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1 糟糕的上班日 Bad Day at Work
A man joined a big multinational company as a trainee. On his first day at work, he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone, "Get me a coffee quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded, "You fool, you have dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you are talking to, dumb?"
"No," replied the trainee.
"You fool, I am the General Manager of the company."
The man shouted back immediately, "And do you know who you are talking to, you fool?"
"No, " replied the General Manager.
"Good!”, replied the trainee and then put down the phone.
有一名男子加入一家大型跨国公司接受训练。
在他上班的第一天，他拨电话到餐饮室，并且对着电话大声喊:“快点给我送杯咖啡过来！”
电话另外一端的声音却说:“你这个笨蛋，你拨错分机了！蠢货，你知道你在跟谁说话吗？”
这名受训的人回答说，“不知道。”
“你这个笨蛋，我是公司的总经理。”
这名男子立刻大声吼回去：“你这个笨蛋，你知道你在跟谁说话吗？…”
总经理回答：“不知道。”
这名受训的人回答说：“很好！” 然后就把电话给挂了。
2 接听熨斗 Answer the Iron
A guy walks into his office, and both of his ears are all bandaged up.
The boss says, "What happened to your ears?"
He says, "Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang! I accidentally answered the iron. "
The boss says, "Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?"
He says, “Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!"
有一个人走进他的办公室，他的两个耳朵都包扎了绷带。
老板说：“你的耳朵怎么啦？”
他说：“昨天电话响的时候，我正在用熨斗烫衬衫。我竟然无意间就把熨斗拿来接听。”
老板说：“嗯，好吧，那解释了一个耳朵，可是你的另一个耳朵又是怎么一回事呀？”
他说：“嗯，哎呀！我得打电给医生嘛！”
3 聪明的目击人 A Smart Witness
A witness to an automobile accident was testifying.
The lawyer asked him, "Did you actually see the accident?"
The witness: "Yes, sir."
The lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident happened?"
The witness: "Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches."
The lawyer (thinking he'd trap the witness):"Well, sir, will you please tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?"
The witness: "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some annoying lawyer would ask me that silly question."
有一名车祸目击证人正在出庭作证。
律师问他：“你确实看见了这起车祸吗？”
目击证人说：“是的， 长官."
律师说：“当车祸发生的时候，你在多远的地方？”
目击证人说：“三十一英尺，六又四分之一英寸。”
这名律师说（心想他已经抓住了这个目击证人的把柄）：“那好吧，先生，请你告诉陪审团，你怎么知道确实是那个距离昵？”
目击证人说:“因为当车祸发生的时候，我就拿出了卷尺测量过了。我早知道会有一个令人伤脑筋的律师问我那个蠢问题 。”
4 律师的儿子 Lawyer's Son
The lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, so he went to law school. He graduated with honors, and then went home to join his father's firm.
At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his father's office, and said, "Father, father, in one day I broke the car accident case that you have been working on for ten years!"
His father responded: "You idiot, our company lived on the funding of that case for ten years!"
律师的儿子想要继承他老爸的衣钵，因此他就去读法学院。他以优异成绩毕业，然后返家加入他老爸的公司，就在他上班的第一天要结柬之际，他急忙地冲进他老爸的办公室说：“老爸，老爸，我一天就破了你办了十年的车祸案件！”
他的老爸回答说：“你这个小白痴，我们公司就是依靠那个案件的资金才生存了十年呀！”
5 缠住不放 Persistence
Returning from a golf outing, my husband was greeted at the door by Sara, our four-year-old daughter. “Daddy, who won the golf game? You or Uncle Richie?”
“Uncle Richie and I don't play golf to win,” my husband hedged. “We just play to have fun.”
Undaunted, Sara said, “Okay, Daddy, who had more fun?”
丈夫打完高尔夫球回来，我们四岁的女儿莎拉在门口迎了上去。“爸爸，谁赢了高尔夫球比赛，是你还是理查叔叔？”
“我和理查叔叔打高尔夫球不是为赢，”丈夫推诿说。“我们打球只是为了好玩而已。”
莎拉毫不气馁，又问：“那么，爸爸，谁觉得更好玩呢？”
6 激动的话 Excited Remarks
Our son, at age of five, had a fascination for motorcycles. The sight of one would always bring forth squeals of delight, accompanied by excited remarks of Look at that! Look at that! I'm going to have one of those someday, his dad's response always was “Not as long as I'm alive.”
One day, while our son was talking to a little friend, a motorcycle passed by. He excitedly pointed it out to the boy and exclaimed, “Look at that! Look at that! I'm getting one of those as soon as my dad dies.”
我五岁的儿子对摩托车有强烈的爱好。只要看见一辆摩托车，他就会高兴得哇哇直叫，并激动地说：“瞧这辆！瞧这辆！我总有一天也要有一辆。” 他爸爸的回答老是：“只要我活着，你就别想有这玩艺儿。”
一天我们的儿子跟他的小朋友在说话，有一辆摩托车开了过去。他兴奋的指着摩托车叫道: “瞧这辆！瞧这辆！等我爸一死我就要有这样一辆摩托车了。”
(From internet)
嗯, 闲闲客, 急中生智:)
闲闲客, 周末快乐!
哈哈,问好叶子,周末快乐!
谢谢松松给我们带来的快乐！
问好家MM,新周快乐!
希望白开水天天快乐!
canhe很会总结:)
问好!
哈哈,还是雪花聪明:)
觉得纽约美眉在职场一定做得非常好:)
问好美眉!
那么机智的反问，他一定会在职场混得很好！
周末快乐！
欣赏fengdaming的眼光:)
fengdaming,周末快乐!
小小好! 估计小小打电话从来都很温柔,从没有大喊的时候:)
小小,周末快乐!
这几段都太逗了^o^，第一个的小伙子也太厉害了，打电话不论对谁都应该客气一点撒！
后面几个孩子都很纯真可爱：））
松松周末快乐！
娃娃乐好! 童言无忌,小孩子的兴趣真不可以太过压抑:)
娃娃乐,周末快乐!
点点好! 那位打错电话的还算聪明,查清没有暴露身份~
点点,周末快乐!