摄影笑话 Photography Jokes

Photographer Works

There was this haunted house on the outskirts of the town which was avoided by all the townfolk - the ghost which `lived' there was feared by all.

However, an enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom. When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, the ghost descended upon him, clanking chains et al. He told the ghost "I mean no harm - I just want your photograph". The ghost was quite happy at this chance to make the headlines - he posed for a number of ghostly shots.

The happy journalist rushed back to his dark room, and began developing the photos. Unfortunately, they turned out to be black and underexposed.

So what's the moral of the story?

The spirit was willing but the flash was weak.

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Photo Chief

There was this photographer in one of the most remote parts of the African continent on an assignment. He came across a primitive village where the residents were living in thatched huts and wearing colorful primitive garments. He approached a man who appeared to be the chief who was wearing a large headdress made of woven hemp and colorful feathers.

The photographer, not knowing how to speak to him, pointed to his camera then to the chief. The chief nodded. As the photographer was taking a meter reading the chief said "today use f/16 at 1/125 for ISO 100 film".

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How many photographers does it take to change a light bulb?

50 - One to change the bulb, and forty-nine to say, "I could have done
that!"

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Baby Photographer

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to...."

"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.

"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies."

"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."

"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."

"Don't I know!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London."

"Oh my god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture.

"She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.

"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, eh......equipment?"

"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."

"Tripod??", Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.

"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam? Madam?..... Good Lord, she's fainted!!"

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What did Cinderalla say when she left the photo store?
Someday my prints will come.

How does Santa Claus take pictures?
With his North Polearoid.

How do you get the professional photographer off your front porch?
Pay him for the pizza.

A fellow bought a Labrador puppy from the pet store and named him Kodak.
That way he could say he owned a Kodak lab.

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Many photographers need a tripod to hold "their" equipment....

Dark room technicians do it with a "safe" light.

Some dark room technicians do it under a red light.

It's been said, some darkroom people are well developed..

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Definition of a professional photographer? A person with 7 cameras and a spouse with 2 jobs.

职业摄影师的定义：一位有七个相机但配偶需要两份工作的人

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If you saw a man drowning and you could either save him or photograph the event, which lens would you use?

当你看到一个人落水，快被淹死时，你可以去救他，也可以去把这个过程拍下来。你会选择哪个镜头呢？

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顺手找来一些。大家还有什么好笑的摄影笑话呀？