南山松

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周末一笑: 再学习(转载)

(2016-03-11 17:35:21) 下一个

1 再学习/Relearning

Before leaving for Officer Candidates School, I half-jokingly mentioned to my family that I was going to learn how to eat, sleep, shower, and shave all over again. My brother, in the throes of planning his wedding, muttered, "Me too."

离开家去军校上学前，我半开玩笑地跟我的家人说，我将要再学习一遍如何吃饭，睡觉，淋浴，刮胡子。我的哥哥，在规划他的婚礼的阵痛中，喃喃自语道，“我也是。”

2 通力合作/Pulling Together

A guy drives into a ditch, but luckily, a farmer is there to help. He hitches his horse, Buddy, up to the car and yells, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy doesn’t move.

"Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy doesn’t budge.

"Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.

Then the farmer says, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse drags the car out of the ditch.

Curious, the motorist asks the farmer why he kept calling his horse by the wrong name. "Buddy’s blind," said the farmer. "And if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn’t even try."

一个家伙开车开到沟里，但幸运的是，一个农民在那儿帮他。他扯起他的马，巴迪，向着汽车大叫，“拉，尼尔森，拉！”巴迪不动。

“拉，巴斯特基，拉！”巴迪不让步。

“拉，可可，拉！”什么都没发生。

于是农夫说：“拉，巴迪，拉！”于是马把车拉出了沟。

出于好奇，驾驶人问农夫为什么他不停地叫错他的马的名字。“巴迪是瞎子，”农夫说。“如果他以为他是唯一一个拉车的马，他就不会去尝试。”

3 拯救北极熊/Save the Polar Bears

During a trip to the zoo, we saw a sign posted next to the empty polar bear exhibit stating that the bear had died after eating a glove.

"The poor polar bear," remarked the woman standing next to us.

Her husband’s slightly different reaction: "The poor guy wearing the glove."

一次去动物园时，我们看到一张告示贴在没有熊的北极熊展览旁，陈述着那只熊吃了一只手套后死亡。

“可怜的北极熊，”站在我们旁边的女人说道。

她的丈夫略有不同的反应：“这个可怜的戴手套的家伙。”

4 未投保/Uninsured

This report from an agent landed on my desk in the auto claims division of our insurance company: "Driver encountered a large deer that jumped out from the woods to challenge his vehicle. The deer attacked his vehicle without having any insurance."

落在我桌上的这个报告来自我们保险公司的自动索赔部的代理：“司机遇到了一只大鹿从树林里跳出来挑战他的车。攻击他的车的鹿没有任何保险。”

5 狗狗的爱/Doggy Love

Whenever my family leaves the house, our Shetland sheepdog’s animal instincts start to kick in.

He runs circles around us and nips at our heels to keep us all together.

Watching this display, my friend couldn’t resist: "You always herd the ones you love."

每当我的家人离开家时，我们的喜乐蒂牧羊犬的动物本能就开始起作用。

他绕着我们身子跑圈子，轻咬着我们的脚后跟让我们都呆在一起。

看着这种表演，我的朋友忍不住道：“你总围住你爱的人。”

6 探视权/Visitation Rights

My law partner was presenting a no-fault divorce case to an Ohio domestic-relations court. The couple involved had no children, but they did have a dog, of whom both were very fond.

My partner stated that both parties agreed to share whatever medical expenses might be necessary for the care of the animal. They also agreed that the wife would have custody, but that the husband would be allowed visitation rights.

The judge, looking somewhat startled, peered down at the husband and asked, "Is this true?"

The husband replied, "Yes, Your Honor."

"Well," intoned the judge, with a trace of a smile on his face, "you should know that there is nothing this court can do for you if the dog refuses to see you."

我的律师合伙人在俄亥俄州民事纠纷法庭出席一个无过错离婚案。涉及的夫妇没有孩子，但他们确实有一只狗，他们两人都非常喜欢。

我的合伙人说，双方同意共享任何可能照顾动物的必要的医疗费用。他们还一致认为，妻子拥有抚养权，但丈夫被允许有探视权。

法官看着有些错愕，望着下面的丈夫问：“这是真的吗？”

丈夫回答说：“是的，法官大人。”

“好吧，”法官吟诵着，他的脸上有一丝笑意，“你应该知道，如果狗拒绝见你，这个法庭什么事也为你做不了。”

http://www.rd.com/joke/

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