Regrets, when looking back through age's eyes...

I couldn't help crying when I got to know there will be only half year’s life to her. I never keep a good term with her, so far, never. However, I can't drive away the tears from my eyes. 

She to me is just like some annoying sounds in my busy life, like some shadow existing somewhere. In that way, we haven't seen each other for almost 9 years. Seldom, I have an honor to talk to her , my mother-in-law, via phone, just being so scared that one wrong word would ignite her anger and make her to recite what I said in the following donkey years. I felt lucky that I don't have to face her every day. With this thought, time has eaten up the past 9 years.

We ignore her, unconscious purposely. We are busy in the course of our own living. Till that night, we were shocked to be informed that she tried to suicide herself. Too much doubts in our brain, what will drive a 75 years old lady to go for suicide? Now,  I just get to know the reason is the unbearable pain from breast cancer.

 

Ask, ask myself, what I have missed in my life, what ignorance we've done but brought regrets...

 

I love history, adore the spirit mingling sadness and pride with thousands years' history lingering in the antiquities. Antiquity, records down the endeavors from our vanished ancestors on how to strive for eternity. Eternity, they managed to make it, through the languages of the building and inscription, however, where are they, where are the maker of those wonders, where are those dreamers for eternity? Only their dream itself has been left behind over the years' toils to expose unhiddenly in front of our eyes. 

Life means being living in a defined time frame. That Time Frame, somebody calls it as fate. Everyone has own time frame, no wonder how heavy your brain or pocket carrying with, no wonder how good or bad being evaluated by others. May I ask: are you happy, have you tried the best to make your wishes come true, do you have regrets, are we unconsciously making another regrets which may be carried in the rest time frame?

Night, wrapped with trickling rain and deep darkness, with the sound of drums from far away celebrating the coming Lunar New Year, I feel regretted, regret I haven't overcome my weakness to make her happier. However, what feeling will be when one day I also an old trembling lady lying in the couch, looking back through age's eyes?

 

Pondering...