| ZT -- Sweetened Words V.S. Bitter-sweet Pills ( 林卡 ) |
2013-05-03 11:26:31 |
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weetened Words V.S. Bitter-sweet Pills (by 林卡 )
Just saw a comment from a fellow Chinese in a forum saying there is a lack of natural praise in our culture. I think it’s so true.
The way North Americans relate to each other generally focuses on finding others’ merits to give praise, boosting people’s self-confidence and encouraging them for self-motivation. In contrast, traditionally, Chinese tend to point out people’s shortcomings (including their own) to give criticism, believing in that bitter pills have a wholesome effect and will eventually bring sweetness in people’s life. Guard against arrogance, they would say, so we can always stay humble and strive to improve ourselves. Both approaches are with good intentions. The people at the other end who hear those comments, either positive or negative, may feel quite differently. The former makes people cheerful and confident, but may sometimes lead to superficiality. The latter helps people be self-disciplined and down to earth, but may to some degree lead to a lack of self-confidence.
I grew up in a traditional Chinese family. My parents almost never praised me in my presence. When I was young, I did not like this because it was no good for building upon my self-confidence. Fortunately they are most loving parents, and I have had the best possible nurturing to grow into a person with a superb feeling of security. Starting from there, I have been able to explore the world freely and come to realize where my true strengths and weaknesses lie as time goes on. Self-confidence is thus built up firmly. Criticism and difficulties can not drain my self-confidence at all. They could act as a reminder of how I might be able to do things better, but they can never change my basic view of myself. Having said that, as a parent, I’d rather encourage my kids than scold them. I think it is most important for them to establish belief in themselves here in Canada.
To adults, maybe praise is still more meaningful than criticism. Grown-ups, as the name suggests, have formed their personalities already. No one is perfect. Criticism brings more distress, while encouragement creates a pleasant atmosphere. The latter probably works better to stimulate a drive to improve oneself.
On the other hand, I am curious about whether there is a role of a friend in western culture, like the one in Chinese culture, who dares to say forthright words to people he cares. Too many sweetened words may taste less sweet. Sometimes, if you always hear praise, you will probably get a bit confused, wondering whether what you have done is really good or not, and what can actually be improved. Personally, I like frank and cordial friends. I guess North American people have their own ways to express their true opinions. It just takes time for an immigrant to learn how to tell.
To wrap up, what shall we do when we communicate with others: to always praise people or to amicably remind them of mistakes they’ve made if you do see some? I would say it depends. I’d be more frank to a close friend, while give more praise to people I don’t know very well. And, in case I have to prescribe some pills, I’d try to mingle them with some sweets so that they won’t taste that bitter.
同学小薇 translate
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I fully agree with some netizines’ opinions regarding the use of compliment in Chinese culture.
Western culture tends to finding one’s strength, giving compliments, encouraging self-confidence, therefore making one striving for becoming better self while Chinese culture is just opposite. It tends to point out one’s weakness, like feeding a patient a dose of bitter medicine in order to improve his health, in order to make one improve himself. Even though both are from good intentions, two kinds of people will most likely emerge as the result: former tends to become a happy go lucky confident person yet a bit superficial while the latter tends to be more discipline, reserved but lack of self-confidence.
I grew up in a traditional Chinese household. My parents almost never give me praise. When I was young, I always felt it’s not helping me gaining confidence. Fortunately they are good parents who care about their kids very much. This makes me always feel secure. From that point as I grow up and face the outside world, I have gaining clearer view of my strengths and weaknesses and confidence has gradually developed in me. Any adversaries in life and negative comments from others only become a call for me to become better, but they do not change how I view myself. However, for my own children, I would like to adopt western approach to give praise to them. In this land, I believe one’s confidence is extremely important.
Even for adults, praising is better than criticizing. Changing a person is not an easy task, it is mostly depends on his own will. Praising more than criticizing help creating a better atmosphere to enjoy and at same time, might be more useful to help one get rid of bad habits. On the other hand, what is the meaning of real friends in western culture, the ones who can point out your weaknesses so you can improve instead of blindly praising all the time. By only receiving compliments , one would not know what can be changed to become a better person. I myself do like to have friends who can be candor to each other.
Maybe westerners do have ways to express their real opinions, we need to find it. In a social environment, should we praise or should we give constructive suggestions? It is a subtle balance and not easy to find. I think we should give candid opinions to close friends while we should mainly give compliments to people in general. But even it’s medicine, we still like it to be a little sweeter.
附：中文原文
看到网友关于非功利性赞扬在我们的文化中比较缺少的评论，深以为然。
西式交流喜欢甜言蜜语，找到别人的优点加以赞扬，鼓励自信心，从而促人自主追求进步。中式传统看重良药苦口，戒骄戒躁，倾向于指出缺点，让人不断改 进，从而完善自己。两种用心都是好的，被用心的人感觉却大不一样。一个会比较快乐自信，但可能流于肤浅，一个会比较踏实自律，但可能缺少自信。
我自己在传统中式教育中长大，父母几乎从不当面夸奖。小时候觉得这样不好，不能帮助我更有自信。所幸他们是非常有儿女心的人，我有幸享有第一流的亲 情，所以培养出超级的安全感。在此基础上探索世界，年纪渐长对自己的优缺点能看得更清以后，自信心就很坚实地建立起来。别人的负面评价，遇到的挫折，对我 而言是个鞭策，有则改之无则加勉，但不会改变我对自己的基本看法。只是对自己的孩子，我还是愿意采取鼓励为主的教育方式；尤其在这西域之地，从小培养他们 的自信心我觉得是最重要的。
其实对大人而言，鼓励也许仍然比批评更有意义。大人的缺点，已经养成，是否能改，看各人造化。鼓励带来的融洽氛围，也许要比苛责造成的打击，更能帮助别人完善自己，而且令生活更愉快。
另一方面，西方文化里，不知是否有诤友这么一个角色。有时候总是听到甜言蜜语，效果就差了，不知道自己做得到底好不好，有什么地方其实可以改进。我自己是很希望有坦诚相见的朋友的。也许西方人自有其表达真实看法的方式，别人需要进一步了解而已。
那么在和人交往时，到底该一味甜言蜜语，还是看到不足友善地指出？这个度掌握起来有点难。我想对了解的朋友，应该可以更坦率一点，一般人还是甜言蜜语为主比较好吧。纵使要给良药，也应改良一下，采用正面的说法，使之不那么苦口。 |
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| ZT:人生哲理/Maxims of Life |
2013-03-10 09:37:05 |
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[Original from Yuanyuan88’s Blog] Being alive is a blessing itself, so it should be treasured. Every human has only a life span of a few dozens of years, so you do not want to have regrets. From the sunrise in the east to the sunset at the west, it is a day’s time, whether you are sad or happy. Without falling into a thinking dead end, your body is in comfort, and your mind is also in comfort. -- Cherish your life 活着一天就是福气，就该珍惜，人生短短几十年，不要给自己留下更多的遗憾。日出东海落西山，愁也一天，喜也一天；遇事不钻牛角尖，人也舒坦，心也舒坦 ===========================================
--珍惜自己的生活
Do not regard your work as a burden. If you cannot make career switch at the moment, you do not have a better choice. Instead of anger and blame, face the situation positively. When you take your work as an art and a part of your everyday life, you will enjoy your work. -- Enjoy your work 别把工作当负担，既然目前改不了行，也没有更好的选择，与其生气埋怨，不如积极快乐的去面对。当你把工作当做生活和艺术时，你就会享受到生活的乐趣 --享受工作的快乐
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If the enemies make you angry, it means you still have the power to win. You do not have to turn back to find out who curse you. If a mad dog bites you, do you have to bite it back? -- Do not bicker with insect 如果敌人让你生气，那说明你还有胜他的把握，根本不必回头去看咒骂你的人是谁。如果有一条疯狗咬你一口，难道你也要趴下去反咬它一口吗？ --不和小人生气计较 ========================================
Truly appreciate contentment. The biggest anxiety in human life starts from meaningless comparison. In this world, there are always people inferior and superior to you. "When I cried for without shoes, I found someone without feet." -- Truly appreciate contentment 真正学会知足。人生最大的烦恼是从没有意义的比较开始，大千世界总有比如你的和比你强的人，“当我哭泣没鞋穿的时候，我发现有人却没脚”。 --真正学会知足 ==============================
Do not make impetuous decisions! Do not jump to conclusions, and especially, do not make decisions when in anger. Learn to think with empathy, or wait for some time. Downgrade major issues to minor ones, and minor ones to null. Simplify complicated things; never complicate simple things. -- Be patient 遇事不要急躁！不要急于下结论特别是生气的时候做决断，要学会换位思考，或者等一等，大事化小，小事化了。把复杂的事情尽量简单处理，千万不要把简单的事情复杂化。 --遇事莫急躁 |
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| Gatsby: translation of the 1st sentence of 2nd chapter （请指教） |
2012-09-17 18:24:41 |
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About half way between West Egg and New York the motor road hastily joins the railroad and runs beside it for a quarter of a mile, so as to shrink away from a certain desolate area of land.
在西单和纽约之间，机动车道和铁道会合并与其平行延伸了大约四分之一英里，绕开了一片荒凉贫瘠的土地。
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讨论一下：原文是不是在New York 之后少了个comma? |
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| Gatsby: trying to translate the last paragraph of first chapter |
2012-09-12 15:43:51 |
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I decided to call to him. Miss Baker had mentioned him at dinner, and that would do for an introduction. But I didn’t call to him, for he gave a sudden intimation that he was content to be alone — he stretched out his arms toward the dark water in a curious way, and, far as I was from him, I could have sworn he was trembling. Involuntarily I glanced seaward — and distinguished nothing except a single green light, minute and far away, that might have been the end of a dock. When I looked once more for Gatsby he had vanished, and I was alone again in the unquiet darkness.
我决定向他介绍自己。因为贝克小姐曾在晚宴上提到过他，我可用这作为介绍的开场。但我没有，因为他似乎给了一个突然的暗示，就是他此时此刻更愿独处。他奇怪的朝黑暗的水面伸出双臂。即便我离他很远，我发誓看到他在颤抖。我不由自主地向海面望去，除了似乎在码头尽头的地方有一小小的禄色的光点外,其他什末也看不到。当我的目光再次寻找Gatsby时，他却已经消失了，又将我孤身一人留在了这不平静的夜色里。 |
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| 我用大白话翻一下小曼的诗情画意，望小曼不戒意 |
2012-09-11 16:23:47 |
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我今天早上7点半开始跑步。今天天晴，有风。我跑的路线基本和昨天的一样，基本是兜一大圈回家。从小区出发，我沿着附近树林里那条大约半公里长的power line（不知道中文如何说），朝山坳那边跑去。路旁草丛小虫呢喃，仍没见秋入横林。 听说秋天要在9月中才开始呢。不过很多诗人应该开始吟诗了吧，反正我不是诗人，不明白这个。原以为会很凉，所以出门前我把那件花里呼俏的薄外套披上，结果没跑几步就热起了来，我就把它系在腰间，就这样一路轻舞飞扬气定神闲地跑，像是跑出了一点气球的感觉了，可是当我看到地上我短小的影子时我又感觉自己像只木桶在挪动。 过了大约5分钟我突然想转个方向 --往山顶跑。 到了山顶，让我眼前一亮的是在阳光照射下那泛着粼粼波光的一泓海水。更远处，山外有山，岛外有岛，那就是大西洋的边角了。平林漠漠烟如织，寒山一带伤心碧，江山如此多娇，就是没有一寸土地是属于我的。不过没关系，我学着Tom Buchanann 那样大手一挥，大半个地球就被我划了下来了。指点江山的感觉也不过如此。继续跑。。。
I started running at 7:30AM. Today’s weather is Sunny but windy. I ran the same route as yesterday - starting from my subdivision, passing through a half kilometer power line towards the valley. Along the way there are patches of green grass with birds chirping. Autumn has yet to come. It is believed starting in September. Nevertheless, it will not prevent poets composing. I wouldn’t know as I’m no poe
Thought it might be cold so I donned on a colorful jacket. Few steps into the running, I started sweating, I tied the jacket on my waist and keeping running freely, feeling like a balloon in the sky. Suddenly I saw my own shadow on the ground, looking like a moving cask. Five minutes later, I made a turn and ran towards the hill. On the top of the hill, my eyes were brightened by glowing reflection from the sea water under the sunlight. Far, far away, mountain after mountain, island beyond island, it is the edge of Atlantic Ocean. Forests, mountains and beautiful lands, none of these are mine. That’s not a problem. Like Tom Buchanann moving his broad flat hand, I will move my tiny fine hand, just like that; half of the earth is under my feet. Ha, that’s how it feels. Keep running… |
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