南山松

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周末一笑: 胡萝卜(转载)

(2015-07-03 16:47:29) 下一个
1 胡萝卜

Patient: You say carrot is good for the eyes. Is that true?
Doctor: Certainly. Have you ever seen rabbits wearing glasses?

患者:“说过吃胡萝卜对视力有帮助,是真的吗?”
医生:“当然,你见过戴眼镜的兔子吗?”

2 伟大的科学家

Teacher: Can you tell me anything about the great scientists of the 18th century?
Pupil: Yes, sir, I can. They are all dead.

老师:“谁能告诉我有关十八世纪的伟大科学家的一些事情呢?
学生:“老师,我可以,他们都死了。”

3 太快与太慢

A man traveling at 130 miles per hour on the road was stopped by traffic police.
“Sorry, officer.” Said the driver, “Was I driving too fast?”
“No, sir. You were flying too slow.”

一个男人把车开到了每小时130英里的时速。警察把他拦了下来。
“对不起,警官,”司机说,“我是不是开得太快了?”
“没有,先生,你只是飞得太慢了。”

4 洗脸

Teacher: David, why don’t you wash your face? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning?
David: What was it?
Teacher: Eggs.
David: Wrong, teacher. That was yesterday.

老师:“戴维,你为什么不洗洗你的脸呢?我都看得出来你今天一早上吃的是什么。”
戴维:“我吃什么了呢?”
老师:“鸡蛋。”
戴维:“不对,老师,那是我昨天吃的。”

5 崭新的奔驰车

Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman. Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing. Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, "Oscar!  Oscar!  I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!”
"Dear God! Did you try to stop him?"
"No,” she said, "I did better than that! I got the license plate number.”

奥斯卡驾驶着自己崭新的奔驰汽车去他最喜爱的体育用品商店。他把车停在了外面,到店里去找经常为他服务的简小姐看一些资料。简是一位非常漂亮的金发女郎。奥斯卡走进店里受到了她热烈的欢迎。奥斯卡提出想先自己转转,再找简帮忙。简同意了。5分钟后,简跑过来大叫着:“奥斯卡,奥斯卡!我刚才看到一个人把你的新奔驰车开走了!”
“我的天啊!你没叫住他吗?”
“没有,”简说:“我的方法更好,我记下了他的车牌号。”

6 导盲犬

A blind man was waiting to cross the road when his guide dog cocked its leg, then urinated on its owner. Calmly, the blind man reached into his pocket and took out a biscuit for the dog. A passerby who'd seen everything remarked: "That’s extremely tolerant of you, especially after what he just did.”
"Not really, came the reply. "I’m just finding out where his mouth is, so I can kick him in the nuts.”

一个盲人和他的导盲犬站在十字路口上正等着过马路。这时那个导盲犬把腿抬了起来开始小便,毫无疑问盲人的裤子湿了。但是这个盲人却平静地从口袋里拿出了一块饼干给狗吃。一个过路人对此很不解地说道:“你的脾气真好,那条狗都做了这样的事情你还拿饼干给它。”
“不是这样的。”盲人回答说:“我只是想知道它的嘴在哪里,这样我就可以踢它的屁股。”



 
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阅读 ()评论 (28)
评论
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 'fengdaming' 的评论 :
谢谢fengdaming欣赏,新周快乐!
fengdaming 回复 悄悄话 今天每个都很好!祝贺你得了头奖啦!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 'spot321' 的评论 :
哈哈,点点好! 喜欢你的每个点评:)
点点,新周快乐!
spot321 回复 悄悄话 真的啊,还从来没有见过戴眼镜的兔子呢,哈哈!嘿嘿,那个学生说的也算对吗,那些科学家的的确确是都死了。要是找一只狗来,那戴维几天以来吃的是什么就都能知道了,只需闻闻他的脸。唉,金发美女又犯错了,估计把头发染染黑就会好一些??哈哈哈!问好小松!祝下周愉快!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '50后的姥姥' 的评论 :
问好美眉,周末快乐!
50后的姥姥 回复 悄悄话 哈哈,又开心的笑了,谢分享!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '京燕花园' 的评论 :
哈哈,和燕子握手,我也见过红眼睛的兔子:)
燕子,独立日快乐!
京燕花园 回复 悄悄话 没见过戴眼镜的兔子,见过红眼睛的兔子。
happy 4th of July^_^
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '绿叶唤唤' 的评论 :
唤唤好! 也祝你周末开心快乐!
绿叶唤唤 回复 悄悄话 哈哈,每到周末,松姐姐这里总是很欢乐。
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '林贝卡' 的评论 :
haha,Rebecca,you are right:"A carrot a day keeps the glasses away."~~~
Rebecca,have a nice 4th of July weekend!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 'erdong' 的评论 :
erdong好!独立日开心快乐!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '李哼' 的评论 :
哈哈,李哼好!节日快乐!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '晓青' 的评论 :
晓青好!节日快乐!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 'cicila' 的评论 :
桐儿好!你开心,我高兴:)
独立日快乐!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '花甲老翁' 的评论 :
问好花甲老翁,周末快乐!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 'SnowFallingOnWater' 的评论 :
雪花好!我也跟着小小长见识了,看到了戴眼镜的兔子~~~
雪花,周末快乐!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '小声音' 的评论 :
哈哈,小小就是见多识广,连戴眼镜的兔子都看到过~~~
小小,节日快乐!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 'womaninhome' 的评论 :
哈哈,家MM好!独立日开心快乐!
林贝卡 回复 悄悄话 A carrot a day keeps the glasses away. I borrowed it from the old saying: "An apple a way keeps the doctors away". LOL...
Songsong, have a great 4th of July weekend.
erdong 回复 悄悄话 迎来一个很开心的周末!
松松节日快乐!
李哼 回复 悄悄话 好好,我终于从那个悲惨的故事里跳出来啦~~~
晓青 回复 悄悄话 哈哈。松松节日快乐!
cicila 回复 悄悄话 哈哈,读着开心。谢谢松松为大家带来的欢乐。
独立日快乐!
花甲老翁 回复 悄悄话 全部都使人開心笑,分不出那個好一些。
SnowFallingOnWater 回复 悄悄话 回复 '小声音' 的评论 : 哈哈哈。。。也看到小小的眼镜兔子了
小声音 回复 悄悄话 哈哈哈,报告松松,我见到戴眼镜的兔子啦:)))))
http://pic.wenwen.soso.com/p/20110221/20110221215944-1862799536.jpg
松松节日快乐!
womaninhome 回复 悄悄话 哈哈,太开心了,这么一个开心的周末,谢谢松松。祝节日快乐。
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