陇山陇西郡
宁静纯我心 感得事物人 写朴实清新. 闲书闲话养闲心,闲笔闲写记闲人;人生无虞懂珍惜，以沫相濡字字真。
异族婚姻仍然诽谤性丑闻？
最重要的是，经仔细检查，异族通婚率表明，美国仍是远色盲的社会。正如皮尤研究中心在2012年的一项研究解释，仔细检查有沿着性别，地域，教育和班线的差异。在2010年，26％的黑人和36％的亚洲女性（去年同期为9％的黑人妇女和17％的亚洲男性）结婚种族之外。百分之二十二的异族通婚发生在西海岸相比，有14％在南方。
此外，42％的白人男性/亚洲妇女已婚夫妇都上了大学，比白人/西班牙裔已婚夫妇的20％和17％的白人/黑色已婚夫妇。盈利一看还揭示了种族和性别的差异：，白人/亚洲妇女夫妇的合并收入中位数是70952美元，白人/黑人已婚夫妇相比53187美元。
26％的黑人男子，而只有9％的黑人妇女外嫁他们的种族。
26 percent of black men while only 9 percent of black women marry outside of their race.
Crucially, upon closer examination, the interracial marriage rates demonstrate that America is still far from a colorblind society. As Pew explained in a 2012 study, on closer inspection there are differences along gender, geography, education and class lines. In 2010, 26 percent of black men and 36 percent of Asian women (compared with 9 percent of black women and 17 percent of Asian men) marry outside of their races. Twenty-two percent of interracial marriages took place in the West, compared with 14 percent in the South.
Additionally, 42 percent of white men/Asian women married couples both went to college, compared with 20 percent of white/Hispanic married couples and 17 percent of white/black married couples. A look at earnings also reveals racial and gender differences: the median combined income of white/Asian couples is $70,952, compared with $53,187 for white/black married couples.
Is Interracial Marriage Still Scandalous?
DEBATERS
· 
The Myth of Rarity
These entirely normal couplings forever face a presumption of illegitimacy or sexualization. Couples get used to hearing, "How did you meet?"
· 
We Can’t Just Wait for Bias to Disappear
The hardest opposition may fade as generations pass on, but income and wealth inequality will silently maintain the racial boundaries.
· 
It’s O.K. to Be Intrigued
Colorblind love doesn't mean you don’t talk about race. It means you talk about it more.
· 
Parents Pass the Bias Along to Their Kids
Behind closed doors, too many moms and dads will still say: you can’t marry "one of them."
· 
A Complex Map, but Still Divided
We aren't colorblind. Many relationships are still constrained by class and race divisions.
INTRODUCTION
Bettmann/CorbisMildred and Richard Loving’s marriage was vindicated by the Supreme Court in 1967.
This month marks almost 50 years since the Supreme Court case of Loving v. Virginia, which made interracial marriage legal nationwide. Marriages between people of different races have climbed since, to a high of 8.4 percent in 2010.
Does this mean that we have achieved a colorblind society, or just that the hate has moved to YouTube? In an age when white people arebecoming a minority, is interracial marriage still scandalous?
Kevin Noble Maillard, a professor of law at Syracuse University, suggested this discussion.
The Myth of Rarity
Kevin Noble Maillard is a law professor at Syracuse University and the co-editor of "Loving v. Virginia in a Post-Racial World: Rethinking Race, Sex and Marriage." He is on Twitter.
JUNE 13, 2013
Interracial relationships are scandalous because people still believe them to be rare, even when we are all surrounded by them. These entirely normal couplings forever face a presumption of illegitimacy or sexualization that harks back to an era where miscegenation was illegal. In all reality, mixed race is an entirely American story, but we still see it as a mission impossible.
Every interracial couple in the history of interracial couples knows this scenario: At a party, they strike up a conversation with another guest. Introductions made, commonalities identified, drinks refilled. It’s just a matter of time before the inevitable question: “How did you two meet?”
These entirely normal couplings forever face a presumption of illegitimacy or sexualization. Couples get used to hearing, 'How did you meet?'
No sinister subtext here. No protest. Just curiosity, because a boring story (“mutual friends” or “same dorm”) is not enough. Surely, there must be adversity in the tale of an interracial couple.
It’s quite different from asking a married white couple about their meet cute. Unless one person is much older, richer or better looking than the other, there is no hidden meaning. It is what it is. But when the people are different races, the subtext is, “it’s so fascinating that you are together.”
People want to know because it seems improbable. The deep assumptions of racial difference add a layer of unspoken complex questions: Do your parents approve? What do your friends think? What will your children look like? Sure, this cloud of questions could be entirely exploratory and innocuous, but it underscores the point that people believe mixed race to be an anomaly rather than a norm.
Mixed relationships are sexualized, where everything mundane and normal is forgotten in the wake of the erotic. They are scandalous because we don’t think about what the couple does during the day. We think about what they do at night. White men can jump, if they date a black woman. Everyone is happy in the world of Suzie Wong. Once someone has jungle fever, they’re never going back.
Of course, race mixing is an abomination (at least in public) to the usual suspects: nostalgic Dixiecrats, Internet trolls and extras from “Deliverance.” It’s a long, grossly unyielding battle. But it’s harder to assess the opinions of the “normal” mainstream, where overt discrimination is shunned. This is the majority that swears by colorblindness and equality but can’t stop staring at mixed couples. The individuals are eclipsed by the assumptions about them.
So perhaps the inevitable party question deserves a gratifying and expected answer. The next time a mixed couple is asked “how did you meet,” they should respond: “Craigslist.”
Join Room for Debate on Facebook and follow updates ontwitter.com/roomfordebate.
Topics: Culture, marriage, race, racism
PREVIOUSA Complex Map, but Still DividedROSE CUISON VILLAZORNEXTWe Can't Just Wait for Bias to DisappearGARY B. NASH
Share your thoughts.
· ALL
1. 
o Linda
o Oklahoma
o Verified
It's different in big cities and in towns with big colleges. When I lived in a very small town in the Mississippi Delta, one of my co-workers got livid everytime she saw a interracial couple walking down the street. She would slam the palm of her hand on her desk and say, "Bluebirds and redbirds don't mix and neither should black people and white people!" This was only a couple of years ago, not some other decade. Since I had lived in a college town in Oklahoma, I had seen black and white people together for decades. When I would hear a racist remark in Mississippi, I'm think, "I'm glad OK isn't that bad." I taught in a community college in Oklahoma City and nobody thought anything of interracial dating and marriage.
Then I moved to a very small town in Oklahoma. And it IS as bad as it was in the Delta. Small towns seem to lag behind in everything, fashion, arts, politics, accepting anyone who is different ,and sadly, ideas about race.
o Hans Christian Brando
o Los Angeles
One of the truly remarkable things about "I Love Lucy" is its--considering we're talking 60 years ago--matter-of-fact portrayal of what was then called a mixed marriage. (Anthropologically speaking, the term "interracial" does not strictly apply, so let's say cross-cultural.) In those days, it was perfectly all right for a white woman to fantasize about Latin lovers, but my goodness, you didn't marry one! But the rest of the cast took it in its stride; in fact, it was noticed that the studio audience got uncomfortable if anybody but Lucy made fun of Ricky's English.
You could do it today (if only you had the writers), but not in, say, the '70s or '80s. At least one character--Fred Mertz, perhaps, or Mrs. Trumble--would have to object to the marriage and try to make trouble; Little Ricky would face taunts of unkind classmates for being a "mixed" child; Oprah would have to come down from the sky and deliver a sermon on brotherhood and tolerance.
o RECOMMENDED1
o Some Tired Old Liberal
o Louisiana
I'm going to argue a hard-line liberal point of view here: that race itself is a racist concept, a product of human culture and not of nature. As soon as we put people into categories, by skin color or otherwise, then it becomes necessary to observe whether they stay there. But human culture is arguably a product of nature, so we're back to Square One. Most of us are born with minds that gloss, categorize, discriminate. One would hope that the law can rise above all this, but informal social interaction will continue to be flawed, which is a side effect of living in a free society.
o RECOMMENDED3
o stanley
o bedford indiana
I have dated interracialy, married interacialy, the big diference is one of class not race. To cling to the idea that race is the defining aspect of ones self or that this is the thing that society defines you as is self defeating at best.
o RECOMMENDED3
o nemecl
o Big Bear, CA
Definitely not scandalous but, perhaps, more difficult to sustain for some 50 years than a single race marriage. Or is it the other way around? I have no idea.
My black same sex partners gave me very little info about that except a few English words I did not know before I met them.
o judith
o SF Bay Area
I'm married to my husband for over 30 years. He's black and Jamaican. I'm white and Jewish. Are there cultural differences? Sure! But our values are the same: love of family, emphasis on education, liberal politics, and so on. We have 3 beautiful grown sons and, so far, two grandchildren.
o RECOMMENDED5
o missmsry
o Corpus Christi
My husband and I are both Anglo, and people are shocked when they find out we met during a murder trial. Every marriage has two people who met somehow. It's a normal question.
o RECOMMENDED6
o EH
o Texas
I like how did you meet stories. It doesn't matter if its mundane- we were next door neighbors, we sat next to each other in English lit or something romantic. I enjoy them. Your presumption that race has anything to do with the question is assuming racism where none may be meant. Sharing history is part of getting to know people.
Asking at first meeting my be a bit much but talking about personal/family history among friends is not
o RECOMMENDED11
o prestochas
o sarasota, fl
Science:The real myth here is RACE. There is only one human race.
What there is: MELANIN, and physical variations among hominids.
COLORATION is the subject. And this derives from political and religious power.
If man survives he will mature and get past his ignorance.
If not, 'bye all.
chas
o RECOMMENDED3
o Stephanie
o Ithaca
I think that's one of those questions on my small talk cue cards. Like, "what do you do for a living?" or "seen any good movies recently?" Rarely is one asking because you expect someone to have done something remarkable; rather, one is fulfilling an unspoken social contract known as conversation or showing interest in the people you are politely drinking the free white wine with at the company/school/organization-sponsored holiday party or BBQ.
Craigslist, btw, is a perfectly acceptable place to gain pets, friends, volunteering time, free furniture, apartments, jobs, hay, homegrown fruit, etc.... so why not a spouse?
But it may be a generational thing, as other commentators noted.
o RECOMMENDED4
o Jon
o Boston
And from 'how did you meet?', it's a short stop to 'and what does your family think?' We are mixed race couple married nearly 30 years & my mother, who grew up white on a tobacco farm in Ky, had some adjusting to do. She started the trend though..married a Catholic from Cincinnati and my Methodist grandfather refused to walk her down the Papist aisle. Every generation including this one can find something to kvetch about (this last from my brother in law...my sister brought home a Yiddish speaking Jewish guy from Brooklyn and Mom had some more adjusting to do). Turned out OK. One son-in-law was holding her hand when she died and the other eulogized her.
o RECOMMENDED5
o eyes open
o Setauket, NY
Mr. Maillard,
I know our perspectives must be different, as I am a "white" woman married to a "white" man. But my husband & I are always asked, in conversations, "how did you meet?" We are not different in age, etc. Been married for over 30 years, but are in our mid-50s. Being a young married couple in NYC from the Deep South during the early 1980's was uncommon to the point of being rare. People who ask these cocktail party questions are often just intrigued; they show the very human trait of curiosity. People love stories; hearing those of others is the most natural form of learning. I am puzzled by your paragraph which begins "mixed race relationships are sexualized, where everything mundane & normal is forgotten in the wake of the erotic." Aren't all members subject to interest/curiosity of their community? Yes, I bet couples, whether of different skin tones, same-sex, or people who dress in an unconventional way, or make otherwise unconventional choices attract notice, maybe, questions. But curiosity is a human trait, not to be stigmatized but celebrated. When we are asked "how did you meet?" We say "high school, & our first date was senior prom." Their subtext/fantasies, why does it matter? People see a happy couple & want to hear the story. What would you prefer as party conversation among people who have just met? Jobs, politics, religion? Try being spat at by your local grocer in Inwood, 1982 due to having a MS DL to back up your Traveler's ck. Reality.
o RECOMMENDED4
o no name
o New England
I did not realize that the question "how did you two meet" was code for racial bias. Silly me - I thought people were just curious. I have been married to an Asian for well over 40 years - but now I know - all those folks who I thought were really interested in us were just exercising their prejudice. Yes it was unusual at the time we married but our families and friends seemed to be fine with it. And indeed black/white intermarriage was much more difficult and in fact illegal in some states then. I realize that. We got our share of nasty looks and questions when we lived in the south.
Perhaps I am just stupid- but frankly I think too much can be read into a question about how a couple met.
o RECOMMENDED8
o Edward Sevume
o Stockholm
You reminded me of the colonialists - white men who prevented the white women from mingling with the locals while they treated themselves to local women and had children with them! Is it not the same story on those slave keeping farms where the master (a white male) had unlimited services of black women slaves while at the same time setting the agenda for the white woman? It is not an issue of race, no, no, no! It is a gender issue and the agenda setter has always been a white man of gray hair! He is now in his 50ies and 60ies! Probably 70 and I can here the spasms of the body!
o RECOMMENDED1
o Kelly McKee
o Reno, NV
I have also been noticing a change in attitudes over the last 20 years. Much of the change in behavior seems to be arising from a rather one-sided social media blitz.
For example, it is scientifically implausible that the 30,000 to 100,000 years of genetic evolution on separate continents that led to the continental races would stop at the surface of the skin, and not progress inward to the central nervous system. But many repeat over and over this notion of skin color being the only difference between races in an almost brainwashed fashion.
In genetics, in 2012, a study found that the 90% of human chromosome formerly thought to be 'junk DNA' actually does carry more complex than previously thought imprinted genetic information that may transmit instincts to offspring. The science of the human genome may need 150 years, from THIS time, to fully understand human genetics. However, to understand race more fully takes a complete adding together of the fields of genetics, biology, sociology, anthropology, archaeology, history, political science... and more!
Genetics on race is a bit like asking, what can you tell me about wood if I only give you an electron microscope and no other view? But science must unflinchingly and objectively keep studying these subjects, never stopping long with only one observation. And so, we don't really know as much as some portend.
So, don't forget that while some may wish to racially intermix, the vast majority never did, and never will...
o RECOMMENDED1
o Robin Miller
o Bradenton, Florida
All the couples in my house (one) are interracial. What about it? Solomon grabbed an African girl. I wen to W. Baltimore. Lots closer. That was over 20 years ago.
Oh - we met in a Bob'sBig Boy coffee shop.
o RECOMMENDED4
o Padman
o Boston
o Verified
A professor of sociology once commented " Interracial marriages and their approval is increasing terribly fast. If you have hang-ups about inter racial marriages, get over it. The train has left the station". In the 1960s the slogan was "Black is beautiful" and now " Biracial or multiracial is beautiful". According a Pew Center poll, 63% of the respondents say inter racial marriages are good because they help break down racial barriers while 26% say it is bad because mixing races reduces the special talents and gifts of each individual race. Inspite of the increased acceptance rate of inter racial marriages by the general public, still the Census bureau has not added " a multi racial category"to the census. Increasingly, many Americans find they don't easily fit into any racial group.
o RECOMMENDED1
o Pat f
o Brookline am
My daughter is married to an 'African-American' man.
His mother is from Jamica and his dad from Conneticut.
They have two beautiful kids.
They met in college like thousands of other couples.
Yes
There are many bigots and racists in this world
But
My sweet smart handsome grandchildren prove
the bigots' fears,lies, and ugliness are
Irrelevant in the coming decades.
o RECOMMENDED7
o alice murzyn
o chicago, il
My wife and I are of those couples which you write about. I don't recognize ourselves in this bleak, cynical caricature. To site just one silliness, "extras from Deliverance" is used as a support for the thesis. The writer's stereotypes are hiding the complexity of this matter.
o RECOMMENDED9
o Roger
o Milwaukee
"Interracial relationships are scandalous because people still believe them to be rare, even when we are all surrounded by them."
I wouldn't say we are "surrounded" by them -- it seems to me they are uncommon, but not rare. Occasional, perhaps.
It seems to me that blacks and whites have distinctly different cultures in the United States, and that is bound to remain an obstacle to mixed relationships for some time. A large number of people are simply going to be more comfortable being with someone who shares similar life experiences, interests, musical tastes, cuisine, and so on.
o RECOMMENDED8
o Sarah
o New Zealand
I can only hope that this is exaggeration for effect, and not a true reflection of American social attitudes or the writer's neuroses. My boyfriend and I are both white and around the same age, and we often get asked how we met. To assume the motivations for asking would be different if we were mixed-race seems a little far-fetched. Should people avoid asking mixed-race couples the same questions they would ask any other couple?
I have to admit that I generally assume someone's partner will be the same race as them until I meet them. That assumption isn't conscious or based on any normative view - I only notice it at all when it's proved incorrect. And when that happens, I give myself a mental slap on the hand for making foolish assumptions and proceed as I would with any other couple. I would hope most people do the same.
o RECOMMENDED8
4.
§ carol goldstein
§ new york
§ Verified
The difference may be that we (me white, him mixed-race presenting as black) are still being asked this question in our 50's and 60's. But for us it's a fun story (his first job out of college more than a few years ago was working for me but we weren't a couple until almost 20 years after that) so it's a good ice-breaker question that we do not mind.
§ RECOMMENDED2
o bruce
o nara, japan
NOT being completely honest with this, i think. the problem appears mostly, really, marriages between blacks and whites. i married a japanese woman (not nisei, japanese) and we split our time between canada and japan. got stares in japan; nothing in canada. not even a blink. also, if you spend any time in france--or at least around paris--you'll see many more black women with with white men than you do in the states or, probably, canada too.
o RECOMMENDED6
o steve hunter
o seattle
Kevin you sound as if you have a bit of a chip on your shoulder. Couples get asked how they met frequently. It is called curiosity. "People want to know because it seems improbable", perhaps to some but fascinating to others. An inquiring mind can't help but wonder for example how the couple may deal with the "nostalgic Dixiecrats, Internet trolls and extras from “Deliverance"". They might also be interested in how it has enriched their personal lives as a couple and individually.
So as the trite expression goes, get over Kevin. If you want to talk about people viewing a couple or a marriage as an abomination, ask a gay or lesbian couple. They don't even need to find a Dixiecrat to hear that. They can hear it from "men of God" who stand in pulpits every Sunday. All things take time for society to adjust and I think that after 46 years of legal interracial marriage, from most of us it gets a yawn.
o RECOMMENDED14
o Mixed Family
o NY
I think you are way behind the times. I am in a mixed race marriage and many of my contemporaries (late 20s early 30s) are as well. People who grew up never knowing a time when mixed race marriage was illegal, don't see things through this lens. When people ask how my wife and I met, they just want to know how we met. Stop looking for race issues where there are none. We have a child who does not neatly fit into any race, and hopefully as more of us interracial couples have kids and lines blur, and more people have family connections to multiple races, this whole conversation can end.
o RECOMMENDED15
o carol goldstein
o new york
o Verified
As the white half of a mixed couple (he is a zebra who presents as black), I have to say we rarely attract notice these days in NYC, but when we go other places in the US we do sometimes get stares. What his parents went through when they married in the early 1950s I do not like to dwell on. He does not know his parents' siblings from either side of the family. One of his white mother's aunts and her daughter kept in contact. None of his black father's family were present enough to be told of his father's funeral. And this is reputedly because they thought that he had married beneath himself, his wife being older and (shudder) fatherless. As a society we have come a long way and we have a fair distance to go.
o RECOMMENDED10
We Can’t Just Wait for Bias to Disappear
Gary B. Nash, a professor of history at the University of California, Los Angeles and the director of the National Center for History in the Schools, is the author of "Forbidden Love: The Hidden History of Mixed-Race America."
JUNE 13, 2013
Although the tide of American sentiment is shifting toward viewing skin color and “race” as irrelevant to love and marriage, tidepools of old-fashioned racism certainly remain.
Nearly two centuries ago, the abolitionist William Lloyd Garrison wrote:
The standard of matrimony is erected by affection and purity, and does not depend upon the height, or bulk, or color, or wealth, or poverty of individuals. Water will seek its level; nature will have free course; and heart will answer to heart.
The hardest opposition may fade as generations pass on, but income and wealth inequality will silently maintain the racial boundaries.
It has taken a long time (and generations of heartbreak and violence) to get close to what Garrison hoped would be the commonly accepted view. We are far from the finish line. Racial fissures continue to accompany racial fusion. They may even have increased since the election and re-election of Barack Obama as our president.
The sight of a biracial man in the White House hasrekindled racial antipathy, which can be seen on full display in scores of hate-filled Web sites. This has made it more difficult in most parts of the country, not just in the Southern strongholds of racism, for mixed-race couples to escape the barbs — and worse — thrown at them. This is especially true for couples in which a white woman is with a black man.
Part of the opposition to racial mixing is generational, just residue. Gallup has foundthat 95 percent of people 18 to 29 approve of interracial dating, compared with less than half of those 65 and older. If this trend continues, the hardest-line opposition to interracial marriage will wither away as elderly Americans pass on. But the line will not disappear. Income and wealth inequality, the enemies of true color-blindness, will silently maintain the racial boundaries that have afflicted American society for generations.
Join Room for Debate on Facebook and follow updates ontwitter.com/roomfordebate.
Topics: Culture, marriage, race, racism
o Mark E White
o Atlanta
The US is becoming more rigidly stratified by income and class that these effects are beginning to outweigh those of race per se.
The question will soon be, "How sweet that you married a prole. Was he a waiter at the country club?"
o RECOMMENDED4
o pumaporn
o thailand
Class will keep racial issues going--hard to disagree with that truism. But one notices that at UCLA's arts and humanities, where just about everyone is progressive, racial divisions persist--the number of African-American faculty is low, Latinos and Asians continue to be sequestered in areas of study in which their "identity" is part of their work.
o RECOMMENDED2
o Apowell232
o Great Lakes
Prof. Nash, like too many liberal academics, doesn't understand that nothing can be done as long as they support forced hypodescent and the myth of white racial "purity" just because some of their "black" colleagues are devoted to the "one drop" myth.
http://melungeon.ning.com/forum/topics/5th-union-presentation-by-a-d-powell
http://www.interracialvoice.com/editor14.html
http://www.interracialvoice.com/protest.html
http://open.salon.com/blog/mischling/2011/03/09/walter_a_plecker_america...
o RECOMMENDED1
o Chris
o Ivy villiage
You touched just the tip of a much large issue.
Stupidity in American women, as we know, has often been expected and acceptable in American culture, and some women cultivate it because they see it rewarded in popular icons like Jessica Simpson. Female stupidity can make American men feel bigger, better, smarter; and it, in turn, can make many women themselves feel desirable. But what is the appeal of the stupid man, and why does the representation of male stupidity not lead to the same kind of disempowerment many women experience? Stupidity in men has historically been represented in the media as charming naively disarming, and comforting (George W.).
American Male stupidity is, in fact, a new form of machismo, and it comes—perhaps not surprisingly—at a time when alternative masculinities have achieved some small measure of currency. Yesteryear’s swaggering macho is this year’s stumbling, bumbling male; omniscience is replaced by idiocy, irony is replaced by literality. As is often the case, we’ve seen the shift illustrated most boldly in the celebrated films of the past few years.
o RECOMMENDED1
o ernesto
o NYC
I am an older Latin educated male dating an older educated white widow; although I may notice reticent stares of people we meet,I tend to see myself not as a dark skinned outlander rather to my acomplishments which has made this woman place her eyes, and affection on me.
o RECOMMENDED2
o Clara
o Third Rock from the Sun
"This is especially true for couples in which a white woman is with a black man."
But this combo seems to be the most titillating to white men, or why else is it so prevalent in the movies? Never the other way around.
o RECOMMENDED7
o <="" li="" style="font-size: 1em; line-height: 1.5em; background-image: url(http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/bullets/bullet_2x2.png); padding: 0px 0px 0px 8px; margin-bottom: 0px; float: left; margin-right: 5px; text-transform: uppercase; color: rgb(144, 144, 144); display: list-item; background-position: 0% 0.7em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat;">
§
§
o Infinite Observer
o USA
A well argued piece.
o RECOMMENDED4
It’s O.K. to Be Intrigued
Heidi W. Durrow is the author of the novel “The Girl Who Fell From the Sky” and a founder of the Mixed Roots Film & Literary Festival.
JUNE 13, 2013
I’m the product of a marriage that was illegal in 1965 in South Carolina, where my parents planned to wed. So you’d think that would give me some kind of special sensitivity chip, but when I see an interracial couple I can't help but stare. “Tomato at 9 o’clock,” I’ll say to my husband, using our code word when I spot a mixed-race twosome.
Growing up in the ’70s and ’80s, I thought it was a big deal to see interracial couples and families. My father was African-American, and my mother is a white Danish immigrant. I don't know exact numbers, but I'm guessing Afro-Viking households were pretty rare.
Colorblind love doesn't mean you don’t talk about race. It means you talk about it more.
Today, interracial relationships are ubiquitous. Census figures show that interracial marriages are at an all-time high, and the multiracial population is the country's fastest-growing demographic. The interracial unions of the famous are celebrated: think Halle Berry and her fiancé, and Matt Damon and his wife. Even the all-American blond, blue-eyed reality star bachelor Sean Lowe chose a brown-skinned Filipino beauty to be his bride, to the delight of the reality star’s fans.
But today, it’s not enough for interracial couples to be seen; they must also be heard. The racist rants sparked by a Cheerios commercial featuring an interracial marriage show that the ubiquity of interracial couples isn’t enough. Indeed, what was most heartening about the flap over the ad was that the outrage against the hate speech was more vocal and robust than the bigots’ attacks.
Conversations about interracial intimacies haven’t advanced much in the last couple of decades. So it’s time to counteract bigoted views with more than just images – with stories too. Colorblind love doesn't mean you don’t talk about race. It means you talk about it more.
Join Room for Debate on Facebook and follow updates ontwitter.com/roomfordebate.
Topics: Culture, marriage, race, racism
o
karendavidson61
o Arcata, CA
Your book was so well written, many images still are clear in my mind. thanks
o Ed Bloom
o Columbia, SC
"Tomato at 9 o'clock." Good one. My wife and I were married here in S.C. about a decade after your (Ms. Durrow's) parents. We had no problem. Federal law trumped state law. During the time we've been married we've seen a steady increase in the commonality of mixed race couples. Our next door neighbors were interracial and when we moved our new neighbors were as well.
Next time we see them we're going to say at "Tomato at 9'oclock" and giggle like school children. They'll probably have us committed.
o RECOMMENDED1
o David Chowes
o New York City
Sex and marriage between blacks and whites have been legal in all states for 46 years. Now it is quite common to see all races mixed [a "race" is no more than a construct]. Black, white, Asian, .... Pick your groups...
We have so little patience in this country. When do we want a complete change in attitude and behavior? NOW!
What we miss is that most social changes are e v o l u t I o n a r y . We see little differences from one day to another. But, if we use the perspective of say, a decade... Just look at films from Mississippi, Alabama from the 1950's and now we have a black man as President.
From one day to another, we often expect dichotomous differences. Not if we study sociology. Will there always be some separation of the "races," religions, ethnic groups? Yes.Has Obama has an especially difficult presidency due to his race? Yes.
But, everything changes s l o w l y for both good and bad.
o Apowell232
o Great Lakes
It's far more important for mixed-race Caucasians like Heidi Durrow to identify as WHITE and not some lighter variety of "black." Accepting the nonsense that whiteness can be easily destroyed by "drops" of blood only confirms the view of those who preach that interracial marriage leads to "race suicide" for whites.
http://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2013/06/13/is-interracial-marriage-...
o RECOMMENDED1
o NC
o MA
It's surprising, although I wonder how wide spread this kind of racism is. So many shifts in cultural attitudes-from gay marriage to the legalization of marijuana, to the commonly recognized anti-1%.
All of these things were not widely accepted even 10 years ago, certainly not 20 years ago. The times they are a'changin even if it may not always seem like it.
o RECOMMENDED1
o Rich Stenberg
o Louisville KY
Afro-Viking households may be rare, but when I read that comment, two reasonably famous actors who grew up in one came to mind immediately: Toks Olagundoye (The Neighbors) and Amandla Stenberg (Hunger Games).
Parents Pass the Bias Along to Their Kids
Diane Farr, an actress and writer, is the author of “Kissing Outside the Lines.” She is on Twitter.
JUNE 13, 2013
Let’s blame it on the parents. Love is the last area where even educated and progressive parents can still openly teach prejudice at home – which is the only reason interracial marriage is still scandalous.
Few peers of any recent generation give much thought to friends dating outside of their race. However, far too many Americans who dare to love someone of a different racial or cultural background find they will still have to face something unpleasant – ranging from disappointment to being disowned – from those people they loved first, their mothers and fathers.
Behind closed doors, too many moms and dads will still say: you can’t marry 'one of them.'
This includes even a father from a cosmopolitan American city, with a postgraduate degree, who loves and respects someone of a different race at work and might even invite someone of a varying skin tone or eye shape to Thanksgiving dinner but privately will tell his 10-, 20- or even 40-year-old son, “but you can’t marryone of them.”
Which is just what my husband’s father told him when he explained his intentions with me. My husband was born in South Korea, and his parents are educated, well-traveled, Asian professionals who have been American citizens for over 30 years. Yet, straying outside of his race for love was always forbidden for him.
This was problematic, because I am your standard-issue white girl of European descent. Which does not mean that my Caucasian parents were any more accepting of whom their children loved. My family’s prejudices around marriage were just reserved for the more familiar American race war of calling black-white relationships “wrong” or “unfair to the children.”
My husband and I married anyway, with the hard-won support of all our parents when the day finally came. Seven years later we have three biracial children who are beloved by their grandparents, as am I. Because once we as a couple met the multiracial scandal with a united front, the idea of me being “too different” eventually faded away. This leads me to believe that interracial prejudice can be eradicated in one more generation – if today’s parents stop teaching it to our little ones, in subtle or unsubtle ways.
Are you ready for the challenge, moms and dads?
Join Room for Debate on Facebook and follow updates ontwitter.com/roomfordebate.
Topics: Culture, marriage, race, racism
o
Mitch4406
o Dallas TX
I agree whoeheartedly. Parents can pass along their bias. Or tolerance. To do the latter all you have to do is let your children see you interacting with a diverse group of friends, live in a diverse city, attend an integrated church while never ever speaking disparagingly about African-Americans, Asian-Amercans, Latinos, Jews, LGBT and any other social, ethinc or racial group. Pretty easy right. If you do this, try to see the good in people your children will follow your lead.
o RECOMMENDED3
o karendavidson61
o Arcata, CA
I completely agree.
Since my children never heard that from me, my grandchildren have the really right attitude. When describing their friends or cousins in Brooklyn or California, where minorities are the majority, they never mention the color of their skin or any of the catch phrases my mother's generation would have used to indicate "difference". For them, it really doesn't matter.
best wishes !
o RECOMMENDED3
o David
o Flushing
Humans are basically tribal as is the case with other apes. Outsiders are viewed with suspicion. Hostility towards the other tribe is the basis of high school, college, and professional sports rivalries, as well as actual wars. It is always the people in the neighboring state that are the worst drivers, and the list goes on and on.
o RECOMMENDED3
o Andy
o NYC
I always look at these articles with amusement. Advances in biology and genetic engineering are moving so fast that in a hundred years we are going to be seeing the ability to change your appearance or your skin tone. This concerns will seem very quaint in comparison.
Sure, we should teach our kids that such concerns are a waste of time for everyone involved and they should marry whomever they wish but we are tribal animals and there will always be the holdouts.
Science will change all of this in a short order.
o <="" li="" style="font-size: 1em; line-height: 1.5em; background-image: url(http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/bullets/bullet_2x2.png); padding: 0px 0px 0px 8px; margin-bottom: 0px; float: left; margin-right: 5px; text-transform: uppercase; color: rgb(144, 144, 144); display: list-item; background-position: 0% 0.7em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat;">
§
§
o Richard Guha
o Weston, CT
NYT Pick
Since my parents crossed the lines - in 1944 - they always used to believe that race did not matter as long as the person you loved loved you back. I cannot conceive of anything different.
A Complex Map, but Still Divided
Rose Cuison Villazor, a professor of law at the University of California, Davis School of Law, is the co-editor of “Loving v. Virginia in a ‘Post-Racial’ World: Rethinking Race, Sex and Marriage.”
JUNE 13, 2013
Historically, both states and the federal government restricted interracial marriages. For centuries, many states proscribed whites from marrying African-Americans and other nonwhites. Federal immigration laws and military policies also prevented interracial marriages. After World War II, military officials forbade American soldiers to marry foreign women (white soldiers and Japanese women, or black soldiers and white European women). Fortunately, in 1967 the Supreme Court’s decision in Loving v. Virginia struck down antimiscegenation laws, and Congress ultimately lifted racially exclusionary immigration laws that enabled “war brides” to marry American soldiers and immigrate to the U.S.
Against this historical backdrop, it is encouraging to see that more couples are getting married across racial lines. Indeed, if we look at relationships (not just marriages), we see even more interracial couples. A 2012 U.C.L.A. Williams Institute study shows that unmarried same-sex couples and straight couples have higher interracial rates than married couples. Additionally, if we expand our analysis to interracial families – including same-race couples who adopt a different-race child – the number goes higher. Marriage should therefore not be the sole basis of a “post-racial” analysis.
We aren't colorblind. Many relationships are still constrained by class and race divisions.
Crucially, upon closer examination, the interracial marriage rates demonstrate that America is still far from a colorblind society. As Pew explained in a 2012 study, on closer inspection there are differences along gender, geography, education and class lines. In 2010, 26 percent of black men and 36 percent of Asian women (compared with 9 percent of black women and 17 percent of Asian men) marry outside of their races. Twenty-two percent of interracial marriages took place in the West, compared with 14 percent in the South.
Additionally, 42 percent of white men/Asian women married couples both went to college, compared with 20 percent of white/Hispanic married couples and 17 percent of white/black married couples. A look at earnings also reveals racial and gender differences: the median combined income of white/Asian couples is $70,952, compared with $53,187 for white/black married couples.
These differences underscore that we should not be too quick to rely on the increase in interracial marriages as proof that we now live in a “post-racial” society. Instead, the rise in interracial marriages should encourage us to continue to explore the various factors that, shaped by our racial past, continue to limit interracial couples -- who want to or are able to marry -- from saying, "I do."
Join Room for Debate on Facebook and follow updates ontwitter.com/roomfordebate.
Topics: Culture, marriage, race, racism
o <="" li="" style="font-size: 1em; line-height: 1.5em; background-image: url(http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/bullets/bullet_2x2.png); padding: 0px 0px 0px 8px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-right: 5px; text-transform: uppercase; color: rgb(144, 144, 144); display: list-item; background-position: 0% 0.7em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat;">
§
§ Jones
§ San Francisco
We "half-and-half" children are proudly called "Hapa"!
§ John H
§ St. Louis MO
What troubles me here a bit is the lumping of racial differences along with economic class and education as somehow unethical to consider when choosing a spouse. Perhaps there's little left other than infatuation? (Where's the sarcasm smiley?)
§ missmsry
§ Corpus Christi
I think having similar backgrounds make more of a difference than race in love.
§ RECOMMENDED2
§ James Gray
§ Kenosha, WI
It is unfortunate to note the statistic that shows that 26 percent of black men while only 9 percent of black women marry outside of their race. The racial hierarchy in our society is 1.) white men, 2.) white women, closing the gap on white men, 3.) men of color and 4.) women of color. The marriage stats reflect this fact. The elephant in the room that nobody is mentioning in this forum is that women of color as a group, especially those with less education, have the fewest options.
§ RECOMMENDED2
§ Mark E White
§ Atlanta
My interracial marriage showed me the casual nastiness of racism. I took my wife to Legal Seafood in Boston and they denied her entrance because "her shorts were too short." A big fan of Legal, I persuaded her to return the next day, this time in floor length dress. the manager inspected her ostentatiously and pointed out that she was actually wearing floor-length culottes. "We don't allow culottes, only dresses and shorts."
It was only then that I realized what they were doing to my wife.
§ RECOMMENDED4
§ swp
§ Poughkeepsie, NY
Ann Landers regularly recommended that young people never marry outside of their culture. It made life more complicated. I think its sad that this opinion, once mainstream, is considered bigotry today. I also think we are a far less racist society today, because we are far more diverse
I find the biggest racist to be people immigrating into this country. We understand it's confusing and safer to stick to what you know. However, we are especially intolerant of white rural culture and forbid them from sticking to what they know. I think there is more to this question than culture or race. How much can you afford to risk on the learning curve?
If we want a society that is successfully culturally diverse. We need success and fairness first. The diversity happens when we see the most successful people can afford to be diverse.
§ Helen
§ Paris
I do not feel particularly politically correct tonight, so let me dump here a thought about the American society. Something I have convinced myself of during long years of experience of the American way of life. Be prepared, what I say below might be outrageous for you. But it is my thinking … Sorry if you disagree.
I think a good 80%, a strong majority, of American men are jerks in their private,daily lives.
Why do I think that ? After all, I work with Americans day in and day out. I have come to appreciate the easy manners, straight thinking of Americans (both men and women). Most of the Americans I know in the scientific world are extraordinary people. Sure, but these are a very tiny, biased minority. The ones I work with are PhD recipients or will be such soon, are intelligent, open-minded, cultured. I think the male scientists I know do not represent the general category of the American males.
No, what I am talking about are the ordinary Joes who beat their wives, abuse them, betray them, and divorce running away from their duties, leaving kids behind. I see so many of these stories as I get to know more people in the US that I have come to think of it as a normal routine. I have touched with my own hand stories of women that seem the photocopy of one another.
§ Mark Thomason
§ Clawson, MI
§ Verified
My wife of 23 years is Filipina. I have three beautiful children who are half/half.
I have never experienced any unpleasantness from family or anyone else about who I married. My children, two now in college and one in high school, have never mentioned to me any problems. We talk about everything, and they would have said something if this bothered them.
My wife has experienced discrimination. However, that happens only when I am not around. When I show up, or get on the phone, attitudes do an immediate and remarkable transformation. We assume that will happen, and laugh about doing it. Even when I leave, they are more careful with her.
Our society is far from color blind. We are also far from where we were when I was young. It is a part of life for us, impossible not to consider for my wife in all things. But at the same time, we are able to deal with it, and it is not the problem it would have been. Apart from my wife herself when she is alone, it is minimal. We can watch out for her, and we must.
This is a long way from perfect. But our experience over these many years is also not exactly what people seem to say on either side.
We live in a white suburb just outside Detroit, which is not some special safe zone away from racism seen elsewhere. This is the heart of it in its Northern manifestation.
§ RECOMMENDED10
§ <="" li="" style="font-size: 1em; line-height: 1.5em; background-image: url(http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/bullets/bullet_2x2.png); padding: 0px 0px 0px 8px; margin-bottom: 0px; float: left; margin-right: 5px; text-transform: uppercase; color: rgb(144, 144, 144); display: list-item; background-position: 0% 0.7em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat;">
§
§ Mark Thomason's comment on Marrying Across Racial Lines, but Still Seeing Lines - Room for Debate - NYTimes.com via @nytimes http://nyti.ms/13LqTb5
来源: TJKCB 于 2013-06-15 19:38:55 [档案] [博客] [旧帖] [转至博客] [给我悄悄话] 本文已被阅读：670次
所有跟帖：
• 我一直支持异族通婚，但是中国女人外嫁必须嫁好老外！ -馊主意批发- ♂ (190 bytes) (223 reads) 6/16/13 03:29:49
• 好的老外当地的姑娘早就抢走了，娶亚女的基本都是本地的剩货。当然不包括校园里青梅竹 -完全老百姓- ♂ (0 bytes) (77 reads) 6/16/13 05:00:07
• 吐。。。。 -猪胖子- ♀ (0 bytes) (6 reads) 6/16/13 06:58:52
• 这位没接触过老外吧。 -clba- ♀ (0 bytes) (4 reads) 6/16/13 11:11:18