people talk to you, they kept distance because they are afraid you might stab them. This habit stems from ancient times when keeping distance is a necessity to survive.

[雅美之途]

回复 'nightrider' 的评论 : You are welcome and thank you for your forceful comments!

[nightrider]

The sights of the splendid archways give me shivers of deja vu. Thank you for your gorgeous photos.

[nightrider]

@MoatCity:

The blogger is friendly and talks to everyone, the Chicago boy, the laborers, not just the Chinese. That is precisely the source of his comparison and his conclusion. You, on the other hand, fits precisely the mode of Chinese the blogger is depicting: suspicious, nervous, paranoid and with a chip on his shoulder, states of psychosis all rooted in the deeply seated insecurity.

[MoatCity]

你也许在国外太孤独了，见了和你长的相近的人就上去套近乎交朋友?