南山松

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周末一笑: 神秘厨具(转载)

(2016-05-13 16:13:23) 下一个

1 神秘厨具/The Mystery Kitchen Utensil

My collection of vintage kitchen utensils includes one whose intended purpose was always a mystery. It looks like a cross between a metal slotted spoon and a spatula, so I use it as both. When not in use, it is prominently displayed in a decorative ceramic utensil caddy in my kitchen.

The mystery of the spoon/spatula was recently solved when I found one in its original packaging at a rummage sale.

It’s a pooper-scooper.

在我收藏的老古董厨具里，有一件的预定用途始终是一个谜。它看上去像是金属漏勺和锅铲的二合一，所以我也把它当成这两样使用。不用时，它便被突出地展示在我厨房里的一个装饰性厨具收纳瓷盘里。

最近在一次杂物义卖上我发现了原装品，这勺/铲的谜也随之解开。

这是一把狗粪铲。

2 时区是很难的/Time Zones Are Hard

While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back in 20 minutes. The woman asked, ?“Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?”

当我出去吃午饭时，我的同事替我接了电话，并告诉来电者我20分钟后回来。那女士问，“那20分钟是中部标准时间吗？”

3 买画的一个原因/One Reason To Buy A Painting

At an art gallery, a woman and her ten-year-old son were having a tough time choosing between one of my paintings and another artist’s work. They finally went with mine.

“I guess you decided you prefer an autumn scene to a floral,” I said.

“No,” said the boy. “Your painting’s wider, so it’ll cover three holes in our wall.”

在一个艺术画廊，一名妇女和她十岁的儿子在我的一幅画和另一位艺术家的作品之间进行了艰难的选择。他们最终选了我的。

“我猜你拿定主意你喜欢秋天的景色胜过花卉，”我说。

“不，”那男孩说。“你的画更宽，所以它能盖住我们墙上的三个洞。”

4 选一个丈夫，任何丈夫/Pick a Husband, Any Husband

As the hostess at the casino buffet showed me to my table, I asked her to keep an eye out for my husband, who would be joining me momentarily. I started to describe him: “He has gray hair, wears glasses, has a potbelly …”

She stopped me there. “Honey,” she said, “today is senior day. They all look like that.”

赌场自助餐的迎宾女招待把我带到我的桌子旁时，我请她留意我的丈夫，他很快就会与我汇合。我开始来形容他：“他已经头发花白，戴着眼镜，有一个大肚子......”

她阻止了我。“亲爱的，”她说，“今天是老年日。他们都像你描述的那样。”

5 阿呆的海洋/An Ocean of Dumb

A man called, furious about an Orlando, Florida, vacation package we had booked for him: He was expecting an ocean-view hotel room. I explained that was not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. “Don’t lie to me,” he said. ?“I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state.”

一个男士打来电话，对我们为他预定的佛罗里达州的奥兰多度假套餐火冒三丈：他想要一个海景酒店房间。我解释说这是不可能的，因为奥兰多是在该州的中部。“别骗我，”他说。“我看了地图，佛罗里达是一个非常窄的州。”

6 不同物种的一匹马/A Horse Of A Different Species

Scene: Horseback-riding stable.

Mom: Those horses are awfully big for my daughter.

Me: Our horses are very sweet …

Mom: Don’t you have something smaller? What about that one over there? It’s the perfect size for her!

Me: Um … that’s a goat.

场景：骑马场。

妈妈：那些马对我的女儿来说都太大了。

我：我们的马都非常温柔...

妈妈：你没有更小的吗？在那儿的那匹怎样？这个头对她来说棒极了！

我：嗯...那是一只羊。