南山松

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周末一笑: 不要动(转载)

(2016-09-30 16:35:33) 下一个

1 不要动/Hands off

A friend of mine was giving an important dinner party for her husband's business associates.

She put guest towels and soap in the bathroom, and, not wanting her teenagers to use them first, attached warning notes that read: "Use these, I'll kill you."

When the guests left after a successful evening, she went into the bathroom and found towels and soap untouched…with her warning notes still on them.

我的一位朋友为他丈夫的生意伙伴办了一个很重要的晚宴。

他把客用的毛巾和香皂都放在卫生间。为了不让她的小孩们先把这些东西用了,她在上面贴了张警告的条子。上面写着:“用这些,我就杀了你。”

当客人们离开这个成功的晚宴后,她来到卫生间,发现毛巾和香皂都没有动过…她的警告条子还在上面。

2 真情/True feelings

We were leaving a football game in a throng of people.

My husband, who never displays affection in public, took my hand. I was delighted. As we walked hand in hand out of the stadium. I looked up at him, smiling, and asked, "You don't want to lose me?"

"No," he said. "I don't want to look for you."

我们和一大群人在橄榄球比赛散场时离开比赛场。

我那位从不在公众场合流露感情的丈夫这时拉住了我的手,我非常高兴。当我们携手往体育场外走时,我抬着头看着他并笑着问:“你不想失去我,对吗?”

“不”,他说:“我只是不想去找你。”

3 广告的威力/The Effectiveness of Advertisement

Some businessmen were talking about advertising on TV excitedly. As none of them had ever done it before, everyone had his point of view.

At this moment, Mr. Grey came by. Grey was a car dealer and he had once made an advertisement.

"What are you talking about?" Mr. Grey asked.

"Does advertisement work or not?" one of the businessmen asked.

"Oh, yes, it works very fast," Mr. Grey said. " I once advertised for my watch-dog and offered a reward of $100."

"Did you get the dog back?"

"No, but that very night three of my cars were stolen."

一群商人正兴奋地讨论在电视上做广告。他们中没有人做过,所以每个人都有自己的观点。

此时,格雷先生路过。格雷是一个汽车经销商,他曾经做过一次广告。

“你们在讨论什么?”格雷先生问。

“广告有用不?”其中一位商人问。

“噢,有用,而且见效非常快。”格雷先生说,“我曾经发布了一条广告,要花100美金寻找一条丢失的看门狗。”

“你的狗找到了吗?”

“没,但是那个晚上我的三辆车被偷走了。”

4 是我啊/That's Me

In a darkest night, a policeman watches a staggering man trying in vain to unlock a door. "Is this your home?"  the policeman asks.

"Sure, I'll prove it to you if you help me."  Inside, the man explains, "You see, this is my bedroom. And this is my wife."

"And who is the man next to her?" the policeman wants to know.

"That's me!"

在一个漆黑的夜里,一名警察看到一个踉跄的男人怎么也打不开门。“这是你家吗?”警察问。

“当然,如果你帮我,我将证明给你看。”走进屋里,那人说:“你瞧,这是我的卧室,这是我太太。”

“那她身边的男人是谁?”警察想知道。

“那是我啊!”

(注: 这个丈夫喝醉了。)

5 顾客永远是对的/The Customer Is Always Right

The manager of a shop was yelling at one of his staff.

"I saw you arguing with a customer," he said crossly.  "Will you please remember that in my shop the customer is always right? Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir," said the assistant. "The customer is always right."

"Now what were you arguing about?"

"Well sir, he said you were an idiot."

商店的经理正在对一名员工大呼小叫。

“我看见你和一个顾客吵架,” 他生气地说,“你能不能记住,在我的店里,顾客永远是对的。你明白了吗?”

“是的,先生,”店员说,“顾客永远是对的。”

“那你刚才和他吵什么?”

“噢,先生,他说你是个白痴。”

6 粉红色的西瓜/Pink Watermelon

A fruit vendor in Philippines sold a watermelon to a woman and assured her that it was very sweet because it was red inside.

As she rode home on a bicycle, the vehicle skidded and the watermelon fell to the street and broke open, the woman was surprised to see that the fruit was pale pink but not red. So she returned with it to the vendor and complained loudly. "Madam," replied the vendor, "when one falls out of a vehicle to the street, one can expect to turn pale. How about a watermelon?"

在菲律宾, 一个女人从一个水果商那里买了一个西瓜,水果商向她保证这个西瓜非常甜,因为是红瓤的。

当这个女人骑车回家时,车子打滑西瓜掉在地上摔得裂开了,女人吃惊地发现这个西瓜不是红瓤的,而是浅粉色的。 于是她返回去找水果商高声抱怨。 “夫人。 ”水果商回答,“如果一个人从车子上摔倒在地上,也会吓得脸色发白。 更何况是西瓜呢?”

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阅读 ()评论 (26)
评论
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 'womaninhome' 的评论 :
家MM好! 很高兴笑点低的你都笑了:)
家MM,周中快乐!
womaninhome 回复 悄悄话 好笑,我笑点低还是这么好笑,笑得好大声啊。特别第一,第二个笑话,太好笑!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '人間的盒子' 的评论 :
问好盒子,新周快乐!
人間的盒子 回复 悄悄话 哈哈,谢谢分享
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '边走边看66' 的评论 :
惜福好! 很高兴你喜欢,周日快乐!
边走边看66 回复 悄悄话 这期可笑,每个都让俺都笑了好几声!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 'cxyz' 的评论 :
cxyz好! 很高兴你喜欢这个:)
cxyz,周末快乐!
cxyz 回复 悄悄话 呵呵, 也喜欢第五。
松松周末愉快。
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '山韭菜' 的评论 :
山韭菜好! 很高兴你喜欢:)
山韭菜,国庆快乐!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '人生是一场梦' 的评论 :
梦儿好! 周末快乐!
山韭菜 回复 悄悄话 每一条都这么搞笑!感谢松松送给我们的轻松时光!祝国庆节快乐!
人生是一场梦 回复 悄悄话 问好松松!周末快乐!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '花甲老翁' 的评论 :
花甲老翁好! 我也喜欢点点的点评:)
谢谢花甲老翁喜欢这几个,周末快乐!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 'spot321' 的评论 :
哈哈,点点好! 这个西瓜真是不一般~ 嗯,拉妻子手的丈夫有感情,千万不要打看门狗丢了的广告哈~
点点,周末快乐!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '尼斯' 的评论 :
哈哈,尼斯好! 有温暖的手拉着,不会走丢,多好:)
尼斯,周末快乐!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 'erdong' 的评论 :
哈哈,东东好! 水果商够狡诈,居然如此发挥~
东东,周末快乐!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 'momo_sharon' 的评论 :
哈哈,默默好! 顾客永远是对的~
默默,周末快乐!
花甲老翁 回复 悄悄话 點點解釋得好,喜歡2,3,5
spot321 回复 悄悄话 哈哈哈,西瓜被吓坏了。喝醉了的男人进错了家。不想找妻子的男人还是有感情的,他要是真不喜欢妻子,那他就不会拉住妻子的手了。广告的力量确实很大,狗一丢,车就没了。:))祝小松周末愉快!~~
尼斯 回复 悄悄话 第二个说俺那哈哈
松松周末愉快!
erdong 回复 悄悄话 哈哈,西瓜吓得颜色都变了,水果商购狡诈的:)
松松周末快乐!
momo_sharon 回复 悄悄话 第5个最搞笑。没错,顾客永远是对的。
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '小小月' 的评论 :
小小月好! 你还在上班呢呀,辛苦了:)
小小月,周末快乐!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '小声音' 的评论 :
给沙发上的小小上茶:)
这位女主人该多后悔,让客人不敢用香皂和毛巾~
小小,周末快乐!
小小月 回复 悄悄话 正打算抢个沙发,同事过来了,忙不迭地关窗口:)
小声音 回复 悄悄话 哈哈,晚会上的贵客们都被那张纸条吓住了,也许看在朋友面子上没有报警,否则主人要有麻烦料~~~
,谢谢松松分享每周一笑,周末快乐!:)))
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