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周末一笑: 醉酒的幽默(转载)

(2017-01-06 15:44:00) 下一个

1 醉酒的幽默/Drunken Humor

Wife: Dear, you looked quite drunk last night and you kept repeating the same thing at the table.

Husband: Really? Then don't believe anything said by a drunken person. By the way, what did I say to you?

Wife: I love you, dear.

妻子：亲爱的，你昨晚看上去真的醉了，饭桌上老唠叨一件事。

丈夫：真的吗？千万别信一个醉汉说的话，对了，我都说了什么？

妻子：我爱你，亲爱的。

2 只有一例/Only One Instance

Mr. Henry Beecher entered Plymouth Church one Sunday and found several letters awaiting him. He opened one and found it contained the single word ″Fool″. Quietly and with becoming seriousness he announced to the congregation the fact in these words:

″I have known many an instance of a man writing a letter and forgetting to sign his name, but this is the only instance I have ever known of a man signing his name and forgetting to write the letter.″

一个星期天,亨利·比切先生到普利茅斯的教堂去,在那里有他的几封信。他打开其中一封,发现信中只写着“傻瓜”两个字。

他平静而认真地把这件事告诉教友们：“写信时忘了签名的人,我遇到过很多,但只签了名却忘了写信的人,我还是头一次遇到。”

3 你等着发工资吧/Wait for your salary

If you are alone, I'll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I'll be your shoulder.

If you want a hug, I'll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I'll be your smile. If you need money...

wait for your salary.

如果你感到孤独，我做你的影子。如果你想哭泣，我做你的肩膀。如果你想要拥抱，我做你的枕头。

如果你想要快乐，我做你的微笑。如果你想要钱……

等着发工资吧！

4 汽车配件/Automobile Fittings

A lorry driver makes inquiry of a mountaineer, "Excuse me, where can I buy the auto accessories in the neighborhood?"

Mountaineer says, "Some people usually drive heroic car on the road. There is an abrupt turn ahead not far from here, and a clough just below it, where you can find all kinds of the auto accessories. You will spend no money at all."

一个卡车司机向一登山者打听：“请问，这附近哪儿能买到汽车配件？”

登山者说：“这条路上经常有人开英雄车，前面不远处是个急转弯，急转弯的下面就是深谷，那深谷里什么样的汽车配件都有——根本用不着花钱。”

5 死后重生/Life After Death

Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.

"Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied.

"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.

“你相信人死后仍有生命吗？”老板问他的一个员工。

“是的，先生。”这个新员工回答说。

“哦，那么，这样说来一切就很正常了，” 老板继续说，“在你昨天提早离开去参加你奶奶的葬礼，她来这看你了。”

6 只会几个词/Only a few words

At a court the judge is interrogating a mugger but gets into difficulty because the mugger is a foreigner who doesn't speak English. Don't you speak English at all? the judge asks. Only a few words, replies the mugger.

What words do you know?

Your purse or your life!

法庭上法官正审问一个抢劫犯，由于该犯是一个不会说英语的外国人，审问很困难。你一点英语都不会说吗？法官问。我只会说几个词，抢劫犯回答。

你会说哪几个词？

你是要钱还是要命！

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